Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well.
I just thought I would start this off with an introduction essay. I hope you all understand why I don't want to reveal too much of my personal information here, but I will happily fill you in on my current relationship with the psychedelic experience and what has led me to the decision of registering this account.
I am a young woman with a need for the self-exploration. I have tried a great many substances in my life so far, but the only ones that have ever truly amazed me are psychedelics. After experimenting with just about everything I could get my hands on for some time and seeing which psychoactives agreed best with my body while having the lowest ratio of risk to reward, I have finally decided today on how I am going to structure my use from now on. In general, the only experiences which I will ever actively hope for again are those from LSD, DMT, psilocybin mushrooms, synthetic 4-substituted tryptamines, nitrous oxide, cannabis, and salvia. Very rarely I may follow the trail of some mescaline or one of the truly good simple phenethylamines such as 2C-B or 2C-E. I may also make once in a blue moon exceptions for both 5-MeO-DMT and ketamine if either of these substances happen to find me on their own, but aside from that, I don't really feel the need for much else.
This was not a decision that I came to lightly, as I do feel the urge in me to try as many different experiences as I possibly can, especially when it comes to psychedelics. However, I've come to accept that there needs to be a point in my life where I start to drawn the line with my more reckless behaviors. I really was not much of a healthy person at all before I started using psychoactives, but over time they have really started to make me much more health conscious. These days I am more active, eating better, and taking yoga classes, and I can definitely tell that it has had an impact on me. I also recently got some level of closure after worrying that I may have damaged my health with drug abuse for years, when I finally got that clean bill of health from a doctor, aside from needing to exercise a bit more. For this reason I now feel that my new motivation to stay fit and take care of myself is especially important because I appreciate it so much more than before. With that in mind, I've decided that anything that doesn't feel strongly worth the risk it could cause doesn't really need to stay in my life.
I really am interested very much in psychedelics, dissociatives, cannabinoids, and kappaergic hallucinogens, but narrowing down the lists wasn't too hard. I really feel no desire to risk myself with any opiates aside from the incredibly harmless salvia, so that's an easy exception. Cannabinoids I find much more fascinating, but considering the potential dangers they provide compared to cannabis itself, I'm not heartbroken over letting them go. I actually do find dissociatives to be quite intriguing, but I'm bothered by the fact that most of them are also stimulants, opiates, or other kinds of drugs of abuse which have their own host of problems, such as raising blood pressure significantly. I feel secure enough in ketamine's acute safety based on its use as an anesthetic, but generally I don't trust it enough to make it a full time companion. That spot is reserved for nitrous oxide, which I feel is by far the cleanest dissociative on both the body and the mind, and still plenty powerful.
As for psychedelics, my decision was based on the fact that tryptamines have provided for me by far the most interesting experiences I've had, and 4-substituted tryptamines including mushrooms are of course the safest in terms of health complications. The recent influx of increasingly unknown and seemingly dangerous phenethylamine research chemicals has really turned me off to that side of the scene, but I realize that some of the simpler molecules are really not all that bad. Despite that, I do worry that based on their empathogenic effects and structural similarities to compounds like MDMA, they may have a significant amount of 5-HT2B receptor activation which is best avoided. Even tryptamines will have this of course, but I just figure that if the risk has to be taken either way, I might as well take it in the way that gives me the most bang for my buck, which is undoubtedly with the tryptamines. But, that is why I would very infrequently be willing to make an exception for something with known acute safety like mescaline, for the sake of still getting to see more of the what the psychedelic realm really has to offer.
Similar logic leads me to leave the door open for 5-MeO-DMT experiences, as it is obviously difficult to say no to that one forever. I am however concerned by the known possible side effects of dosing too high, and the fact that 5-substituted derivatives seem to be the only research chemical tryptamines which have really caused any fatalities so far. That is why it's really the only one I would make an exception for, except perhaps for bufotenin, but I'm bothered by how similar that is to serotonin as well. I like LSD and the 4-substituted tryptamines because of their significant lack of side effects or reported life-threatening reactions compared to most other families of psychedelics. There is still the family of unsubstituted tryptamines, derivatives of DMT like MiPT and DPT, but I am a little concerned by their research chemical status combined with DMT's rise in heart rate and blood pressure. There are a few which I already have had access to from before I made this decision and so I will surely be willing to try them as well, but after I have used them up I'm doubtful that I'll go searching for them again much.
