Hello everyone!
Many things have brought me to this and many things have influenced me wanting to be a part of it.
I had my first contact with DMT about six months ago, after having it available for a little over a year. Even though those in my surroundings partook on many occasions and even though I have experienced most major other psychedelic experiences, as curious as I was, I knew the right time would come one day. I knew there was no true way of preparing but I felt that one day I would know when the time was right. That day did come, however not in the way I expected. I awoke one day and went about my daily routine of going to class when somewhere the thought came in "today is the day" I went over to a great friends and asked if he would trip sit me which of course he was thrilled to do as he was excited for me to have this experience. I went to the beach on the local river right around sunset, smoked some harmala and proceeded to take my first hit to test the waters, as I was incredibly nervous because I knew that what would come would be one of the most intense mental experiences of my life.
Quickly after enjoying the first effects I nodded to my sitter for the second hit and laid back, a moment of panic struck my as I started going through the psychedelic come up faster than I had ever before, I had fleeting moments of panic, first about some social issues in my life that bothered me, then about my own mental state I was about to go into, but with every passing moment I rose higher and higher into the DMT space and quickly landed in a place where those problems were so far away from my current mental state that I worried no more and enjoyed the experience. In the coming hours I took some more hits, but felt slightly unsatisfied with a feeling of "is that it?" After waiting a full hour and smoking more harmala I decided to give it one last good go before calling it a day, I asked my sitter to load it up big and proceeded to smoke. After this I quickly raced into a space where I saw a beautiful spirit embracing my body and telling me "it will all be ok" before quickly becoming a layer above my skin before I finally absorbed that spirit into my own being.
Quickly moving further through the experience I felt a mental tightening and felt this same entity start squeezing my chest, first it felt comfortable but then I felt it squeezing my heart harder and harder and I thought it was trying to kill me, the next moments were exactly the same steps I went through in my only dream where I died and didn't wake up immediately and dreamed of what came after. First panic, then fighting back before finally came acceptance of, if this is when I die then so be it. Right at this moment I heard and saw tiny fur-ball like creatures zig-zagging along the beach I was lying on coming straight at my left ear, I quickly opened my eyes and looked but saw nothing. Once I closed my eyes again, they came back and I opened my eyes back up and looked again, still nothing.
Realizing that his was holding me back and stopping me from completely letting go into the experience I forced myself to keep my eyes shut and once I did, they vanished. At the point I lost the only connection I had left to the physical world and had completely let myself into the experience and once I did I became a dimensionless being with no longer thought processes as much as one continuous thought that seemed to stream through me. After a timeless moment of being in that space my trip sitter suggesting saying something and playing with my voice, i quickly opened my eyes and sat up and looked at the world around me and exclaimed "I forgot about this whole beautiful world right in front of me!" I dazed around in the afterglow chatting with my sitter being finally satisfied with my experience and realizing that I had only just scratched the world of DMT.
After this beautiful experience I experience another side of this molecule. This experience was without MAOIs and consisted of an inside trip with a friend on his bed. After a few truly wonderful sessions that night, we decided to go for one last big one. He had rolled a joint and after taking two hits said "dude I think I overdid it" I decided to take several more hits and proceeded to land in a space in which I saw an entity which I was convinced would lead to my death if I went to it. This frightened my very much and I could see its tentacle like extensions reaching out towards me and I went towards it until turning around at the last second because I did not want to die. I seemed to be frantically running through the dimensions searching for something in me which I seemed to be unable to let go, but never found it.
For the first time in my drug experiences I became convinced I would never come back from the experience and that I had messed my mind up for good, I tried to remedy the situation by thinking that I took a drug which would wear out within just a few minutes, but there was no time in the space I was in so that provided no comfort, after finally coming down I was upset at myself for not having gone towards the spirit as I now knew the body in the physical world would not have died, but I also had to ask myself why I did go towards it at first knowing that I would die if I did.
This last experience was incredibly difficult on me and provided some trauma in the form of me seriously questioning my sanity and the reality around us. It was at this point that I understood what makes this website such a wonderful place and tool. I felt unable to communicate abut the experience with anyone who had not experience DMT in the intensity which I did which was especially difficult because I had a falling out with a good friend who was a very experienced DMT explorer and really wanted to be heard by them. However I realized that places like this were created to unify these minds which have undergone the intensity which is the DMT hyperspace and that this was not a one person battle I had to fight on my own, but rather a collective effort to help each other understand the ineffable. I thought back to a passage in The Spirit Molecule where Strassman tells about the creation of support groups among his volunteers.
I am very excited to be able to be a part of this wonderful community and have already benefited from many things on it, and am now eager to be able to contribute to it as well.
Thank you for reading!