I loaded the GVG with 30mg. Like
last time, I took a few hits and despite it being 'pleasant' and 'visual' I didn't break through. I again thought 'oh well, might as well just see what's left' took a third hit, held it in for about 30 seconds and things went batshit crazy.
This time I had a stopwatch on my phone running, so I could see time passing and see whether there was any distortion. That turned out to be useful, but not in the way I was imagining.
Anyway as I again thought 'oh shit', my sense of self remained intact and what I normally see as 'hyperspace' did not intrude on 'normal reality' but 'normal reality' became highly distorted indeed. Alien.
Then my heart did something it's never ever done before. It accelerated almost instantly into an extremely strong and fast beat for about a minute. I intuitively and deeply knew that a heart couldn't take this much punishment for long without causing a death-inducing malfunction.
Despite being in physical difficulty at the time I timed how many beats were in a second (using the running stopwatch on my desk) and it was 'around' (and at least) 4 beats per second. That's 240+ BPM. The max for my age (40) is around 180-190, by common calculation. During this time I couldn't hear a damn thing apart from my blood rushing around in my ears, along with the deafening machine-gun heartbeat.
I've never had such a heart rate in my life, despite in the distant past being the victim of horrendous panic attacks, an episode of atrial fibrillation, and heavy deadlifting/squats in the gym to the point of near-fainting. In essence, despite having undergone some extreme heart states in the past, this was an entirely new (and unwelcome) level of physical heart stress for me.
Despite what was going on, I wasn't in a state of panic. This was only because it was implicitly recognized that where I was physically was already way beyond anywhere that panic applied. My heart was either going to give out, or I was going to make it. And that was it. Me and 'my panic' were totally irrelevant to proceedings.
I breathed deeply and slowly and went into a meditative state and 'accepted' that I would either die or I wouldn't (this type of 'acceptance' is not 'active' but passive - again, whether 'I accepted' death or not was irrelevant to proceedings, it would happen or it wouldn't).
Eventually this spell ended and my heart rate then dived off a cliff back down to what felt like normal, although I didn't measure it. The decrease in rate was tremendously fast. I was shaken but relieved I'd survived.
I was then able to start taking a proper interest in the very foreign looking space I was now inhabiting. Before I started the session I had made a note to explore the space more than I normally do if I was able to, by swiveling my chair around.
What I saw was again extremely foreign, and my heart rate instantly ramped to around 240 BPM again, with the same symptoms as before. I returned to my original sitting position and again went into a meditative state. No panic, just pure mental calm and the knowledge that I would either die or I wouldn't, and there was nothing to do but 'take it'.
By the time this second attack wore off, my vision was slightly less grotesque-ified than it was, so I felt that the worst may be over. It was then I think my mind started to regain enough footing to appreciate the magnitude of what had just happened, and I experienced a panic. The panic was accompanied by 'exit sickness' and both together caused dry heaving, since I managed to suppress actual vomiting.
I raised my hands to gauge how I'd been affected, and I had massive, cartoonish-magnitude tremors. I unfolded my legs and they started to spasm involuntarily very badly, having the effect of looking like convulsions. This shaking, shivering and spasming of my arms and legs continued for about 10 minutes. During this time I also became cold to my core.
My wife - who I had called in after getting over the initial exit panic/heaving - gave me a hot water bottle and a cup of hot water. I then had to alternate between bed and moving around in order to make my heart feel 'normal', since it was feeling decidedly strange. Sometimes moving helped it regain normalcy, sometimes being motionless seemed to help.
After 8 hours sleep (during which I had several dreams involving deaths of various sorts, for myself and other characters), my next day was sort of normal, except for several periods of heart discomfort, which I put out of my mind as best I could (which is pretty well, I don't let me mind dominate me) and got on with my duties. During that day I felt immensely grateful to be alive (despite not knowing what happens at death - for all I know it could be wonderful). My sense of mortality during this time was extremely high.
Today (two days later) I finally feel fully recovered.
This was an extremely intense and difficult experience. I should like to avoid that sort of thing in the future. It is only today that I can even start to consider taking DMT again, the past two days I've been like 'well, that might be the end of that'. I'm a very interested explorer of 'other realms' but equally I'm not sure I want to kill myself doing it.
Some thoughts/intuitions on the matter:
1) One Big Hit might be less stress than 3 staggered hits taken over 4 minutes or so?
2) Go down to a low dose (e.g. 10mg or less) and climb up very slowly over time?
3) Go to the doctor and get my heart and cholesterol (etc) checked out?
4) Has my DMT got something 'nasty' in it that could cause this? I noticed a bit of 'yellow goo' in there this time, that I'd scraped off the bottom of the pyrex.
5) I might invest in a talisman. I'm not ordinarily superstitious, but I'll take all the help I can get after this.
6) Is this heart behavior the result of some deep (unconscious) shock from seeing ordinary reality so distorted? One thing that could lend weight to that is because it happened first as I was catapulted into the distortion, and the second time as I looked at a completely different area of the room, which was again shockingly distorted but in a 'new and fresh' way.
7) Will lying down decrease stress on my heart?
8 ) Maybe I should consider never opening my eyes?
One final thing, I asked a question before I lifted off and it was 'entities, can you give me a sign as to whether you can see this dimension that I am in at all times'. During this experience I got a very strong 'YES' telepathic feeling. Because of the madness that was happening at the time I didn't know what this 'YES' was about until I came back down and connected it with the question.
If you made it this far I'm very grateful. Please express an opinion, I'd be very interested in anything anyone has to say.
Best wishes...
All posts are made on behalf of, or referring-to, a paranoid internet buddy who does not wish to post on this forum directly. He or she reads the forum and tells me what to respond. I sometimes paste his or her communications in verbatim to save time (and therefore these posts naturally use 'I', 'me' and so on). Other times I write as myself and refer to my buddy's exploits explicitly ('my friend', and so on). I do not know my buddy's real name or location, we met on another forum. I am basically a member of this site as a human proxy for an anonymous other.