Hello all!
I have been in a serious relationship for a year and a half and in the last 4 months my interest in psychedelics has continued to increase, this also being the time I first extracted DMT. My girlfriend fears DMT, she fears my interest in DMT and a major cause of this fear is that to her it signals that I want to change who I am and that I must be unhappy with who I am if I want to use them to improve myself, including using psychedelics as a spiritual aid. She also believes that DMT could be dangerous to both the mind and body even though I have tried to explain that there is not much danger at all. This has caused us a great deal of grief, because I would like to use DMT and other psychedelics (salvia, mushrooms, and harmalas) when I feel it to be a good time to use them. Sometimes this is pretty frequently, a couple of times a week. I would like the support of my girlfriend in my interest of psychedelics, and to a certain degree I have it. We both use psilocybin mushrooms together, its just that when it comes to DMT and to a certain degree salvia she has no interest in trying it and thinks that it is a negative thing to do.

How do I address her fear of DMT and her fear of me changing? Psychedelics have become an important aspect of my life and I believe that they will continue to be. I have tried using DMT (and Salvia) less frequently, but it is still an issue with her.

well, be prepared to grow apart. I know it's not the idealized version of love we all aspire towards, but often it's either your on the boat or your off the boat, until you realize there never was a boat to begin with.

Perhaps she is willing to accept all of you, and then you can enter into a space of more radical honestly with each other. That is ideal for most of us I would assume. Sometimes in life however, our ideals, are just that.

Never become a realist mannequin, and forgo your higher ideals, no matter how many times you loose.

That is no answer, but the only truth I have to offer.

Thanks for your response Jamie. Right now I am playing the waiting game and hoping that if I continue improving myself by doing my own thing that she will see what a positive impact it has on my life. I guess I will see eventually what happens.

One of the best things to do instead of arguing might be just to lead by example, all the while expressing how much you appreciate her concerns for your well being. If she can see that you're clearly getting positive, lasting changes through working with these medicines, then it might just speak for itself. You deserve someone who accepts who you are and can tune into that.

Sometimes you can only do so much to help someone see outside their own perspective when it comes to this kind of thing. You can't really force someone to be interested in them, or to shift their perspective. You can help show them new directions but they have to travel them.

I quit smoking cannabis for a girl when I was younger. I stopped for her because she asked me to quit. It was tough at first and I changed a lot at the time. I became emotional and I spoke very badly about cannabis users and I turned to alcohol, because she liked to drink. Yep, no smoking but we hammered a 5th of vodka every weekend.

My friends couldn't believe it, I was a totally different person. But, I was in love and we had a great relationship. The thing was we didn't last and after it was over I realized that we didn't belong together. Although she has been the "one that got away" and I wouldn't go back and change anything. I would do it all the same. Except for the vodka

This is not a straight forward response, but life is tricky. The more we communicate the better off we are, talk to her if she will listen. If you care enough to try to make it work by modifying your use of psychs then she can try to change her perspective too.

I agree with UC, lead by example. My wife had an issue with my use of psychs and I think still does. She's only seen me under the influence once and I think that's the point she realized it's not some crazy (meth) drug. She trusts my judgment but was just weary about it especially when I talked about the extraction process, she asked "so we are going to have a meth lab" of course I had to laugh, it did cause some grief at first but after talking to her and helping her understand that it's not the same as other drugs and if I felt it was risky or dangerous then I wouldn't do it, and she knows this.
I led by example, because of dmt I quit smoking cigarettes, because of dmt I have limited my use of MJ, because of dmt I don't drink alcohol a long with many other positive changes and she followed suit and realized it's not bad.
My wife smoked and loved weed but has never done a psychedelic in her life and knows nothing about them or felt the need to research them. Only after talking with her extensively about it did we finally come to an agreement. I just wish I could get her to try it.
Both of you will just have to keep up the communication, show her that you can grow and change in positive ways and in due time that might ease the tension. If not you might just be two different people and may not last. A harsh reality I know. You can only do so much to help one understand, beyond that it's up to them to support you.

Hi there, I went through a similar thing with my wife as she had a slightly irrational aversion to me doing DMT. First of all it was against me wanting to do an extraction and she was dead against that, even in our shed it was an absolute no-no, and with us having 2 children I kind of understood her position.



