2-3 months ago my friend was first introduced to DMT. He first heard about it through Ayahuasca, and then through learning about what it was, he quickly began researching DMT and all of its qualities. He got obsessed. He spent countless hours on forums, youtube, documentaries, etc... Many of those hours right here on this site. The most fascinating ideas of what this substance could potentially be:
- a way to view through senses we otherwise wouldn't be able to - parallel universe
- the afterlife and place where your soul stays between different lives
- understanding and being with the 'creator' or ultimate power
- aliens
If one has read as much as my friend has about different experiences, implications, and ideas they would know that there is a lot of reason to believe that there could be something supernatural. He always believed that there is a greater power, but often made realizations that there might not be at all, and we die and existence vanishes permanently. The idea of eternal unknowingness or loss of existence is the most terrifying concept he could think of. All of a sudden, he learns about a chemical that allows oneself to get in touch with whatever this is and the idea rocked his world. A At the same time though, he also had an understanding that as humans we tend to try and find greater purpose. Eventually his interest and obsession transformed from DMT to much deeper concepts about reality, consciousness, perception, existence, etc... Without ever even trying the chemical, its as if his entire perception was changing.
Just a couple days ago, after all this obsessing, he and all his friends sat down and prepared to blast off. They were very nervous; they all had a tremendous amount of respect for DMT. He packed the GVG and began to vape. He had read so much about it and he is finally doing it. As he was taking his first pull, it started to hit right away. All the expected symptoms and a cool body buzz he didn't expect. He tried to focus on his surroundings but his mind kept thinking about different versions of himself. Him at work and that environment, him with his girlfriend, his friends, and so forth. Its as if he was beginning to lose it (his mind) and he was trying to hold on for some reason. He didn't care to though, he wanted to breakthrough. It was all amazing and astonishing as they say, but he didn't break through, he was there in the room. They had a ton left, so they took more rounds.
The second time around he made a big effort to break through. This time, wanted to close his eyes. There were again pretty cool visuals. It looked like small icon-like images. Kind of like the transformers logo, but different. The lines that made it were thin but extremely colorful and rainbowy and moving around. Eventually there was the fractal visuals of those icons and then through all that he began seeing a movement to the right side of his field of view, like a hand gently waving him over. He felt that it was telling him that everything is going to be okay. Stop looking so hard for something and just be. He still felt present in that room with the other guys but took a few minutes to soak it all in. Eventually when he came back, he looked around and wasnt sure if he had truly 'broken through' and wanted to go again. He wanted to go back there and investigate further.
The 3rd time around. This time, he decided to try to take one massive hit and hold in for as long as possible. This worked well - highly recommended. Started blasting off again and had the same take off as before. Closed eye visuals of transformer like rainbow icons stretching across my plain of vision. This time, he feels like he is pulled higher and then starts appearing a face. Kind of like a neon sign in vegas - except its the devil or something totally sinister. Deep fear sets in and he is confused on why the trip is showing him this. He is trying to cope with it and justify why the guide is deciding to give him a bad trip. Soon he realize its ridiculing him and telling him that he has no control. That it will do what it wants. It starts transforming around him out of his control and the simple idea of trying to even comprehend what it is, means, or anything is futile. Its laughing at him and saying, stop searching so hard, this power has the ultimate control and trying to conceive it is somehow self-defeating. It even forces him to look to the right and he is jolted to look to the right (both in his trip and in reality). He almost felt as if its punishing him for going back. As if it told him what he should know in the 2nd trip, that he doesnt need to look so hard and that things will be okay, but here he went anyways....to search. If he was going to this place to find/learn/acquire something, he should not be trying to force on certain experiences to happen similar to what he had read. He needs to surrender control.
He is still trying to make sense of all of this and its true meanings - but that thought alone is again self-defeating. The trip told him not to search so hard, but now hes searching meaning in that message. Basically, right after the trip and even the day after, his mind kept going into these infinite loops of thoughts on reality. Sometimes it even felt like he could lose his mind sober. A prevailing feeling since is that he has is to constantly focus on ego. Writing this, he was entirely aware of his ego - down to this very sentence (again, his mind wanders to another infinite loop). In reality however, he always felt as if he had a very suppressed ego. Nonetheless, he cannot stop focusing on every time he strokes it - even when most subtle.
He wanted to share this experience and read other peoples thoughts or interpretations. Probably just to somehow serve his ego.