my sister, father, and various others don't support my decision to abstain from antidepressants and to move towards using natural MAOI's for treating depression as well as taking Lithium Oratate for bipolar depression. they consider me an adult however so they are say "you're 19; you can make your own decisions".

sometimes i just wished that they wouldn't see my depression as a bad thing. rather i wish they would see this as an opertunity to learn, grow, and understand these emotions i have. i think the reason why they would prefer me to take the abilify and celexa is because i wrote a suicide note due to negative venting (was not serious; however was feeling extremely depressed).

i want to take this moment in my life to explore the road of working through my emotions and making the best of them. and i think they can't see that as a positive because they are afraid i won't be able to function without the antidepressant and mood stabilizer.

I realize sometimes my personality is very compulsive and many times i will ask repetitive questions just because i feel lonely and want my dad to talk to me. but he prefers to be quiet and keep to himself. i want to talk to him but don't know how. when i do talk to him he sometimes yells at me; though we manage to work through our arguments. but the fact that he has to raise his voice and that he can't talk to me like a normal person is what gets me.

with all this lack of support it's very hard to do this. it's hard to heal on your own. and it's hard because they do not support my method of healing. they say that i'm not a licensed professional and that i shouldn't self medicate.

i don't think of self medication as a bad thing. why is it so taboo to be the one to heal yourself? and most of all why can't they just talk to me about my problems and help me to put them into context rather than judging me for my decision that they view as negative and as a poor decision?

i just want to work through my emotions in peace and it's hard to do that sometimes and it's even harder to do it all by yourself without any support. i feel like sometimes the only people who are there for me are the nexus, some friends on facebook, and my pets.

why is this so hard? can't it be easier; at least can't they create a peaceful environment without so much conflict? this is so... stressful.

i respect how they feel. i respect their criticism. but it still puts a strain on me.

my dad just wants me to take the antidepressants because their free "why would you try something else when you can get this for free?" sometimes he doesn't get me. which is okay; it's not my family's job to understand me. maybe it's my job to understand me?

all i know is i want to be happy again without the antidepressants. all i know is that the decision i am making is my own and that i just want support. is support such an obstacle for someone else? is support such a problem? is support such a big deal that i cannot have it?

i feel like at least i can vent. at least i am willing to work with my emotions. i feel that this isn't easy and that yeah; maybe i need "professional" help with strangers. maybe professional help will help. but why can't i supplement support from my family ontop of professional help? like adding the celexa to the abilify as a supplement.

i know so many people know what i am going through and i am grateful to be connected to people here. i write this not for support actually; i already have support here and i am more than thankful for it. i write this as support for someone else; not me.

because i know what it's like. and i want every member going through something similar like this to know that i am here for you. if anyone needs to talk you can either pm me or talk to me through the chat. you can also talk here in this post if that suits your fancy; especially if you're a new member and want to vent about some of your emotions.

so let this thread live and let live. feel more than free to post as much as you like as long as you like; i will read what you write. never forget that you can beat this! you do not have to live with depression forever.

life is like a seed. sometimes in order to grow you have to be dropped in dirt, covered by darkness, and struggle for light. and when you breach the surface the sun always shines. i wish you luck on your journey for personal growth <3

You sound like a great kid! Much smarter and much more enlightened then I have ever been. I guess the one thing popping in my head at the moment. Sometime we have to be something we are not for us to see what we truly are. Keep on keepin on. Onward. Forward.

Dmnst8; i consider you a trusted friend. no. a brother (you're a guy right? lol. if not a sister). i like what you just said. always know i'm here for you man and i know you're here for me too because of that link you sent me; it really meant alot to me and was a big deal that you took the time to make sure i'd see that video. i also really liked the chat we all had briefly about depression and stuff. it helps to vent my problems so much. sometimes i feel so quiet; almost violently quiet. and it's like that quietness eats at me sometimes. but i'm glad i have a place to talk about these things

Just Say Know,

I admire you for your courage, facing your emotions head-on instead of side-stepping them with pharmaceutical antidepressants. BTW, did you say that you'd still be taking Lithium while doing natural "MAOIs"? Because I think that a) might be a dangerous combination and b) might defeat the purpose of dealing with your emotions without band-aids. I've tried lithium orotate, and, although it isn't a pharmaceutical drug, I did notice numbing effects, and sort of the sensation of a unity of my perception without any of the meaning or emotion behind it that I would get on psychedelics.

even better than maoi's or rue

is DMT , only sub-breakthrough and breakthrough hits

don't microdose , microdosing is quite depressing in itself

this is only a personal opinion

also say yesssssssssssssssssssssssss

even repeating yessssssss like a maniac few times a day has an antidepressing effect

Before people start to give any medical advice I would like to point you all to this thread:

Medical emergency: what to do?

We only got a small glimpse of this persons real world issues plus medical history and therefor we cannot give any qualified medical advice over the internet.

And also please do not state things like "even better than maoi's or rue is DMT", even it is your personal opinion. Without any proof of this and real world medical specialist to keep track of this persons (mental) health this might actually be a dangerous thing to say.


Kind regards,

The Traveler

All I can say is when someone's aura is trying to change you, it generally exacerbates any tensions we might otherwise feel.I realize its hard to apply that practically with one's parents, but it is good material for yoga practice. The tension you feel is related in a way to thee attitudes programmed in us by the higher ups.

apologies Traveler ,

did'nt apply critical thinking , logic or even common sense before replying to this thread

Traveler is right. Depression is such a personal issue it's very hard to really be of much help on the internet.

I would suggest to the o/p to work with their doctor, parents, and at living a healthy life. Do not stop taking medication since it may cause a rebound effect. Talk to your doctor first.

Stuff known to help treat depression is maintaining a healthy diet, avoiding excessive caffeine or alcohol. Exercising a bit every day, and getting a restful sleep.

I'm afraid that life itself is a challenge, and always presenting ups and downs for all of us. We need to work hard at helping ourselves conquer issues as they arise. If we lack this discipline then issues soon get on top of us and can become too much for us to deal with.

I wish you all the best, but due to the nature of depression feel it's best that you focus on empowering yourself at making small positive changes.

^^ Wow Ganesh, well said.

thanks everyone i'm going to try the lithium and see what it does; i'll ask my doctor before stopping the meds though. and i'll ask my doctor about taking syrian rue and explain to him that i want to make changes in my life to see how that affects my depression and that i wish to stop taking anti-depressants and process my emotions. so far i've felt much better after writting this. venting constructively can get me really far out of the "hole" that is depression.

thank you all for listening and being kind enough to give me advice. i think that i can move forward and that i will get better. i think that the cause of my depression is due to social situations that seriously put stress on me; plus overthinking things.

sometimes i think i rush into things and that i need to remember to lay back and let the weight of the world rest on my shoulders and live and let live. thank you all for using your complex healing intelligence to listen, give advice, and generally thank you for being supportive.

constructive venting is what works for me personally. if it's okay with the nexus i'll use this as a vent log? and anyone else can use this as a vent log if they find that constructive venting helps for them.