Hello fellow Nexians! I have been a long time lurker! After having requested some assistance for my first extraction yesterday, I thought it would be appropriate to introduce mysELF ;-)
Although first, I would like to commend the creators of this site and all of its magnificent contributors. Truly a rare forum unlike so many others. I really appreciate the lack of hostility and the level of maturity found throughout. It can, so often, become such a burden on other forums. The intent of this site is truly noble, as are all the wonderful offerings of its patrons. This site has been of such great value as a resource, and for all of this, I am truly thankful. Thank you all!
And here I find myself. After a long and varied journey. I am not sure how unique my situation is, but I suspect I would find myself on the outskirts of commonality. No doubt there are many far more experienced with psychedelics than myself, it is just rare that I have any meaningful engagement with any of them. Another blessing of the nexus! There is no pragmatic way for me to ascertain the extent of my indulgence. And unfortunately, most of it was truly indulgent. Although I haven’t taken a psychedelic in about 5 years, and only a handful of times in the last 10, my twenties were awash in experience. There was a two to three year period in which I altered my psyche in one way or another, everyday. I regret to say much of it was irresponsible and wreckloose. But I learned a lot.
It would take a book for me to even come close to portraying exactly what my twenties were like and even that couldn’t do it justice. But I do want to attempt to illustrate my level of experience. Only that which pertains to psychedelics however. I can’t reliably say with quantifiable numbers or amounts, but I can give you an idea. I have taken blotter hundreds of times, probably somewhere between 200 and 300, plus or minus. Mostly one or two tabs at a time but have done ten strips many times and upwards of 30 at once. Who knows how much of this was actually LSD, with so many compounds available. I’ve probably taken dozens of different analogues. I know I’ve had orange sunshine and undoubtedly some other quality products. I’ve taken mushrooms many dozens of times and have taken as much as half an ounce in a sitting. This is just to define my familiarity with the classics. I have explored many other substances but just want to provide my background with experiences most relevant to this site and my current path. It should also be noted that despite concerted efforts, I never came across DMT (in 20 years of being open to it). I knew of it and sought it out, but I guess it wasn’t my time. It became somewhat of a holy grail to me.
It’s quite funny to think that I went as far as I did on my journeys. It wasn’t easy for me at first. I fought it. I resisted. I had a horrible experience right from the get go. In fact the worse to date. But for some crazy reason, I persisted. To say I was fascinated, would be a disservice to the word understatement. I was forever impacted by my experiences and very much changed for the better. It took me a very long time but I finally learned to let go. After many years I became familiar and comfortable with the experience.
It is truly unfortunate that I didn’t spend more time mindfully exploring my consciousness. Especially haven dosed so many times. The fact of the matter is that, most often, I was taking psychedelics for entertainment. Although there was always a healthy amount of introspection on the come down, I never really fully allowed myself to be present within my mind during the peaks. I think due to an initial bad experience, I was afraid to close my eyes and just let myself go wherever it may lead. Although many times I was thrust into what I believe was the described here as hyperspace. When I was twenty I got my lip pierced while candyflipping(X and acid). This was the only time that I can recall where I experienced the brilliantly colored kaleidoscopic visions. It only last briefly but was absolutely amazing. I’ve never forgotten it. And several times, I have definitely found myself in other worlds but always came out a bit confused and not really being able to remember at all what happened. More often than not, my experiences were eyes wide open and watching the reality as we know it morph and melt. However, I have almost always felt oneness and have received only what I can describe as a “knowing” or certain truths.
These last effects are what have become most important to me. Before having experienced any drug of any kind, I was at best agnostic. I certainly wasn’t religious and I didn’t know anything about religion. After having felt this oneness and coming to understand certain truths, I began to explore religion. I was astonished to discover that the many teachings seemed to parallel my experiences. I struggled for years to find words to explain my experiences with great frustration. But, I have come to realize that most religions are simply an attempt at the same. While all inevitably fall short. I am now comfortable with an understanding that there are no words. And now see beauty in many religions and their elegant attempts to describe that which cannot be spoken.
In my late twenties, I began to mellow out. My drug use became occasional and my use of psychedelics became more intentional. I would purposefully use mushrooms once a year to “reconnect”. But after a while, I found that I just wasn’t getting any more out of it. I found that meditation and mindfulness were now more appropriate for me. Which is why in the last 10 years and even more recently, I have rarely used any psychedelics at all. Though lately, I’ve had a strong urge to reconnect.
So about a year ago, for some unknown reason, I began having a calling again. And with the vast evolution of the internet, I started doing research again. And oh what a world has unfolded! So much informantion is now available. And even once thwarted academic research has again become welcome reality. Not only that but my highly sought after DMT had now become a viable possibility. I began acquiring entheogenic plants and research, research, research. But I decided I just couldn’t wait for my plants to grow out. So I acquired some mhrb and began my first extraction last night. This morning, I had crystals!
For whatever reason, the time wasn’t right for me until now. Considering the associations I had earlier in my life, DMT should have been accessible. I should have come across it at least once. And I desperately wanted to. But it evaded me. That search is finally over. I don’t know where this will all lead. Will it invoke a revolution within me and reignite further exploration. I definitely want to do ayahuasca as well and I think I may want to experience iboga at some point. I think salvia scares me a bit but I am certainly intrigued by it as well. I am excited and I am terrified. After having not really been in such a dramatically different space for so long, I am cautious. Especially with how fast the come up is. I’ve considered doing some shrooms just to re-experience that space before blasting off with DMT. I even think I might should take some shrooms and just lie in my bed with some music and eyes closed for the whole experience, like I have never done before. What do you guys think? Eiter way, I won’t be going for a breakthrough right away, but regardless how fast you come up is still a bit intimidating to me. Probably more because it feels like such a long time since I’ve been anywhere quite like it. If not a taste of shrooms first, I will probably start with 5-10 mg and slowly work my way up.. Shulginesque.
Eternally grateful and respectful. Thank you all so very much! I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for all of you! And I’ll let you know how it goes!!!