The thing about 4-substituted tryptamines is that they have not only proven to me to be by far the safest psychedelics and agree best with me physically, but they also have given me my favorite psychedelic effects by a wide margin. There are many great qualities of a psychedelic trip that I can enjoy, but I would have to say that the biggest thing I look for in them of all is how good they are at being aphrodisiacs. This word carries a special weight for me in this context, because I actually find the psychedelic experience itself to be quite erotic. When I say that I have a fetish for hallucinations and cognitive distortion I mean it quite literally in the sense that it is actually difficult for me to separate my sexuality from these concepts, which is logical considering that they have been a part of me since at least since childhood, long before I was ever familiar with any psychoactive drug effects. Of the three classics that I have enjoyed, I would have to say that DMT best fulfills my desire for intensity, and LSD may actually be the most sexually stimulating of all because of its additional dopaminergic properties, but in terms of pure beauty, mushrooms have just always been the most amazing, toe-curlingly sexual bliss, in addition to causing the heaviest psychological effects of any of them, and so it really does take the lead for me.
I have heard a number of people say that most synthetic derivatives of psilocin are really not all that different from mushrooms themselves, but I couldn't disagree more. It's clear that they are all tryptamines, sure, but for me every single one of them brings their own highly unique brand of hyperspatial perceptions and thoughts to the table that the others simply could not substitute for. I consider them all to be powerful and precious visionary agents that I would no sooner wish to part with than I would with mushrooms, LSD, or DMT. And of course, my favorite thing about them is that they have consistently proven to be at least as sexual for me as mushrooms if not more so, but still in their own individual ways. This is such an important factor to me because my life has been structured pretty heavily around becoming as deeply in touch with my inner drives and desires as I possibly can since long before I ever thought about ingesting any foreign substances. By being both so opening and so erotic for me, psychedelics have been the things which have really allowed me to connect with myself in this way on levels that I once thought would never be even remotely possible. So, the significance of the fact that 4-substituted tryptamines have provided me with by far the most potent effects in this area is not lost on me.
The main reason that I decided to register this account here and talk about all of this is because I figured that if anyone would understand my fascination with tryptamine explorations, it would be the people here. Though I still am working my way up to a complete breakthrough to another realm on DMT, I have already experienced entity perceptions on it and every other tryptamine that I have become acquainted with. I also find the visionary, out-of-body, and ineffable states they provoke to be simply awe-inspiring. My greatest wish at the moment is to become more experienced in navigating the spaces produced by both these tryptamines and DMT, and so I figured that my best bet at achieving that would be to follow in the footsteps of those who have gone before me. In order to better explain where I am in that process currently, I have opted to briefly describe my relationship with each of the substances that I consider to be my main allies below. Just to make an easy note before continuing as well, I should point out that all of the entities I have perceived on psychedelics up to this moment have been exclusively human in design, and almost invariably young and female.
LSD - Undoubtedly the psychedelic that I have the most experience with to date, LSD will always hold a special place in my heart. I actually consider it to be a form of medicine for myself in addition to being an enjoyable experience. This is because while the psychedelic side of my sexuality may be flourishing, I often feel that my more "typical" sexual desires for human companionship are somewhat distressingly hypoactive, which possibly allowed my liking for the abstract to develop more strongly in the first place. However, LSD not only satisfies that desire, but actually serves to stabilize my physical sexuality as well, something that no other psychedelic has quite done for me on nearly the same level. It is to the point that I feel like LSD is actually fixing a chemical imbalance within myself in addition to causing its recreational effects, and thus I hold it in very high regard. This is actually the primary reason that I use it for these days, especially when combining it with 4-substituted tryptamines to synergize with them and add this effect as well, but I am also quite familiar with the more powerful hallucinogenic effects of LSD. The mindset for me is generally one of stark contrast between extreme clarity and cognitive enhancement in some ways, and total separation from sober sanity in others. The entities that I have observed are generally playful in a "bad girl" kind of way, very seductive but down to earth at the same time.
