Hello nexus

I am very excited to be here. I have been a long time reader (over three years). I first learned about DMT when I listened to shpongle's divine moment of truth. (Saw them live, innncredible!!) around this time is also when I started my spiritual journey. I learned of the pineal gland, it's connections to DMT, and the Buddhist belief that the seat of the soul resides in the pineal gland or, the third eye. This intrigued me, because that would mean that DMT is not just a psychedelic drug, but the connector between this world and higher (or lower) planes of existence. Ever since I was a child I was incredibly interested in space and places we could not go in this world, dreams ect.

So naturally I was all about DMT and wanted to try it in the most respectful, and meditative manner. But I have not tried it yet.

I have been on an SSRI medication for a long time. I am weening myself off now for many reasons.

But after using a mixture of things at the same time, including SSRI's, accutane, psilocybin, and research chemicals, I now have a "disorder" called Depersonalizatoion

It is affected by lots of things, gets worse without sleep, and definitely gets worse with alcohol. Doesn't seem to be affected by marijuana, although I smoke maybe once a month.

This disorder has caused me to be very conscious of what I put in my body, that I am thankful for, and have not touched drugs besides marijuana in years. But it is a hard disorder to live with, being so detached from reality. It is difficult to find motivation, to look at things, and to live in general sometimes, although I am not depressed, I am not HAPPY.

I have heard of people using ayahuasca for healing. And I want to know, do you think this molecule which already exists inside of me could make my depersonalization worse? I have heard of people feeling more clear headed and more grounded to reality when they come down from DMT.

Thank you all for reading I hope to be a part of this forum for some time!

I am sorry to say your post is riddled with conjecture... Scientists have not proven the pineal glad produces dmt only other hormones like melatonin, It was Descartes who thought it was the seat of the soul not Buddhists which AFAIK don't even believe in souls only reincarnation, you may perhaps be right in saying DMT is a connector between this world and higher (or lower) planes.

Good job on quitting the SSRI, perhaps you should try daily low doses of DMT as an anti-depressant, or even just MAOI may help!

I have had some trouble with marijuana and depersonalization as they start leaking in to each other which is why I gave it up, tbh it effects your brain negatively anyway (memory, intelligence) so it isn't worth it IMO.

You should try meditation... serious meditation not just dilly daddling around for 5 minutes as many people have reported there disorders clearing up after extended practice.

You and me both about looking at life positively but I find frequent low oral doses of dmt help in relieving some pessimism and opens me up to creativity and wonder and feelings of elation. Don't be afraid.

My depersonalisation is not affected by Ayahuasca, infact it really helps especially at really high doses as well as salvia. It transforms it in to a way that I can see it's benefit and not just seeing it as some confusing psychological symptom but a way to experience life differently, it's just the way you think normally doesn't allow you to see it's benefit, only when you are shown a new way of thinking can you see around your old limiting patterns of understanding. You will never know unless you try it yourself but if you try it and it doesn't work then I recomend some antipsychotics for a short while just stear clear of the SSRI if you are feeling depersonalized!

I've experienced various levels of DP/DR before, and Salvia helps a lot. It can also hurt a lot, if you do it in a bad setting.