Okay so this past year and a half (roughly) have been a pretty difficult time for me. It all started with a failed engagement that left me totally heart broken and empty. To fill this emptiness I developed a pretty crazy heroin addiction.... after six months of that life of hell I got myself clean and have been for over 90 days. Although some things are much better, I still feel an emptiness inside.....iI'm almost numb to all emotion positive or negative. Its extremely hard for me to have fun and to have any enjoyment in life. This is all accompanied by an extreme case of social anxiety which further isolates me.

What bothers me the most, though, is what I'm doing with my life. Currently, I'm a barber and I really really don't like my job. Granted its better than a lot of jobs, but I still feel so unfulfilled and my life lacks freedom which is what I ultimately want. Ever since joining the psychedelic community ive known that I want to put my interest and knowledge of these substances to use in some way. I want to create an opportunity for myself to live freely and happily. I can't keep up working for someone else my whole life and feeling like I'm in a cage. Has anyone here taken their interest in entheogens and consciousness to the next level and turned it somewhat into a lifestyle? I feel as if I have a calling in this area, but I just don't know what it is, and its getting very bothersome :/ thanks all!!

I'm truly sorry to hear what you're going through, man.

My situation isn't filled with as much physical or emotional pain, but I definitely have an unfulfilled, superficial, socially-caged type issue.

To make a long story short, about 4 months ago I discovered meditation for a second time, only this time, for some fateful reason perhaps, it was like a lightning bolt of knowledge.

It led me back to DMT...which I took interest in 10 years ago but haven't thought about too much in between.

But, the part you might be interested in...is that just recently, as in, within this past week, my fiancee and I have decided to start planning our move from TX to Argentina.

She is a native Argentine who left when she was 15, and we have really always talked about moving there one day.

The goal was always to do the normal American Dream, get careers, be successful, have kids, then think about moving...

It's just all so disgusting to me though, western society that is...it's all backwards, and we value all of the wrong things. My fiancee always told me about life in Argentina, and how it is so much different, so much more full of LIFE, than here. It's about friends, family, PEOPLE.

Of course Argentina has big cities and western influence, also, but we are targeting the Northwest of the country, not so heavily populated, near the foothills of the Andes mountains.

I will not spend 2016 in the United States. (I sure can't bear to watch the country elect H.Clinton - lol)

Instead, I will be living a peaceful life, with my friends and family, in a semi-rural suburb in the shadow of a beautiful mountain range.

My fiancee's distant family still operates a vineyard in the area. It's not beyond my imagination that I may find work there.



I am ready to walk through a tear in my reality and look at the world from a completely different perspective.

We will likely sell or give away everything we have before moving there. I don't care about any of my 'STUFF' any more. (shout out to the late George Carlin)

We just hit that ledge, where jumping looks like a better option.

What do you think?

Thanks for the reply man! I think your decision to take off is a great one, and I'm super jealous that you have the opportunity to do so. Like you, I really have no desire in living the American dream.... I'm only 20 years old so I understand that I have a lot of time for things to turn around but I can't help but feel totally stuck, like I'm never going to be able to live the life I truly want... I just have no idea where to start...... I've been looking into work exchange a bit, due to my intense craving to travel... I also really want to get to the jungle for an aya session..... there's just so much I know I need to do but I feel like there's no way to do it .... maybe im just rushing life, but SOMETHING has got to change.

That's the thing...so do you.

So does anyone.

We were 'waiting' for the perfect time to have the perfect amount of money and the perfect plan and nothing is perfect.

You have to ask yourself what is holding you back from actually doing the things you want.

If the answers to these questions have to do with fear of the unknown, then you need to press on.

Fear of the unknown, (i.e. where will we live, where will we work, will we be financially stable, will we be happy, will life be more difficult) is something that has held me back this whole time.

I just know what you feel like when you say SOMETHING has got to change for you.

I read an old proverb somewhere that mentioned something about looking for the catalyst that will ignite the change in your life, when you are feeling just the way you are.