I recently posted about my first DMT experience at the weekend, however this was supposed to happen the week before. Instead we had a massive row just before blast-off (about me doing it) and needless to say I postponed due to my frame of mind being less than ideal at the time.

I think also the name DMT is slightly misleading as it has a very chemically sound to it when in fact it is far from it, with it being produced naturally in a variety of sources. I explained this to me wife and I also explained how there are theories linking it to dreaming, and when we die and so on and I could tell she was starting to show an interest. It’s now gone full circle and she is about to start reading The Sprit Molecule book, and this morning I opened up my gmail to find a link from her about the Pineal Gland, needless to say its been a surprising turn of events! I’m not convinced she’ll go as far as trying it, but her fear about it has been replaced with intrigue and at least I don’t have to consume with her hating the fact I do it, or having to do it secretly when she’s gone to bed.

So for me providing my wife with reputable links about the substance regarding its nature and uses definitely helped, a lot of people fear something especially when pre-conceived assumptions blind the true facts of how things are. Luckily she’s also a very spiritual person, and we’ve talked a lot between us about the whole universal consciousness, afterlife etc, and I think for her she saw this as being linked and another pointer that what we believe may be true.

Also I forgot to add that another thing that intrigued her was how I explained that two of the most advanced civilisations of our times being the Egyptians and the Mayan took DMT in the form of Acacia Nilotica and Ayahuasca respectively. This combined with what I mentioned above got her thinking that it isn't just another mind bending chemical but there could be some use to it.

To keep it short, you would be amazed at how much more dangerous consumable products used in our daily lives are.Taking tooth pastes, shampoos, even food that has some amount of NaOH per ex or other even more nasties.Imo when people are presented which such new information that exceeds their limits it is impossible not to oppose such new notions.

I can't give much advise on the matter but what I can say is that even the most safe regarded product found in commerce today has a chance of not being safe at all, more so safer than the things you yourself assist in making.

I think it was the name that got my wife as well. She's still not interested in trying it but she knows I'm still going to do it and that it's proving to be harmless. Extraction I'd say was her biggest concern as well because I have 2 kids to, one 19 and other 15, and smart enough to figure things out, so biggest problem was/is trying to find time to do extractions without them knowing what I'm up to. Once I did my first one and showed how fast it was and that it's definitely not a "meth lab/cook", she hasn't really said much about it since.

Thankfully I know that my wife will support me on just about anything, even if she's reluctant at first, and she knows me deeply as an individual allowing her to understand I'd never put any of my family in any harm. Having a relationship where both communicate, and understand one another makes for a lasting relationship and a stronger bond.

Thank all of you guy that have contributed information to help me deal with this situation!


I think this is a very good idea universecannon, I do not think arguing will get us anywhere and leading by example is something I will continue to do.


@Nereus I am a little confused by what you mean about this. What I took from it though is that I should incorporate her more in the process so she feels more included on what I am doing? In order to do this I think I should talk to her about my intentions before a trip I have, try to have her sit for me when she is up for it, and then discuss my trip with her after. When I first started using DMT she was originally more involved, but as her fear increased I decided that I should talk about my experiences less and try to not use it around her. I believe this might have been a mistake.

And I agree with you Nereus that mushrooms are very similar to DMT, I believe my girlfriend knows this, but she also has the negative connotation of DMT associated in part by the extraction process, since I used both sodium hydroxide and naphthalene to do it. However, I tried to explain that I have a clean product and I even recrystillized to further remove impurities.

I have also tried to talk to her about Terrence Mckenna, Shulgin, and others, but to be honest I think Terrence Mckenna was a little too extreme for her liking. The main thing that sticks in her mind is talk about "elf-gnomes" and "hyperdimensional beings" so she thinks he is a lunatic. I agree some ideas of his are outlandish, but the majority of the stuff by him really is amazing.

I also agree with you Nereus that there is no problem with taking it slow, it is important to me that I remember it and not unbalance my life by focusing completely on it, though it does seem to me that during the time period that I am using it more frequently my life seems more balanced, but I also see how to her that this focus on the psychedelic experience appears as a threat to her, as well as a desire to use psychedelics for change, spiritual growth, and personal development. Thanks you again for spending time to address this very fully.

Some nice pointers here in the thread, I especially liked Nereus' response.

One more addition would be to consider the concerns she has voiced about you wanting to use DMT because you might not be happy, because you want to change yourself etc.

