Hello new members and old members of this wonderful Forum.
First I'd like to say that I love you all, and that I am very appreciative of this place!, I have been reading for quite some time now... a lot of the questions I've had throughout my experiences have been answered here! and not only did it motivate me to keep going but it helped me understand what I was shown a lot better!.
I'd like to apologize in advance for grammatical errors, and for my badly structured sentences... I will explain why it is tough for me in my little biography
Okay so a little background on the 3dimensional experience/person that I am:
I am 27 years old, and from age 12 up until 25 I lived with a giant mental block!!, I was EXTREMELY egotistical, and selfish, I didn't appreciate the physical and spread a lot of negativity....
At age 12, I started hanging out with the wrong crowds given the fact that I lived in a rough area of the city, and well that lead to me joining a gang!. I was indoctrined in the ways of the gang, and well to make a long story short, I had ZERO friendships that weren't related to the gang.
I went from a newbie member, to a "respected" member, to a treasurer, to an enforcer, to a 2nd in command, and to a leader in a period of 9 years and at such a young age.... I traveled from city to city to meet with other chapters of our gang, and well to end it here.. I was or THOUGHT I was very "powerful" .. in reality I was just extremely egotistical and irresponsible.
But part of me, inside of me there was always that feeling, that need, for laughter, for love, for extreme happiness and compassion!! I was just brainwashed at the time...
Eventually some things happened that showed me how I was in a negative state of mind, a lot of "friends" starting turning on each other and suddenly I found myself looking in the mirror not knowing who the heck I was.. and the inner child in me cried... cried for a very long time... even though on the outside, not a single tear came out.
I joined a social network, and I started talking to people in my city, not about the gang or anything, but just about anything that would come to mind! I would say jokes, and make people laugh, I would sort of live the life I wanted to live in real life, but ONLINE.
About a year passed by, and my social network page suddenly had a lot of followers, and people seemed to like the things I said, so a local Radio Station invited me to audition for a co-host position on a radio show that talked about some of the things I posted on my statuses, and others... amongst them what is now the most wonderful-life changing molecule of all
.. but I don't want to skip ahead, I want you guys to know me... so let me continue
So I decided to go to this radio station and audition, even though it was STRICTLY prohibited to be part of any form of media in my gang! it went against the very manifesto and code of conduct, and at the time I had a 2nd in command position!, so it was a HUGE risk to go to this... but I went!
I remember telling my girl at the time all about it, and well i took off!.. and what happened next is something I will remember for the rest of my life... I remember walking in this BIGG room filled with posters and statues, with paintings on the wall, and beautiful rugs, there were images of Buddha, and Ganesha, there were this circles that formed beautiful patterns (flower of life) all over the right wall!.. and suddenly I felt an INCREDIBLE, ASTONISHING amount of peace take over me... I could smell sage burning and they had this soothing background music playing and I just remembered I smiled, and I introduced myself to the producers and other radio show hosts, and I sat there just soaking it all in...
I auditioned and I got the part, the other hosts thought I was funny, and did well on the mic, so they told me to come back next week!... and to give you guys a little background on how wonderful this station is... this is a non-profit radio station that gives exposure to local artists and community leaders/activists, it provides a space for our peers to speak and promote local things... some shows were about Free thinking!, some were about local rock music, some about local hip hop music, some were about spirit healing, some about social awareness... in short, this place is AWESOME!...
Months pass by, and I start learning about a connection, an awareness of things, of my surroundings and other dimensions... which at the time sounded like gibberish to me, but still I listened, because it made sense!... we had hip-hop artists on our show and the main host would bring up DMT in the conversations and sort of shock the artists with the things he would say!. The shows main host is an ex-marine that worked on jet engines came back to the States after Afghanistan and Iraq, worked in NASA for a while then turned club promoter and later found DMT and now he's a shaman, after years and years of experience!... so needless to say this dude is very knowledgeable and sharp.
Well some more months passed by and I developed a curiousity for this Spirit Molecule everyone in the station talked about, specially because I saw how well they treated each other, and how nice they were to me and others!!.. they were a very special group of people!.. my curiousity reached a place where ALL I would do daily was study, and read and watch documentaries, listen to Audio books, I completely lost myself in the world of knowledge and I would go to sleep at 6am after staying up the night reading... studying things like Water, and Energy, etc...
Some more months went by, and I decided to leave the gang, I realized that I had been brainwashed and I was living in a way that I no longer wanted to... I was hurting people, my mother's heart and myself.. So I left!! I walked away and never looked back!... needless to say the threats started coming in, the green light on my head, the phone calls warning me that if I dont come back Im dead! etc etc.... but yet, I had NO fear, the way I saw it was, I'd rather die trying to live how i WANT to, than live being dead inside.