I'd ask you to imagine two possibilites:

1.) you risk changing your life/lifestyle completely and don't like it

2.) you never risk it, and 10 years later you regret not ever risking it, realizing that not risking it never got you anywhere either.


Best of luck!

Now that you mention it I guess I am just getting in my own way.... fear of the unknown is definitely something I struggle with, as is my conditioned need to be "perfect" to my family... I subconsciously seek acceptance for the things I do and would rather hear things from others rather then diving in and taking my own word for it. I'm going to have to work something out, and get myself going instead of going further into this funk.

Adjart right on this case, what is holding you back, its more of a mental block to keep you from progressing but your the one doing it to yourself in a sense, ive been there before and continue to struggle cause i own a buisness of my own and there are constant problems, constant thinking on how to remidy them and make people happy with your results. Thing is, you can only be the best you allow yourself to be, if u wanna be better and progress look at the other things that may be taking up time in your life, or take time to think about these things thinking and planning are the basis for any sucess.

Im so sorry to hear about your fiance', I can relate to that on a case i had my own. Its just not meant to be, or its just not the right time to be together, its not your fault and nor anybody should blame you for it, even yourself shouldnt. Its a hard ride of ups and downs in this life, but its always going to get better just dont give in to the bullshit my friend, youll be ok, your only what 20? You got alot of time to find the "perfect one". Hang in there, and keep your head up i know you can do it. You will find her when your least expecting, having a companion is something that we all long for, but you will find her when you least expect it, i got with my wife for buying a pepsi at nob hill lolol, long story, but the folds unfold properly in time.

My best wishes to you friend, Keep your Head High

Now that you mention it I guess I am just getting in my own way.... fear of the unknown is definitely something I struggle with, as is my conditioned need to be "perfect" to my family... I subconsciously seek acceptance for the things I do and would rather hear things from others rather then diving in and taking my own word for it. I'm going to have to work something out, and get myself going instead of going further into this funk.

Whoops sorry about the double post. ... thank you guys a lot for the quick responses. This is a great community and its nice to finally see a forum with regulations about the way you treat and communicate with others

Thats why we all come to this place, to forget about the crap that we deal with and talk as rational, intellectual people with stories to tell oneanother to help the best way we can and relate, I had probs not as extreame and got support, we are all good people trying to help eachother. Im a new member as well an been here a month, it feels like family already i can ask anything and not worry about judgment,

glad your here friend!

Hi Tyler_Trismegistus,

I can relate somewhat to your story. I felt very stuck for many years in my life. I was so desperate at times that I even considered joining the military, just to get away from the predictability and nothingness that I felt was my life. I'm so glad I didn't. In the end I started using psychedelics to clarify my path in life and decided I needed to do some real world traveling to figure things out. But how? I needed money, I needed...

I quit my job with several months of advance notice, moved back in with my parents to save money, sold or gave away all my stuff, started learning a new language, through this started meeting new people, started getting new ideas and then suddenly the opportunity came.

This is the third year that I'm living my dream, and I'm loving it. I don't have any safety anymore, no health insurance or pension, but I'm doing what I love, and I'm growing and continuing to learn every day, while before I was wasting away.

You definitely need to risk to win, and you need to become clear on what you want. Then you need to seize the opportunities that pass by, be open to change and the possibilities that are presented. You need to try new stuff, otherwise you might never know what else is out there. Perhaps the opportunity of your lifetime is just one conversation away.

good luck.

You guys all rule.... I can relate to what you said about psychedelics making things clear.... the last experience I had made things very clear.... almost painfully clear..... I ended up cutting a few negative pieces off my life after, and am still trying to figure out how to do this..... I feel as if I'm in a period in my life where I need to get out there or else the opportunities will just fade. I'm going to try and be a little more courageous now

I believe most of us experience the ebb and flow of emotions accompanied with modern life. Its only been some 10,000 years since we made the transition from simple self-sustained social groups to this seemingly chaotic infrastructure. You are not alone.
My best advice is to keep doing what you're doing. You are clean now but it will take some time for you to regain solace in normalcy. The emptiness is just a void where addiction used to reside. You are here seeking guidance and in recovery which is systematically filling that void. Life is returning, Not to what it was but what you will make it. The change that you seek is on the horizon but it will take time. Stay patient and focus.



