So im a long time lurker and thought now was the time to make my account. I have some 50% dmt, 50% blue lotus flower changa (1 gram).
After i took some low amount hits i decided i should pack a bong full. And for everything to make sense i have to add that i have anxiety and PTSD diagnosed by a doctor. I have had a very complicated and difficult life. From my dad selling drugs to his Physical abuse on me to the being kicked out of my moms house and my dads house(divorced so 2 times) its hard to know myself anymore for being in survival mode for so long. i have recently been released out of a drug rehab for my "pot addiction" after i was sent there by my mom and if i did not go i would be homeless. I know very well i am not addicted to pot.
I tend to be very social but all the time my anxiety just takes over and i sit there and cant think of anything and feel like a fool.(especially towards older people) I could just not be confident. I have no idea, its something i think about all the time and constantly trying to improve myself but fall in the same pit every time.
So now, i'm at my friends house and i pack a huge bong pack full of it attempting to blast off into hyperspace. I take two hits and lay back. i open my eyes once i realize i didn't take enough to blast off. I feel this presence of someone else there to my right while i'm laying on his bed.( we will call him "bob" ) I then realize that this is bob, my "popular" friend at my school and i see him now. unaware of who it was at first is perfectly clear that it is bob and he just keeps popping up to my right. I try to socialize with the two other people in the room and every time i stutter or cant think of anything to say, his face pops up in my eye sight, almost like "bob" would of said something better, or my mind was telling me to be as confident and social as he is.
I don't think about this person often or even look up to him but the way he lives in full confidence and the way he lives life just messed with me when i thought of myself and how i live. Then after that two people came over to retrieve some stuff and as soon as i was gonna speak i saw bobs face again. i stopped seeing him until another whole new social situation came up. Any help? Remember first post! tell me what you think, i also saw a lot of rasta colors.

interesting post,

im not sure others will agree but i am guessing you looked into a past memory of jealous, being jealous of your friend bob when you were younger has made quite an influence on your consciousness.

but thats just my view

an welcome to the nexus my friend

Welcome to the nexus. I'm guessing from the content of your post that you are young. I know very well the feeling you describe. When i was young I would often feel my mind go blank in social situations. I'd feel a huge amount of pressure to say something smart or funny but would just clam up. It was excruciating. Mt friends all seemed to be so smooth and i felt like a social retard.

I'm reluctant to recommend them, i don't know you at all, but i actually found LSD to be very helpful in developing my personality. I honestly think certain psychedelics are good for certain things. While LSD helped me develop confidence, allowing me to be comfortable with myself, i think using DMT at that age would've made it worse. DMT puts me in a space beyond personality, purely spiritual. DMT wants to pull me from the world, LSD wanted me to manifest my self to be in it effectively. On sorry if this makes little sense, I'm not articulating very well this morning

Agree, and I would recommend pure MDMA for the same purpose. It's a great personality exploration tool.

Only thing is that i just moved here for my senior year

Thanks for the reply! its weird im a experienced tripper ive done Lsd, shrooms and salvia multiple times but ive had really weird trips lately like a very big anxious feeling idk hope to trip after dmt soon! a good old shroom trip in the summer outside on a beautiful day will get my mind straight definitely wanted to try MDMA for a bit now.

It sounds like anxiety-based subconscious processes/thoughts/emotions bubbling up towards the surface of awareness. I would avoid hunting for a singular 'meaning' of each trip... I've had very similar things before, and many where I "saw" friends as well, in related scenarios. You can learn from it but it can sometimes be more like noisy mental chatter that is hard to silence. A meditation habit really helps with this sort of thing in my experience. In general meditation, yoga, exercise, good food, harmalas, etc. have been very helpful for anxiety and confidence issues personally.