No matter how tramatizing an experience can be I have found it in my best intrest to listen to these messages and improve myself. I have felt like crap waking up and just a lack of energy and motivation to do anything, but in my recent travels, I have found out alot more to what I need to prioritize in my life.
DRINKING, enough said. My most revieling exp. came to me when I smoked DMT out of impulse, i was drinking,(i know all you put your heads in your hands) and my thinking skills werent the best for anybody even if it was me the piolot making the moves. So i drew a really long toke out of my assigned dmt pipe just for blasting off.

As I drew in I could feel the comeup a little rougher than usual, and then a beautiful pattern emerged, beautiful feather pattern of a birds wing. and from those patterns were lessons. Lessons I didnt hear! From smallest to biggest feather on the wings. They came out and though what was needed from the pattern of knowlage, but, forgot them instantly as i went to the next feather in the pattern to learn something new, and my forgetful pattern started i was learning and forgetting these important lessons! Everything I was craving to know! Out the window.
As I was coming down and slipping back into this reality I heard two voices talking amongst themselves, "You think he will remember?" one voice says. "Nah, he aint gonna remember..." the other says....

Out of everything that was tought to me, all these beautiful lessons, what made me, me. Was forgotten...
How many times have I been shitfaced to the point were i dont even remember anything that happens in this life, reality, call it what you will, but couldnt remember because I was numb to the point where I couldnt? How would that make me feel in the long run? Looking back at everything in this life, and had nothing to remember it by, even the good memories would be forgotten as I was on my death bed? How would you accend knowing this? Also at a greater point of view, would you want someone drunk in your home all time as well? Not me! So when I enter my temple of myself I need to be clear. It makes perfect sense to me, because we all want to remember the good times but when we take for granted what should be a gift or enjoyment, it hurts us in the end, all because of a "LiL SomthinSumthin". That was the beer i was drinking, and as i reached for one all this was because, of me, because I wanted a "LiL SomthinSumthin" to take me away.

Thanks for reading! It took alot to post this, maybe because I hated myself for soo long not being able to control myself with my drinking problem, my subcontus really did a number on me at this point, even yelled at me for not controlling myself, and heard and felt it, I know now what i need to do now.

Bless everyone here at the Nexus! You are all Wonderful!