Hey, im swaed and im new to this site. For years ive used psychadelics but very mildly. Mostly acid and lsd. Ive had a few bad trips on acid, mostly stuff including thinking i had bugs crawling out of my skin but nothing mentally scarring. But most of my experience is with mary jane.

Ill be honest at this point, im here looking for help with a problem ive had recently. This all started last march when i smoked some weed that i feel was laced with bathsalts. I experienced things unlike ever before on marijuana. Before, smoking high grade, i was relaxed and just enjoyed myself while in this state. Never had a psychadelic exp with weed before, even being a daily user for 6 years. i quit smoking for about 3 years because of my profession, but occasionally smoked with friends. the last 2 times ive smoked my experience has been completely different and includes alot of very frightening realizations that i need some help to understand and hopefully to forget.

First ill explain my first experience from the last year. It started as a drinking night while i was vacationing with a good friend in cali. It was my first time in cali, far from home considering i live is south carolina. One thing led to another and someone brought out some weed. i dont remember much of what i actually did that night. What i do remember is watching my memories for eternity. I watched them in fast forward, slow motion, and every speed that could ever be possible. All this time i felt every sense that could ever be sensed at all times. The best way to explain this feeling is to say every feeling was a master feeling, like all sound was one master sound. The whole time i watched this dread crept over me more and more and more and it felt like hell and all i felt was every bad feeling and constant despair. It was terrifying. This night made me think and be afraid that my life was just my hell.

Over the next 10 months i was drug free. From march till january of this year. Daily i remembered the experience but it became less and less real. I was getting over it and life felt real again. Here recently though i smoked again. And almost thr same experience happened. I thought at first that maybe this weed was also laced with bathsalts but now i think that maybe cuz its been so long since i smoked regular that my experience while on weed has changed, from enlightment or whatever it may be. But my recent trip was even deeper and ill try to explain it aswell. btw sorry for some of the jumps all over the place, thinking about my recent experiences makes me nervous and anxious.

The last time i smoked, last week, was even deeper. I was fine in my high till i thought about my previous bad trip. Then i felt myself falling in again and focused on keeping my thoughts on new things so that the same thing wouldnt set me into a loop of a few same motions and memories. I stayed pretty well out of the same loop. But this time i found myself cycling through heaven and hell. And it wasnt as frightening but still pretty nerveracking. The biggest difference this time wad that while seeing memories i noticed different outcomes from different actions that i could take in life. Heaven was all good emotion and all good actions. Hell was all bad emotion and bad action. Heaven and hell were both seeing my memories in reverse and forward. Future and past felt like heaven and hell at different times in the night. These past experiences have made me start thinking that eternity is a mix of heaven and hell. And the deeper thought is thst if the universe is infinite then i am and will be everything and will experience everything that is.

I need some help from you all to fully comprehend this exp and to also learn to move past it. Im at this point afraid to ever touch psychadelics and even weed ever again. Your thoughts would be greatly.appreciated.