DMT - So far, I think the best way that I could describe DMT is to say that it has been both the most and the least "normal" of any psychedelic I've tried. It is the former in that the visionary states it provides me with can be almost dreamlike in their realism as opposed to being comprised of largely abstract patterns even at doses which are not significantly dissociating from reality, which is quite unique for me among psychedelics. However, it is also the latter because of its sheer intensity and, in some ways, also the same uniqueness which makes it the former. A similar juxtaposition I have noticed in the fact that it leaves me feeling remarkably lucid despite how it actually takes me further away from reality than any other psychedelic has yet managed to. And again, I have even noticed the same pattern with the entities. I have found them to actually appear to be the most innocent of all, but this seems to be a cover for the extremely high level of energy that the entities possess. The general feeling I get is one of being overwhelmed by them, sometimes sexually and sometimes not so much. DMT is also notable in being the only psychedelic that has ever caused me to see male entities aside from indistinguishable faces walking around in the background, which I have gotten from LSD. Though, that was still a one-time experience, with the DMT entities being largely female for me as well.
Psilocybe - The magic mushroom is kind of a unique tool for me. After years of reading debates on whether or not pure psilocin is any different from the entirety of the mushroom experience, though I cannot speak from personal trials, I would have to say that my expectation now is that it would indeed differ. The main thing I have always heard about pure psilocin is that it is much more lucid and controllable, and this generally agrees with all of my personal experiences with pure 4-substituted tryptamines. On the other hand, mushrooms for me provoke a cognitive dissociation which has been as of yet completely unmatched by other psychedelics. At doses where I might not even be visually tripping that hard they can cause me to drift quite severely into and out of my own imagination. Perhaps some are more sensitive to this effect than others, but it has always played a significant role in my trips. Combining a moderate dose of mushrooms and LSD gave me the incredibly bizarre and abstract psychedelic state of mind I've ever experienced, with nothing else coming even remotely close. I feel that this psychological disruption is an important part of what makes mushrooms so emotionally volatile for me, which is actually significant because that in itself is part of what helps me re-evaluate major aspects of my life while under their influence. The atmosphere of a mushroom trip for me is typically one of feeling severely intoxicated and overly reactive to things, while paradoxically feeling incredibly peaceful on the inside. The entities I see tend to be have both playfully lustful and serious personalities which make the emotion of the trip seem like a state of great ecstasy but also great significance. Due to my experiences with mushrooms and synthetic tryptamines, pure psilocin is now very high on my psychedelic wish list.
4-HO-MET - Metocin has been the research chemical tryptamine with which I have so far had the most experience. My initial impression of it was that it was very much like a much more lucid mushroom trip with the significance turned down and the cosmic hedonism turned up. It is undoubtedly highly euphoric, to the point that I am actually a bit cautious of it considering that little research has been done into the totality of its mechanisms of action, but I do have to say that it has generally felt very clean and safe to me. Bouts of maniacal laughter seem to be quite common, along with a general feeling of extreme orgasmic bliss. However, to claim that it is all fun and no depth would be doing it a great disservice. So far for me the most defining characteristic of 4-HO-MET has been its ability to completely break down any walls at all between myself and my sensory perception, reducing me to a childlike state of wonder which I have noticed in others who I have observed using it as well. Because of this state, combined with a high level of cognitive clarity, feeling deeply connected to nature or others or re-evaluating your decisions or behaviors from a fresh perspective is particularly easy on 4-HO-MET. On the other hand, it actually allows so much focus on perception that it seems to have a higher chance of suddenly flipping into some kind of sensory overload chaos than most other psychedelics, at least in my experience. These delirious moments however seem to be generally non-threatening due to the very positive overall state of the trip, and serve more as intellectual curiosities in retrospect for me. Lastly, the entities I experience on 4-HO-MET seem to be quite similar to the ones I experience on mushrooms, including the erotic edge, but with their seriousness seeming to have been replaced my mischievousness, which actually gives it some feelings in common with LSD as well.
