Greetings fellow travelers and adventurers!
My journey began almost 45 years ago when I was born. When I was a child, I was the youngest of 5 and a latecomer. Both of my parents worked very hard to provide all of us with the best environment they could see fit to provide. As a result, my earliest years were spent on my own, so to speak. I learned yesterday for the first time about Indigo children and after reading all about it, I recognized how much I exhibited many of those traits myself when I was very young.
As I approached 7-8 years old, things began to change. My father became a binging alcoholic to the point where he had to have 3/4 of his stomach removed at 36 years old because he had done so much damage. My mother, doing her best to cope with little to no support, turned to religion as her means of escape. And she drug me with her... I spent the next 10 years thrown into an extreme evangelical christian environment. And I proceeded to retreat into myself and play the part assigned to me. The real me got quite buried.
Thankfully, my intelligence kept me afloat throughout my school years and into University. When I turned 19, I was having a spiritual crisis, I knew that the faith I was following was not right for me but walking away would have crushed my Mother's spirit. It was a real struggle that took months to work through but, in the end, I had to be true to myself and follow my conscience and hope that my mother would understand. Well, she didn't understand. However, being that she was such an amazing woman, she also didn't take it badly. We continued up until her death being very close friends. Sadly, there never came a time that I could relate to her on a spiritual level other than her own dogmatic view of things. But I loved her too much and respected her trials too much to push my views onto her and chose to live by example instead.
It was at 19 that I started to become re-awakened. I remember clearly reading Desiderata on a poster and how it spoke deeply to me, even though I didn't understand why. I made the break from religion and then, as teenagers often do, began to explore a party lifestyle.
The next thing I know, I've graduated from University with two degrees (Engineering and Business) and became an "adult" and entered the workforce.
Holy crap... If I thought the structures of the educational institutions were stifling, I wasn't even remotely prepared for the poison of the corporate pyramid structure!
I've struggled mightily ever since my first real job to fit in. I found myself getting more angry and more cynical as the years went on. I simply couldn't make any sense of it. The way that corruption rules decision making at the top. Those at the top don't promote on merit, they promote their own kind instead. So you're left with greed and incompetence naturally rising to power positions in a structure that no longer serves humanity and is increasingly destructive towards healthy growth. I couldn't pervert my integrity and honesty to become a part of that environment and, as a result, did not advance even though my education and work ethic are absolutely stellar. It just didn't matter. And I am thankful for that in a sense though! Had I moved up, I may not be in this place right now. And I am finally loving the place I am in, finally in a safe environment through which to find myself again and continue on the path my higher self is guiding me on.
My mother and father are both onto better lives now. The death of my Mother over three years ago was a big part of my transformation I realize now. Honestly though, I would say the real changes started about a year ago when I started looking at bitcoin technology from an economic and financial perspective. As I began to understand the transformational importance of the block chain, I got excited.
And I hadn't been excited about anything in a long time... As it happens, I dove in the deep end. I researched and studied and watched and learned and was enthralled and fascinated the whole time. I still am!
After being in what felt like a consciousness coma for so many years, as my mind started to wake up, it had a voracious appetite. Not kidding.
Thanks to the internet, I was devouring information all over the place. I decided to have some fun and try just going where my mind led me, sort of like an experiment. I have a stable job that isn't exciting but it's palatable so I was able to allow myself to journey into new territories without the stress of work clouding my mind. I'm only there because the bills still have to get paid and it could be much worse. So for now, that part of my life is staying where it is until something else presents itself. Working on the expectations side of the equation is very tricky!
Then a few months ago I happened on a video about perception by the theoretical physicist David Bohm and my mind was BLOWN! If thought comes first, that changes everything. It's profound. And as soon as I heard it, I
knew it to be true. But here the kicker, I didn't
believe it to be true. And I asked myself, how can this be? Do I respond as I always have with the assumption that my intuition is wrong and to trust what I've been taught? Or, maybe, just
maybe, the problem hasn't been my intuition, it's been the belief structures I rely on? Where do they come from? Are "known facts" really facts or should
that be what we question? I decided to go with it and try to find those answers and thus began my real journey of understanding.
I am nowhere close to being done this journey, I'm still a fledgling even after all these years, but I intend to continue travelling this path because it is invigorating. I'm tired of being afraid and I choose not to be any longer. What I find most difficult is peeling back those layers and analyzing the root causes of all my fears. Sometimes looking for those answers brings up many issues that have been buried for a long time. In order to deal with them analytically so as to advance my spiritual growth, I've decided to allow myself permission to actually have feelings because they are the warning signs my subconscious uses to point out important things out to me. I need to pay attention!
I never used to view feelings that way. As a professional woman, I'd always been conditioned that emotions have no place in an adult world, so I always buried them while trying to play the part. That was a mistake. Ignoring my emotional reactions to things and being purely rational, while in fitting with my inherent personality type, made it such that my belief structures became twisted and false. And now I am trying to unwind them and it is a challenge, but an exciting challenge at the same time.
I won't continue to describe here all of the thousands of insights I've had or connections I've made on this journey so far, it's enough to fill a book!
I just wanted to introduce myself.
I have done a ton of research on DMT as an enlightenment tool and after much consideration, I have decided to embark on an Ayahuasca experience. This forum played a huge role in my research so I finally decided to join this community and thank you for all the great information contained here. If I can also contribute in a positive way, then that's what I shall do. As I said, my journey is on-going. It's great to meet all of you!
Cheers
Truth is the equal sign.