I honestly never thought I would be where I am today...and I am extremely thankful I am. For the past 5 years I had been deeply depressed, and it wasn't because of just how things were in my life but I thought about everyone. And by everyone I mean EVERYONE. You always hear that over-thinking leads to negative thoughts and it is absolutely true. I was sad for the children around the world that were starving, that were being abused and raped, for the women that were being forced into sexual trafficking, for the way society thinks about absolutely everything, and how views regarding how to live your life are forced onto people. I thought about every single thing wrong with this 3-dimensional world and I hated it. I wanted to disappear soooo bad, I saw this world as a very cruel place, and I kept thinking to myself how I just wanted to end my life. I used to think that if I just ended it, I would be in an eternal sleep, I didn't believe in the after life, I just thought it would be the end. So much over-thinking led to the loss of some of my hair along the way, and when I told my mother about it, I hugged her and I began to cry, because I just didn't know what to do. One day I just sat down and realized I needed to do something, that I needed to be happy, that there had to be something more out there, that this couldn't be it. I told myself that if I couldn't find something that would change my mind entirely that I just couldn't be here.
I have always loved reading, it is one of my favorite things to do. Reading was my way of escaping the reality that I was living in. So I decided to hit the books to deal with my depression, I started reading about meditation,esoteric studies, world religions. I leaned more towards Hinduism and Buddhism, I felt meditating would help me and make me feel a lot better. And it did, I felt more at peace and started looking into Chakra Meditation. I later on read about the steps to Nirvana, and I became deeply curious about enlightenment. I wanted to know why we were here, what was it all for, why I felt so lost??? And I knew if only I could get there, I would be able to have my questions answered. It was already in my mind that this would take time, and I was completely fine with that.
I continued reading more into other topics, astral projection, out of body experiences, and came across the topic of DMT on Tumblr. I began researching, looking into everything dealing with peoples experiences, and I was in complete awe. I considered looking for DMT for a long time, but hesitated, I viewed it as cheating, so I just kept putting it off. After meditating for a few years, I once again started looking into it and decided to find the roots to perform the extraction process myself, but at the time I had finally decided to do this, this guy, whom I now call my Soul Brother, told me that he could get it to me, at first I couldn't believe it, I said "Really?". I thought I was about to go on this crazy journey to find it, but it somehow found me. Those thoughts I had about cheating to reach enlightenment came back, and I am pretty sure it was him that told me something like this "Enlightenment doesn't care how you get there, as long as you get there". I am so thankful to him for putting me in front of it, and for being there when I needed him. I have experienced some very pleasant trips, that have showed me the world as it is, different planes of existence, our reality is not all there is, and I feel happy. I feel happy knowing that this is just a step to so much more. We are so much more than this body, and I am so grateful.
I am not much of a smoker, so I really sucked at inhaling the smoke properly, so my first trips were very close to here. After a while I was growing very frustrated because I was still too close to this plane of existence, I kept seeing the same things, I wanted to go all the way and have my questions answered. This last trip I had, however, gave me such a great peace of mind.
I went on a camping trip with friends this past weekend with the purpose of having a DMT experience out in nature, and I finally went to where I wanted to, the plane of existence I am from… It was the strangest yet most joyous feeling I had ever had. I took this huge hit and I felt myself pulled into this other dimension, and I started freaking out a bit because I didn't know where I was being taken to, we were sitting with our legs crossed, me and two other friends, so when this was happening I yelled to my soul brother ”Hold my hand, I don’t know where I am” and he told me that this is what I wanted to see, to not be scared, to look around and pay attention and listen.. so i did, and when I looked up at my friends they looked like acrylic paintings, and they were glowing, floral patterns all over their faces, and everything was moving around really fast, everything was full of energy, and everything was shaped very strangely, it was unlike anything I had ever seen, and I kept asking out loud, “Why is this?” it seemed to echo back to me every time I said it. And after looking around and observing everything, I began to cry tears of joy, and I looked at my friends and I said “I've been here before, this is home, this is where I belong.”
When I came back, my friend that held my hand took a hit and began staring at me, and when he came back, he said ” I have bad and good news for you. I saw your world, where you are from, and I know what happened, and how you feel. you feel disconnected in this 3-dimensional world, and you make the best of it everyday, but you don’t belong here. Imagine you are a native american girl and you are part of a tribe, and then one day you wake up and you find yourself in a completely different tribe, one that isn't yours, you feel lost, but at the same time you don’t know why, because you forgot your home, and where your home is. But don’t worry, you might be lost now, but you will be back home someday.” I actually feel a lot better, I don’t feel like traveling anywhere right now, I don’t have any questions that need to be answered. My Soul Brother had a talk with me regarding the use of DMT, how it should always be respected, and if you go in, you must have questions that you need answered. He told me that now since I have seen home that I must wait to get there, and not keep using DMT to go back to it, because if I do that I will be in this 3-dimensional world longer or be stuck here.
I have yet to meet my higher self or our creator, but I am fine with that, I know I will someday. I would love to say so much more to you guys, but I feel like I've said a lot in this introduction post. So hopefully I can start posting much more soon. I love you all, thank you for taking your time to read this