4-HO-MiPT - Miprocin comes as a close second in terms of synthetic tryptamines which I have worked with the most. The first thing I remember noticing about it was that I actually found it surprisingly sedating despite hearing that it had an electric energy to it from several sources. Perhaps this is a dose-related event, as I haven't quite pushed into the very heavily hallucinogenic points on it yet, but still even at lower doses it is quite noticeable especially in comparison to something like 4-HO-MET, which is bursting with life. Though, 4-HO-MiPT in general has actually given me something fairly different from what I was expecting out of it, and something that I have really come to enjoy so far. Compared to equivalent doses of other tryptamines in its family, I personally would say that 4-HO-MiPT has visuals which can become quite impressive but that are less emphasized. I feel that higher doses would provide a front row seat to a beautiful hyperspace, but at levels more in reality the focus seems to be much more on peace and personal insight. I've almost found it to be like a tryptamine MDMA in some ways, in that there is a dosage range with it where hallucinations are not incredibly prevalent and you still feel pretty connected to normal reality and able to interact with it, but yet the psychedelic enhancement of emotions, empathy, creative thought, and physical sensations, along with a mild to moderate dissociation, are still quite present. In higher doses or in combinations where the entities are more likely to appear, they seem to have much of the same intimately sexual attitude of mushrooms or 4-HO-MET, but without so much of the air of deep importance or edginess that they seem to have, respectively. Rather, they are more playful and teasing, for me mostly seeming to focus on the idea that being kinky does not necessarily exclude emotional intimacy.
4-HO-DET - Ethocin ties with 4-AcO-DMT for third place in how many trips I've had with it. There is something very unique about this compound which makes it distinct from most other psychedelics that I'm familiar with in some significant ways. For me, one of the most notable things about the trip it provides has been a distinct lack of the peaceful, calming euphoria that I generally feel on any psychedelic, and actually most significantly on 4-hydroxy tryptamines. Because of this, the mindset that accompanies it tends to be considerably more down to earth, less emotionally exaggerated, and more lucid like sober consciousness. Actually, if you are looking for a really euphoric adventure or some great psychedelic insights, I would suggest that you attempt looking elsewhere first. What makes 4-HO-DET particularly special for me is not any of those qualities, but how it makes up for lacking them by coming at me with some of the most incredible visions that I have ever experienced. I made sure to use the word "visions" because it seems worth noting that I have attempted to use 4-HO-DET without giving myself a decent tolerance break after my previous trip, and without having the fuel to ignite the fire of that astounding imagery, the basic sensory distortions which it provided were actually sort of boring, even if slightly sexual. If this is a psychedelic that you find yourself wanting to explore, I really must insist that you take it in the best possible situation for it and with the longest possible downtime from any previous experiences, if you truly want to see what it is all about. When the entities have shown up for me, they have actually been most similar to mushrooms in that they both the lustfulness and the seriousness, but they are notably lacking the playful aspect of the former. Themes of 4-HO-DET tend to take on a rather more dark and seductive nature, with the entities often blurring the lines between mate and temptress. Other times, there seems to be a lot of dark fantasy imagery such as focusing on themes of psychedelic witches and chaos magic. Though not the most whimsical psychedelic I've ever come across, there is certainly something very alluring about this one that keeps me coming back.
4-HO-DiPT - Iprocin is one of the two synthetic tryptamines that I so far have only gotten to use a single time, and it was while also on LSD. Thankfully, the dosage of LSD was not enormous, and I'm fairly experienced with it both alone and in combination with other psychedelics and particularly tryptamines, so I am at least able to extrapolate a decent amount of information about how 4-HO-DiPT effects me so far from that. If I had to compare it most to another tryptamine in its family, I would have to say 4-HO-MiPT, which I suppose makes enough sense. From the one trip, it seemed to be similar to 4-HO-MiPT in the sense that beautifully intricate visuals are always right around the corner and probably quite obvious on larger doses, but at this level I seemed to be able to get a significant amount of the typical peaceful euphoria, empathy, lots of laughter, and good psychological enhancements from a dose which didn't focus too heavily on visuals, which is fairly impressive considering that I was already on another psychedelic at the time. One thing I can say about it though is that the basic mathematical patterning that appeared in this trip was significantly different than LSD and any of the other tryptamines I've tried alone or in combination; even 4-HO-DET produces sensory distortions which are not all that unlike mushrooms, very flowing and wavy, despite evolving quite uniquely. 4-HO-DiPT seemed to focus more heavily on shifting, rotating, and interlocking gear-like patterns, though it would be interesting to see this without the LSD influence in it as well. There was a moment where I got to close my eyes and let the full force of the visionary effects wash over me, and like all of my LSD and tryptamine combinations, the result was awe-inspiring. Based on this experience alone and factoring in what I know about LSD, it seems that 4-HO-DiPT entities for me take it another step further than 4-HO-MiPT, continuing on from the mood of being mainly playful and intimate and sacrificing even more of the sexual aspect of it to focus on the emotional connections. There was very little edginess to it, instead being closer to the realistic representations I see on LSD alone or DMT, but maybe with still a little bit more of an abstract angle with those. I am eagerly awaiting the day when I might come into contact with this one again so I can give it another shot on its own.
