PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: Good
(physical condition) Set: Good
Setting (location): Apartment
time of day: 3 PM
recent drug use: None
last meal: 36 Hours Ago

PARTICIPANT
Gender: M
body weight: 90 KG
known sensitivities: None
history of use: Novice

BIOASSAY
Substance(s): LSD
Dose(s): 200 UG
Method of administration: Sublingual


EFFECTS
Administration time: T=0:00
Duration: 10 hours
First effects: T=1:00
Peak: T=1:30-5:30
Come down: T=5:30-10:30
Baseline:T=10:30-11:00

Intensity (overall): 3

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 1
Implesantness: 3
Visual Intensity: 2


AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: 0
Afterglow: 3


REPORT

After it started to kick in, this time I said I was going to hold on no matter what. I wasn't going to "let go" and "let it flow" I was going to see where holding on led me. Anyways I accomplished this, I looked straight ahead and watched as each veil of reality was lifted up. Behind each "veil" was a kind of entity I couldn't see it clearly. I believe it was Kali the destroyer of illusions but I'm not sure. Each time another veil was cut away "Kali" giggled and jumped behind another one...She was fast, I must have destroyed 100s of veils until I was finally left staring at the void. No veils. I felt terrified.

I am all there is. I am all alone. There is no purpose. Pure fear invaded my being, I realized that all psychedelic trips were just another escape from the reality, everything we have is all a barely cobbled together liferaft in the face of the horror of nonexistence and that liferaft wasn't true. "Kill yourself" my mind screamed and dark images of suicide flashed through my mind, how could I live knowing this? I gave a weak smile and said no, I still had the will to live on. Nothing could take that solid core of willpower away from me.

But I had to turn my mind away from this truth, I had to keep busy. Well, I started to clean my apartment, I washed my face, I combed my hair, I cleaned the dishes, I put on some nice clothes. I was completely obedient to my mind, any whim it had I snapped to it's attention. I felt a prisoner of my own thoughts. All to escape the truth that there is just the blind chaos of the void, and me, as a speck of existence somewhere inside it.

Looking Back: I can see this was some kind of ego trip, but it was an ego trip I needed to have. I believe now that the "void" is an illusion. We create the void, we are the void. The void only exists when you hold on as a "separate" observer from it, and then feel terrified from facing the chaos. I listened to my fear this trip, I let it overtake me, but I learned a lesson about how many people live in their own reality of pure fear. Where the mind dictates, where every worst case scenario is always prepared for "just in case". Where the feeling of fear is somehow felt by these people to be the "ultimate truth". Not because fear is the truth, but because they are so scared that they can't even face it.

Peace be unto you all

Love,

Spacexplorer