Hi all,

First of all, thanks for all the feedback and advice prior to my weekend - all good stuff!

So, all in all, I had a rather psychedelic weekend. My friend Tom came up to visit, who has tripped before on shrooms and mesc and a little bit of DMT, but not LSD.

Friday night, Tom and I mostly got into jamming on Rocksmith before settling down for some DMT. Tom didn't want to go full blast off, so we both hit .02 doses (using the parsley as a sandwich, good call there).

Tom ended up smoking the bong, and then fighting the dose, which left him a bit rattled. I went with the same dose, and had a largely pleasant five minutes spinning out on everything morphing. We then got into the discussion of Tom fighting his dose - something which would become a reoccurring theme throughout the weekend.

Tom has a fear, and he knows it's largely irrational, that if let the transcendental thinking get the better of him, his mind would stay wherever he went and not come back. We discussed it after the DMT experience, but it obviously ran deeper than I previously imagined.

The following day, we had the choice of DMT, mescaline, and LSD. Never having done LSD before, Tom opted for that, and I was more than happy to join in. We had a Kerbal Space Program mission planned where we'd use DMT at the start of the trip as a 'solid fuel booster', and then go into the LSD as a main course whilst we were floating around in space. However, Tom decided against the DMT at the last minute, so it ended up being only myself using the DMT to get the trip going.

This time, I packed a .03, which went down smoothly. Once again, I picked Hendrix for company, and while I didn't breakthrough, I still had an awesome time. As I came down from the DMT, I began to feel the LSD take over (we started at 200ug) and we both got into that. As Tom got more and more into the trip, I began to notice what might be at the root and cause of Tom's fear - the ego. Not wanting to let go, whilst not creating a bad trip, was certainly giving the trip an edge. After hitting the peak, I figured that we might as well up the dose so that we weren't trapped between the real world and acid world, and perhaps we can deal with the ego conflict that way.

For the most part, this approach worked. An extra 100ug each put us both firmly in acid world, but yet, Tom was still on edge about falling into the transcendental thinking on acid. This then became a large part of the trip (ie. talking about the thinking and his fear of letting things slide), which kind of chucked a spanner in the works for me as I didn't really get any time to myself to let myself slide away - one of my favourite things about the drug.

One thing I did get the time to do though was to think back to a trip around this time last year, which I'm clearly still unpacking. On LSD, Mandy, a little cocaine, and a an unidentified psychedelic we'd bought thinking it was speed (we didn't know otherwise until I gave it to a friend as speed and set another 5 people off on powerful trips), I had an awesome moment where everything came together, I felt like I'd completed all life, and slid into a state where matter seemed to break down into infinity. My only other strong trip between this weekend and then was an acid trip back in April, where I touched the feeling of last year's trip, but still wasn't able to make sense of it sober. Now, after the 300ug dose, I can now touch that feeling whilst sober, which is immense for me.

I discussed this whole thing with Tom in a bid to get him to understand that you do come back, but he was mostly content with the fact that he was now a ball of energy, so that worked out all right.

However, about 9 hours in, I decided to go with the DMT again. I felt ready to just go for it, and hit a blastoff. But I figured I'd just pack another .03 dose, and see how I got on with it. As soon as I hit it though, I knew it'd been a mistake. I went into cartoon land with the visuals, and while I felt great and loved the visuals, the whole in-depth discussion of Tom not wanting to let go was now preventing me from doing so. I could feel the DMT dragging me, just daring me to close my eyes and let it flow, but for some reason, I just couldn't, and used every ounce of mental power to keep myself in reality. Whilst I wouldn't call it a bad trip, it was definitely a hyperslap to some degree, and I longed for it to be over. When the acid was back in charge, the relief was something immensely profound.

Afterwards, we took a walk to a hill I like to watch the sunset on whilst under the influence, and I thought deeply about the whole experience. Why did I fight the DMT so vigorously? Perhaps I didn't need the breakthrough, having already had something similar a year before which I was only now starting to come to terms with? Maybe it was just the setting, and not wanting to leave Tom alone in this reality?

On reflection, I pondered whether I actually needed the DMT breakthrough, and if I was doing it for any reason other than the sheer experience? With other psychedelics, I took them to better know myself in order to treat my depression, and I'd succeeded. Perhaps I already have all the answers I'd been looking for?