4-AcO-DMT - As I mentioned, psilacetin is tied with 4-HO-DET in my level of experimentation thus far. I have not gotten to see quite as much of the realm it takes one too as I would like to, but I do have high hopes for it. The first most significant observation that I could make about it is that in many ways it actually feels strikingly similar to DMT, especially right after the initial onset. However, as the trip continues to unfold, there are a good number of unique qualities that appear as well. One of them is that while 4-AcO-DMT seems to have at least as much potential to overwhelm you with entities as DMT does, it seems like in general they follow a much darker color scheme and have more visually in common with the entities of mushrooms or 4-HO-MET. Unfortunately I haven't observed them well enough to really describe much of their personalities, but I can say that the imagery in which they unfold seems to be fairly modern in style, which is a fairly significant contrast to mushrooms in my experience so far. Actually, in that way it almost had more in common with 4-HO-DET, which is a curious thing to consider because 4-AcO-DMT also has a fairly prominent lack of euphoria for me, at the beginning. It starts off quite sedating, even more so than 4-HO-MiPT, and with no real high whatsoever, but there comes a point in the trip where this suddenly rebounds into being one of the most stimulating psychedelics I have ever encountered. But, despite that, it really just makes me feel like I have tons of mental energy to burn off, while my body actually feels more untouched than on anything perhaps besides 4-HO-DET. Once I have reached this secondary phase of the experience, the mindset also becomes very insightful and clear, almost like having a euphoric trip while sober. I get the feeling though that this may change at higher doses.
4-AcO-MET - Metacetin is the second synthetic tryptamine that I only have one experience with so far, but what an experience it was. Similarly to 4-AcO-DMT, it actually started off sedating and with a distinct lack of euphoria. The initial feeling I got was actually one of having my sensory perception so drastically enhanced that it was almost too much to take, making me a little nervous about what was to come. It was actually so much that it was a little bit of a turn off at first and certainly much harsher than 4-HO-MET, but with no other choice in the matter anyway I decided to ride out the rest of the trip to see how it turned out. Once I got over the comeup hump, things got way better. The trip suddenly started to take on an incredible euphoria with a warm glow emanating out from my chest. The energy level shot through the roof; this is the most stimulating psychedelic I have taken so far. The visuals actually became filled with grid patterns that covered the room and contained entities floating around. The entities were generally represented as goddesses with long, flowing hair and huge, sweeping, mystical dresses. There was also a constant roaring sound accompanied by sensations of strong gusts of wind. The emotion of the entities was always one of intense release of emotion, which would push me up with them as well. There was also quite a lot of sexual imagery that was similar to mushrooms, 4-HO-MET, and 4-HO-MiPT for me, but it was even more erotic and detailed. By this point, nothing about the trip felt like it was too much to handle anymore, but was more just like an intense emotional workout. Everything about the trip was about pushing things to the extreme. 4-HO-MET for me is already sort of like tryptamine adrenaline and sensory overload of course, so I guess I should have expected 4-AcO-MET to be even crazier, which I really did, but not to this degree. That trip was also full of greatly enhanced empathy and seeing life from other peoples' perspectives and personal insights into improving my own behaviors, more so than almost any other psychedelic I've tried. Definitely a remarkable experience.