Most definitely! Entheogens are a lifestyle. Cannabis helps for a more introspective mind at the end of stressful day and relaxes the body. I find cannabis and or meditation can help with most of life's obstacles. Entheogens can deliver profound answers and comprehension but you must be a receptive vessel seeking question.

Thanks man. I actually have a really similar view on cannabis..... I used to smoke it all throughout the day, until recently.... I started smoking only at night after work and everything is over with, usually along with a firecracker as well (I highly recommend them btw ) and I'm getting the psychological part of cannabis back which kind of dwindled away when using all day. Since I posted this, I went and applied for my passport and already started booking my first trip to the amazon.... July 24 - 27

Thanks for making this thread. I can really relate to your situation, I too feel very down about my current living situation and future.

I currently live in a small apartment in a small European country, and am thoroughly let down by western society. I sort of feel like my life is being lived for me, that it is sort of expected of me to just put up with dedicating my entire life to simply buy and maintain a house in a city I don't really want to live in, and further tying myself to the ever-expanding list of BS obligations handed down by the government. The consumerism and mindless material grind is really hollowing me out to the point where I am questioning whether or not I actually want to bring any children into this "system".

I work as a programmer, which I thought myself as a kid and later went on to study because I was fascinated by the possibilities and creativity behind the process, but in practice I spent the majority of the time working overtime for faceless corporations. While I still enjoy working on small fun projects in my spare time, I don't think I will keep up doing it as a profession for another 10+ years.

I want to move out into a more rural area and live a more simple lifestyle, doing something I actually love and not feeling like "a cog in the machine". Looking forward to being able to travel and see more of the world, first on my list: Angkor Wat, Cambodia

Note: I hope nobody takes offense to my post, I am simply expressing my honest feelings. If you do not agree with my views, that's absolutely fine. It's hard to write this down without coming across as a paranoid conspiracy theorist. I'm not, honestly! :-)




Awesome! Be sure to let us know how it's been when you get back, I'm sure that'll be an incredible experience
Can also relate to the cannabis sentiment. I used to smoke 2-3 joints a day every day, but recently started to only smoke during the weekend since it did turn into a sort of habit for me that turned into smoking for the sake of smoking rather than optimally enjoying the effects. I feel more level-headed throughout the work week now too, and whenever I do smoke I have less tolerance and take more time to savor my smoke

Yeah man Western Society totally throws bad vibes my way. It actually almost brings up anger inside of me... well it's more like disappointment I guess. No matter how hard I've tried I just can't be OKAY with the way things are.... Being domesticated into employment instead of implementing a way to help people with a passion of mine. I also have suffered from isolation for quite some time... No females even FLIRTED with me for almost a year. About a month ago I got desparate and decided to test the law of attraction. I gave it my intention of what a perfect life would be, and what I'm looking for in a partner to explore my dreams with. Well, I had forgotten about this request. I felt when I posted this so stuck and so distraught that I was stuck like that for good. The other day though, I met the most beautiful person inside and out and after having a conversation, recieved that cosmic understanding that my wish was being granted. Everything that I find beautiful about a human being. She's been traveling the country the past year and said she felt a force pulling her to stop back home for a while. She found me there. I know it's getting ahead of myself, but I feel a HUGE synchronicity right now and I can't help but think that I'm supposed to take off and travel with her to live both of our dreams simultaneously.

Synchronicity does love to work for you, once you start looking for it.

But like with everything else, there is a balance.

Recognize that you are in a vulnerable spot and add that to your perceptions.

But wow, this thread is feeling like home.

(Ajna), don't worry about sounding like a conspiracy theorist.

In the real world, the actual conspiracies are much more shocking than the theories.

There's a reason you (and many others) feel the way you do.

Humans are not meant to live like this.

Consumerism, false freedom, greedy men in suits deciding for us what is right and wrong, economic slavery...

It's all backwards.