All things change, all things are in a process of becoming something else. Humans can undergo a lot of change within a life time. Change can mean deterioration but it can also mean refining, growing, perfecting, ... Change is unstoppable; everything around us is constantly changing and we with it. But, are we changing in a positive way? Can we guide the changes we undergo so that they lead to a happy existence? This is where IMO psychedelics come in.

Also it's not always about changing yourself, but about learning about yourself in a way that's probably impossible without using psychedelics. That's a good thing, no? The more you know, the better you can deal with all types of life's situations, including a relationship.

And finally take a minute to analyze if you are really happy, or if there are things that you are not happy about. It's not a problem to want to change things, most people do from time to time. Perhaps she is afraid that your relationship to her is one of those things you might not be happy with, or that somehow you will grow apart from her by your work with DMT. It's a valid concern, so address it, not just reassuring her but also try to find out if there's anything to it, any doubts in your mind etc. and address them from within before proceeding.

@Enoon Thanks for your reply, since using psychedelics I have felt more aware of myself and of the connectedness of things which has increased my overall happiness. While I would consider myself a generally happy guy I do think that certain things cause me unhappiness. The main issue with unhappiness I have right now is with the amount of work I am putting into college with not much payoff. I am a biochemistry major and I find the field really interesting, but I feel that I am putting as much time as I can in and not getting good grades, in both classes in my major and in classes that I have to take for university requirements. I am fairly satisfied with my relationship, I think that the main divide in it does deal with my psychedelic use and my increasing interest in spirituality. My girlfriend is an agnostic leaning towards atheism and I was agnostic when we first started dating and now I am not. I fully respect her beliefs, but I do think that changing my own beliefs might be a potential issue, but for the most part she is accepting of that.

I think you make a good point that not all psychedelic use is about change, but part of it is learning about yourself. I know that there is much for me to learn about myself and about everything else in the universe(s)! I am still very much in the shallow in and I am just getting my toes wet, but I look forward to learning how to swim!

Best thing if you're still looking to introduce or actually help your beloved get used to your passions about entheogens is to take the slow route of patience and rational thinking.

If lovers love each other for real they should accept each other for what they really are.

Nicely put nereus

Hi,
Every one has given you politically correct advise. I suppose because they are decent people who a trying to help but I'll give you my thoughts not that I'm qualified to do so.

If you start doing DMT then I would wager that you will change, but for the better in my opinion.
Maybe she is scared of being left behind?
When one person changes in a relationship it can lead to the end of that relationship.

Deltaspice, what you say is very correct, in fact my wife had commented on this but I had forgotten to mention it in my first post.

I think human nature is that we are all resistant to change, even small changes to our morning routine can cause us stress, and then more important things like changes to our working routine, or changing our job, but of course the most important thing is our family so I guess if our partners worry that it may change us then they are in their minds rightfully concerned.

I think also people can jump to the wrong conclusions with DMT smoking, I think users tend to do it on their own, and the fact it is smoked gives off incorrect 'crack-user' type sentiments about it, and through lack of knowledge they're probably worried we'll end up psychotic by smoking this powerful mind bending substance!

When my wife pointed out that a lot of trips reports said that people changed after the experience, I quickly highlighted that they reported change for the better, she acknowledged this but I think its just the general fear of change thing again.

I'm glad you agree, I had a feeling I would get slaughtered for saying what I said.
For me Change within started from my first breakthrough. I realised that there is more to life and this world than I knew. For instance there are grey aliens and they spoke to me.
How could anything ever be the same after that.

Or maybe they are just afraid that their partner is becoming a deluded nutjob. Which may very well be the case. I don"t really understand how seeing aliens can make a person change for the better. But then again i suppose it is similar to becoming a born again christian. Belief in a supernatuaral being can make people that are not so happy with their lives happier and happier people are generally better people (atleast from a personal point of view).

My girlfriend doesn"t do dmt, nor does she want to and when i tell her that i have communed with seemingly autonomous beings she takes the piss out of me. I like it when she does this as it helps to keep me grounded.

Haha, i must admit this made me smile. I do sometimes wonder to myself which is the case, either we are all empowered with divine knowledge and one step closer to spiritual enlightenment, or we’ve been taken far too many strong hallucinogenic substances and have totally lost the plot.

It has to be one of them!