Hey Nexians,
My name is ******, but you can call me dmtea. Or just tea. I wanted to keep this brief but I tend to ramble so kudos to those of you that make it to the bottom of my post.
Although this is my first time posting on these forums I've always felt a sense of welcome when I click my bookmark to the Nexus. I've been lurking around for a good 5 years or so between here, shroomery and erowid. However I always find myself returning to the nexus because of the attitude and respect that's kept within this community. So I'd like to say thank you for keeping a place like this running for other curious and weary travelers to hopefully find a path to.
I was turned onto the subject of psychedelics by an older sibling because at the time we were both renouncing our ties to our previous religious beliefs and would spend hours discussing lucid dreaming and eastern philosophies. At the time I had only experienced a handful of adventures with ecstasy and was in the beginning stage of consuming cannabis on a daily basis. Those experiences alone were enough to convince me that there was more to this reality than I had been previously told. I listened to hours of McKenna's talks, read some of the old psychedelic literature and went through hundreds of dmt/psilocybin/ayahuasca trip reports.
DMT. What is this substance? The afterlife, temporal fluctuations, multiple dimensions, entities, it seemed to encompass all these mysteries I had always pondered about as a child. I had always felt a sense of doubt with what society and my parents offered me as truths, it seemed best not to question which lead me to quite a bit of alienation. I became somewhat of a hermit and closed myself out to many friends and people that I felt wouldn't understand the thousands of questions and theories that'd run on my mind from day to day. How could everyone go about their lives, going to work and school when just a few tokes, gulps, or bites away another dimension bursting at the seams with mystery was ever present. On and off this went until my 24th year of life on this planet my father passed due to his 60 year addiction and blackened lungs that came from one of our societies favorite legal drugs.
I used to have an art career, thinking because I loved to draw and paint that that was the only thing I'd be good at. After my father passed I couldn't function for many weeks, my creativity dwindled and I began to feel a scary sense of doubt with my ability to continue onward as a professional artist. Months passed as I watched my father's garden lose it's health and vitality, which only further pushed me into my depression. Then it struck me. Dozens of memories flushed into my mind from my childhood, following my father around our front yard, asking what each plant was and him showing and sharing fruit with me. It was one of the only things we had in common, our deep love for plants and nature. Just like that a new path opened. I was filled with a sense of hope and determination. I had already wanted for several years to grow my own cannabis but never took the plunge. But now was the time, I would pursue a career in botany with a central focus on the sacred psychedelic plants. I know this won't be the easiest path but my will and sense of purpose reverberates so strongly within me now that I know it's not just what I need to do, but with a great sense of joy, what I actually want to do.
So after much contemplation I decided it was finally time to become an active member of the psychedelic community and I couldn't think of a better place to start than here. I humbly come to you all with a few ideas, my now freed artistic abilities and an endless curiosity to understand this molecule. I am but a seedling. Thankfully, I know this place has lots of love and light, so hopefully I can grow into something useful here and eventually for the rest of the world.
thanks for reading,
tea