Come to find out it's been the same war all along.

The urge to do psychedelics, to crave for understanding, to question authority, and to live a happy life, are all innate natural tendencies. These things are what make us human, and yes, we are onto something. Yes, the knowledge and power in our own minds has been hidden from us.

It's a common belief among the meditation religions that just a few % increase in enlightened beings in the world's population is enough to completely change it.

The goal is to do you the best that you can, so good in fact, that you emanate outwards, positively affecting those around you, effortlessly.

I like to think of all these things, false freedom, consumerism, comfort, security, conspiracies etc. as spiritual challenges we need to overcome. Once they no longer affect us, we can move on.

But there's something else... I've been out of my own country for some time now and have seen how people live in other places, have met people from all over the world, and not just the kind that are open minded travelers. You think people in your modern and western country are blind or don't know what's really going on? You haven't seen anything yet. There is such an abyss of ignorance and incomprehension in other parts of the world that it's staggeringly frightening. The way things work in some countries borders on miracles, compared to "our way" of doing things and a lot of times they only work on the surface. I think it will take A LOT more than a few enlightened minds to make things work in a better way. Most of all it will take time.

We don't just have to change western civilization but think about the most populated countries in the world - the education there is miserable and consciousness about polution or other global problems is very lacking. Communication with people sometimes isn't even straight forward, even if you seem to speak the same language. There seems to me to be a lot more to the problem of our current living conditions on this planet than simple consumerism or western society.

Anyway, the world is a big place and there are places worth seeing and things worth doing, people worth meeting. But taking a step away from consumerism etc. will also mean giving up on some of the things that are valued in a consumeristic society. People still find it hard to believe that I do what I do as afull time job and not as some kidn of student exchange programm. A lot of times I get people telling me how they'd like to do what I do but they have to work a "real job". And I guess they do, because that's what they value. Me, I gave that up.

That's a really good point to bring up.... us American psychonauts like to forget that and only see the ignorance in the culture were swallowed by on a day to day basis.... the reality though like you said is that its a global epidemic. There is a level of self-UNawareness that makes some animals look self aware. I mean look at Korea, their people grow up from the moment they are born bring taught that their ruler Kim is GOD. They blindly put their faith in this horrible man and succumb to modern day slavery.

I've been brainstorming a lot lately and have decided a plan to at least do SOMETHING to follow my passion and contribute to the world in the best way I can. I believe that the way that I can best do this is to use the internet.... there's really no more effective way to immediately transmit information and value that anyone with access can extract knowledge from. My current project in place is working on a blog site/forum based on altered states of consciousness particularly entheogenic States. I'm coupling my love of writing with my love of psychedelics and my talents as a visionary artist. I'll probably also include an art gallery to display some of my psychedelic paintings along with any other people whod like. I'm gonna call it internal alchemy.

Even though its not like this is exactly a "job" and hasn't even started yet, even THINKING about doing this feels better and more fulfilling than what I'm currently doing.

I wish you the best of luck with this plan, and very much I look forward to the day that you share a link with us!

This, I definitely agree with. I feel like I am now in a place where these things don't bother me nearly as much as they used to. It was only a matter of choice. I just chose not to let those ideas hold much weight in the relevance of my life, and it was immediately better. Transcend.




This makes sense in the context of your paragraph...but I meant it in a completely different way.

I'm sure you've heard of a thing called Transmission Meditation - it's where a group of meditators get together for a common goal. The goal is to send healing/positive frequencies/vibrations to a specific or general place or people.

Years ago I would have called someone crazy for taking any stock in something like that...

Here's a pic of 100,000 monks meditating for 'world peace'.




How do we know this doesn't work? There might have been several moments in human history where we were headed for disaster...and the work like above may have subtly guided a series of events so that we live on...?

So, if you take that number from 100,000 to 100,000,000 - what could happen? Surely, everyone in that picture believes it will make a difference.

Personally, I don't think there are any avenues of redemption for our society if we look at them traditionally. Using the same processes that built greed and corruption to end greed and corruption seems circular.



That is admirable