So I left and kept studying, after a while the threats stopped, specially since I was nowhere to be found and the radio station was very secretive about its location.. so I went by undetected.... and eventually forgotten...
By this time a year and a half had passed, and now I find myself courageous enough to try this Spirit Molecule everyone kept talking about! and the reason why I had started studying and feeding my mind new info to process....
So I went to my friends house, (show's main host) and he gave me a quick briefing of what was gonna happen, he said It was gonna feel like a roller coaster at first but not to fight it, to just go with it and ask to be protected, He said I would see things that I wouldn't have thought existed (and he was right) so to NOT freak out, and try to pay attention and understand what I was seeing...
So he had a gvg pipe, and loaded it with maybe 0.2 of dmt... heated it with a torch lighter, around the bowl and asked me if I was ready (which I wasn't lol, I was extremely scared) but I said yes, and inhaled and held it in for as long as I could...
I remember looking at his chest and it started sinking in and my hands started moving away from me, everything was becoming smaller and smaller, and when I decided to exhale, BOOOOOMMMMMM I was launched into this place, were EVERYTHING was connected!, time and space GONE!, sound GONE!, worries GONE!, fear GONE!, I was in a place where nothing mattered except that place!!.. I was with ME .. I was welcoming myself back to me!, it felt like I was seeing an old family member I hadn't seen for decades!!... my friend said I was smiling the entire time, but I dont remember that.
I just remember feeling peaceful and in love!, I remember looking around the room, and seeing the flower of life pattern in EVERYTHING! and all was correct!, even a small candy wrapper that was on the floor matched and was geommetrically correct with the entire pattern, the pattern was around me, through me and at one point the pattern was ME, and my friend, and we were connected via this pattern, there was no space, there was NO separation.. and the message I got from this was... There is nothing wrong!, everything that is here is here, and it's meant to be here, this is the pattern, we are the pattern, we are the same thing! we are! we just ARE!!... and I remember crying intensely!! I cried of relief, I cried because all that i knew, all that worried me, all that I thought was making my life miserable, was NON existant!.. I was just confused and everything was okay!!... I cried of happiness... although my friend says I didnt cry, inside I was crying...
I also cried for humanity, for my old friends, for my family... no one will ever see this, or WANT to see this, no one will believe me!... and as soon as I thought that.. a female figure walked into the room!.... my friend walked to the radio to switch tones, (from liberation of fear over to 936hz Pineal Gland activator) and when he was coming back to sit on the couch, the female figure started to leave.. so I told my friend to go back, that a woman wanted to talk to me in private... so he left!
Then she comes back, and she was EXTREMELY beautiful... she had tons of jewels, and her eyes were soo pretty, she had one big eye, and two small ones, and many arms... she was completely golden, and she got my attention by hovering a small pattern-like object over her hands... and she was telling me, do you see this?? do you understand it???... look at it!! and the object kept morphing into more complex versions of itself!! it was incredible, unlike ANYTHING I had ever seen..... then she said (not said with words but thoughts) she said, okay do you see it? this is HUMILITY, and at that moment I FELT every single ounce of ego, of idea of superiority, everything I thought made me better or MADE ME period!!! just SHATTER right off of me...
Up until that point I knew basically NOTHING, and as she showed me what humility was, I felt my confusion and ego just break off of me.... and when i gave into that feeling of humility... BOOOOOM the entire room turned gold!!! and she dissapeared!, this pattern of humility was everywhere now, and then it started morphing.. but morphing down not UP, it started becoming less complex, and less complex, and more simplistic, and then I could see a chair, and the stairs, and picture frames, and the rugs, and then slowly.. I came back to the room that I was in.... I started seeing everything "normal" again, and I was just left with this incredible feeling of humility and curiousity of a child!..
I was extremely grateful and appreciative of her, and who she was and what she taught me, she felt like my mother! her energy was similar to my mother's ... and I didn't tell my friend ANY of this!... he asked me once!, what did I see?, and I said I didn't want to share until I understood it better because it felt like I was gonna get confused in translation... he didn't insist, he just nodded his head and said... this is it man, this is what we are, and this is what I've been wanting to show you guys....
I smiled real big, hugged him... and we hung out for a while before I went home..
and THAT my dear friends, is the short story of my past and first experience
I hope I didn't bore you to death, and I just realized that this was extremely long, but I guess I didn't want to leave certain parts out, because I want you guys to know how I got here... and why I am so appreciative of all this.
Regardless of the fact that I don't know you guys, I love each and every single one of you!.. and I have seen US, I know that you guys are me =) and I love us like you have NOO idea.
I will share my 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc.. experiences at a later time!
I am still studying, I am still learning and I will continue to be my own student/teacher
Thank you for reading.... I love you