Overall, I had a great time. The new bong worked perfectly for DMT. The first two smaller doses were great. The third dose on acid was also enjoyable in it's own right, albeit in a more nerve racking sense than I am used to with psychedelics. Tom also very much enjoyed his first LSD experience, and seeing as my role here was more to introduce him and guide him through the experience than to revel in it myself (perhaps another reason for the misfire), it was very much mission accomplished. I would say though, I can't recommend combining DMT with acid in any form though. While the starting dose went fine, it did significantly shorten my trip. Tom went from 1 PM to 6 AM - my visuals were pretty much dead by midnight (any other nexus types had their trip shortened by DMT?)

That said, I feel I need to spend more time developing the link that's now there in my head to that infinity state I experienced last year. I will more than likely do DMT again, but I think I need to give it a couple of months at least to really dwell on the breakthrough and what it would, or should, mean to me, and my motivations behind it.

Hey man, good read - glad you had an interesting time! Gotta say i was always fascinated by the idea of taking DMT whilst at the peak of an acid trip (probably from mckenna) but not sure If i could handle it if you were wanting it to go back to normal/fighting it.

Great report!
I understand Tom though.



His fear of letting go, the fear of death, the fear of losing yourself (ego), i can't blame him that he's scared, it can happen, you can lose yourself, actually, i believe it's expected, but i think you tried to give him a higher dose than he was comfortable with?

I think it was a great idea, like you said, otherwise your'e trapped between two states, if you take more than you dare, you step out of your comfort zone, into the unknown, but that's kind of the point imo, you go much deeper, and letting go is much easier, it feels a little more natural, also because you can't resist anymore, even if you wanted to.

The transcendental thinking can last for a LONG time though, i used to think more "ethereal" than i do now when i used to trip more, a few times a month, on LSD or Psilocybin, i took a break from psychedelics and i can see more clearly now, paradoxically.

The feeling of infinity you described, i think i recognize it, does it feel, empty, in a way?
Like a state you've been before, many times before, but you've forgot about it, and when you finally return you know it, an ancient state of mind, it feels like thousands of years old.

heresy, heresy i tell thee.

glad you had a good time Shanghigher, sounds like the new bong worked a treat.

Japansage, I think I could probably handle the LSD/DMT combo better if I was by myself as I would've had a very different lead into it, and then would've been more comfortable allowing myself to slide. I think it's something I may try again, but I need to think through my set and setting in advance next time.

Makyo, yep. I fully understand where Tom was coming from. When you do slide off, the concept of yourself does die for a time, but then when you come back, your consciousness is reborn. I get why people do fear it, but it's never been a major issue for me. I never even thought about it until Tom started talking about his fear!

And yeah, the extra LSD definitely helped him drop into LSD zone. He'd been on a similar level with shrooms before, so with that and myself guiding him, I knew he'd take plenty from the experience. Big dose to begin with, and in stark contrast to my own introduction to LSD, but seemed to do the trick! At least it wasn't an acid thumbprint

As for the feeling of infinity, exactly that on all but one point. Rather than it being empty, it felt full. I guess it depends on the observer, because it is everything and it is nothing. For me though, definitely the former

And 3rdI, definitely! Got the smoking technique down now, so now just a case of getting my hands on some more spice at some point at puffing tuff!

I didn't meet, or talk to many people who know what i meant, you seem to know, except for the feeling of it being empty then, but if you felt it was ancient and you've been there thousands of times before, but forgot about being there from the moment you where born, then you'll know exactly what i'm talking about.

Someone suggested it's Samsara, perhaps it is, maybe not, but after reading the Tibetan Book of the Dead i truly believe these people knew exactly what they where writing down, how they came to such profound knowledge is a mystery to me, i mean, how can you know what happens after you die, nevertheless i believe the people who wrote it know.No wonder Timothy Leary based his book on it.

I think i almost reached that state again on an LSD trip, but it was different then, i also came to the "realization", if it was one, that everything is an illusion, me, you, every invention ever made, everything is an illusion, at the same time you are creating it/me, as i am creating it/you.

I try to forget about this really, i can't live a normal life knowing it is all an illusion, and honestly, it doesn't make much sense when sober, but when i came to that realization i knew it was true, i knew we live and die, but always return, in a never-ending loop, this idea is again very similar to Buddhism.

I'm not sure how much i can believe from realizations as this, maybe it was temporary insanity, but i'm definitely not the only one who feels, and those people don't take psychedelics, people like Mooji for example.

The first time i reached that state i was on a high Psilocybin dose, i experienced ego death prior to that state, i felt like i'd died and that was the place i woke up to.

It's been 6 or 7 years, but i still remember the feeling when i think of it.

I'm glad you had a good time man, peace.