Nitrous Oxide - This is my favorite dissociative without question. I've been using it for a little over half a year now and I honestly never want to take a psychedelic again without also having some around, as long as I've got lots of vitamin B12 handy. I've tried ketamine and that caused a similar dissociation to nitrous oxide but with stronger hallucinations, so it has that, but the nitrous is just fun. I've grown to really enjoy the eternity within each balloon. When I'm tripping solo I tend to fill the balloon to its max and typically only do a few balloons a trip at least for the shorter psychedelics, and I only trip at least two weeks apart, so I'm not too worried about overusing it. Keeping it up at this rate has shown no tolerance in me, and in fact I actually feel that it has a reverse tolerance because of how much more easily I can get into the state with each successive experience. The nitrous oxide experience generally begins for me with my thoughts starting to spiral into mystical delirium usually about golden ratios or infinities or what have you without me noticing. I begin asking myself questions which make no sense, but those questions are also becoming increasingly distant until they completely disappear. Sounds may start to echo and vibrate into patterns that I can sense the exact mathematics of. If my eyes are open, everything in sight will begin to blur heavily and my eyes will become steadily more unfocussed. My body becomes filled with an incredible euphoria and then also slowly drifts away into nothingness. Suddenly, I am filled with an incredible sense of understanding, but for something I cannot recall. Sometimes I may have the desire to tell my friends about this amazing thing that I have realized, but I wonder how I could possibly explain such an ineffably wonderful thing to them without sounding completely insane. However, it occurs to me that this entire thought process
is insane, and I find this hilarious, laughing myself slowly back down into reality. As the room reform around me in my mind's eye, it may first cycle through inappropriate mental maps based on previous locations I have used nitrous oxide in. Afterwards, only a wonderful body high, a great mood, and mild lingering dissociation persist for a few minutes.
The nitrous oxide experience is great because it brings everything into the timeless, bottomless well that is ego loss. I would have to say that its most significant use of that that I've noticed so far for sure has been its ability to blend two psychedelic trips into one. Very often when I take two psychedelics at the same time, they sort of fight each other at first. Eventually they may resolve to a point, but it still feels like two different trips. With a proper full dose of nitrous oxide, all attachments to anything outside of my void outside of time disappear and everything about the experience merges into one beautiful masterpiece. Of course, they have to be some pretty good psychedelics individually to reach that point as well, but they always blend better afterward regardless. It is worth noting that this will not happen fully unless I reach a point of
complete loss of self on the nitrous oxide, the kind that like totally reboots reality, which on psychedelics for me is always followed by uproarious laughter. This same setup actually applies equally to me for the combination of nitrous oxide and only a single psychedelic. The thing about me and psychedelics is that I seem to be fairly insensitive to serotonergic ego loss. It happens to a degree, but I'm generally in control even on very high doses of things. Despite this, I still would really like to experience ego death while on psychedelics, and I know how much stronger my trips become after that point as well. Of all of the things I've ever tried to combine with psychedelics, only two classes of drugs have succeeded, and one is dissociatives. Nitrous oxide is the answer to my problems because it allows me to enjoy the trips I have normally with moments of complete ego death so that I still get to experience that as well and accelerate my trips into overdrive at the same time. I consider it just a part of my psychedelic experiences now like cannabis.
Cannabis - Ah, what a strained relationship I have with this plant. I love cannabis, I really do. It makes everything better, when I treat it right. Most of the time I smoke it too often to really get the full benefits of its effects. Probably the most important effect for my story though is the way it effects my behavior. As I mentioned under nitrous oxide, I seem to not be very sensitive to more "psychotic" cognitive distortions such as ego loss and thought disorders from psychedelics. On the other hand, it seems that I'm actually fairly sensitive to manic and very rarely even psychotic behaviors from cannabinoids. When I first started using cannabis, I went totally out of my mind for a few months, and I didn't even think anything of it at the time. I actually had morals before any of this, but at the time I was just ready to explode and I guess having a new powerful form of escapism was all I needed. I both did and allowed things that I seriously regret in retrospect and have been dealing with psychologically ever since, because I was just too out of it to notice anything outside my own little world. Honestly, most of those few months is just a total blur to me now, I just remember maybe a few short clips. What I do remember is that when I first started smoking, we were getting very high quality buds as it was and I was keeping up with the smoking habits of a friend who had already been a heavy user for years. Add that on top of my typical cannabis reaction anyway, and it's not surprising that I was actually tripping pretty hard for...