Hello everybody!

Very excited to finally find a well put together forum such as this one. I hope to be a valuable resource and contributor to this community. My primary goal here is to learn as much as i can from you all, so it may contribute to my own journey and understanding of this amazing gift. We all have a chance here and we all have something very amazing to offer.

Currently i am 27 years old and have been exploring my consciousness since i was about 20 years of age. "What a long strange trip it has been." Since i started out with practically no knowledge of how to handle such experiences, you can say i have had very challenging integration issues. Actually brought myself to the brink of mental collapse and was diagnosed with HPPD(Hallucinogenic Persisting Perception Disorder) otherwise called a perma-trip. Took me years to recover and this was without the aid of pharmaceuticals i mind you. Deciding to dive back into this with a better grip on self control is what ended up curing me of this chaotic state of distress. (Short Story Version)

So now that i have the bad out of the way i guess we can dive into the good. I met a professor who really set me on the right track. He has his masters in philosophy and religious studies, and on the underground has used clinical strength LSD for 20 years of his life. Never met a more humbled, intelligent man in my entire life. However, after many meetings with him, i pretty much got the go ahead to safely continue my journey. After all, 20 years of high dose experiences made me feel at ease that i could do this right.

Most of my experiences in my early days was limited to mushrooms, LSD and the occasional MDMA session. Grew up in the country and was blessed with a natural environment to truly explore with a set of close friends. As i started to mature, it seemed that i was finding myself very alone within my circle of friends. Basically because i knew this to be something very sacred and important, and not something to party with in an out of control fashion.

A little over 4 years ago DMT found its way to me for the first time. Having read up on this numerous times i was very excited to say the least. First few tries i didn't use the right dose or set myself up with the correct environment. All i got out of it was pseudo effects. Then my last try i actually started ti get somewhere. I saw geometrical shapes in was seemed like 4000-D vision and everything perfectly flowing together. Blew my mind however i had no clue what i was truly in for.

Two years ago i fell into a reliable and renewable source for the spirit molecule. Just like it was intended to find me it seemed like. This time i spent more time preparing myself before my experience. By this time i had learned various meditation techniques and implemented them into my personal ceremonies. With a controlled breathing pattern, intentions stated, and correct dose i finally completely broke through. I heard Joe Rogan say in an interview to completely let go and surrender and have no fear. So i listened to that nut and it actually proved itself very well.

Surrounded by golden entities, filling me full of pleasure and love was the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. Realigned my thought process, belief structure was shattered, thought i died and was on my way to heaven. Then i realized only 5 minutes has passed and i was still going to remain in the physical existence haha.

Many, many, many more experiences have shaped me since then and i only continue to ask more questions and push myself further into self realization. I'll be excited to learn from everybody here and hope to further my lessons with the multi-verse as we all explore it. So here is a toast to breaking free as a prisoner of consciousness! May we all be released from suffering! May we all stay humbled...

P.S. if i have said anything i shouldnt have for any reason please inform me quickly. I read the guidelines and believe i have followed their instructions. If this is not so i will be quick to correct any mistakes.

You fell into a reliable and renewable source for the spirit molecule? You lucky thing! Looking forward to reading about your dmt experiences. Welcome!

Very interesting story, welcome! HPPD is a new one on me and I spent 5 years of schooling in the psych field (though despite my immense interest in reality, perception and cognition had zero interest at that time in hallucinogenics ). Im going to do some reading on that.

Are you still in contact with your professor, and would you say you still suffer from HPPD? My guess is likely no?

well let me give you a little back round on what exactly happened. Feel my paragraph on it was cut very short.

My HPPD was also linked with De-personalization/De-realization. However every person who suffers from this, usually undergoes the exact same symptoms with different intensity. Most people who have HPPD know more about it then any psychologist/psychiatrist ever will. Being that this causes so much anxiety and no doctor can tell you what is wrong with you, you research this with an obsessive quality. Trying to find hope, trying to find a way out from a seemingly permanent trip. HPPD is actually in the DSM-IV, however little research has been done on the actual disorder. Psychiatrist will give you anti-psychotics and anti-ddepressions however this actually worsens the symptoms. Check out www.HPPDforum.com

(onset)
This all started when i was at a festival and thought it was a good idea to eat about 7 hits of purple needle point blotter, a mushroom chocolate with 2 different species adding up to 2.5 gm's. Also a considerable amount of ganja. Within 30 minutes everything turned into a cartoon, had an out of body experience, couldn't move from my camping chair and then the real shit started. I definitely over dosed to a certain degree and it was way to much for me to handle. I am very good at keeping calm however i somehow blacked out and the afternoon turned into night almost instantly. All my friends made me walk down to the show even despite my efforts to tell my girl i needed to sleep this one off. I felt as if i was stuck in this weird sub-conscious plane of existence. Felt very disconnected from reality and had a very hard time putting words together in my mind to form sentences. Walking down to the show i felt as if i had two options, one die, or two i would be retarded for the rest of my life. I had this overwhelming feeling of sickness and when we made it to the show i about shut down. (my friends werent taking very good care of me) I got this vision of a fetus in my head, just like the Alex Grey version, however didnt know of Alex Grey at the time. I curled up on the beach and felt as if i came to a pinnacle of life and death. The fetus started shooting off colors into the sky and i felt as if my very soul was being ripped apart. At this time when i felt like i was about to let go and die (which i probably should have surrendered) i stood up and screamed at the top of my lungs, "I AM NOT GOING TO DIE!!"
haha so after that point i made my girl go back to the camp site... i had quite a few people looking at me lol.

So anyways the point of telling this story is because i was not ready for such an intense experience. Knowing what i know now, i would only do such a high dose in a very safe environment. Regardless this is what lead me into my own personal hell. The very next morning i seemed to be alright and tried to shake this off as just my first bad trip. (which i also know now there is no such thing as a bad trip bro ) However when i smoked pot that morning i felt very different, it didnt feel good...

Following days after this experience i went to the park to smoke and relax like i normally do and had the worst anxiety attack i have ever had. Some how i lost complete control over my thoughts. Was so horrible i drove straight home and just went to bed. Could not understand why this was happening to me being i was a very chill person. Eventually i smoked a bowl of some pretty crappy weed and it gave me full on geometrical visions without using any psychedelic in weeks. I had such a bad anxiety attack then i stood in the shower for 3 hours trying to calm down, begging my girl to take me to the hospital. Thank god she was a bitch and didnt... cause that would have really screwed me up.

However things continued to get worse and worse, closed eye and open eye visuals every time i would lay down and try to sleep. Static type vision every time i was in the dark, white dots in bright lights floating everywhere. (eye doctor said i was fine). Felt like i dropped out of life and could no longer feel people when i was around them. You see patterns popping out in geometrical designs on carpets, spaces pop in patterns when trying to read a book. Afterglow from street lights, tracers from your hands even during the day. Couldnt concentrate anymore at work and eventually lost my job. I had trouble focusing on anything at all. All of these symptoms and more im sure i am forgetting, are the same as every other HPPD sufferer. However most doctors have no idea how to diagnose you. I know it draws a red flag when you diagnose yourself but i had no choice to believe otherwise when i found the HPPD forum. Made me feel like i wasn't alone anymore.

All of these symptoms lasted over an entire year with no sight of them getting any better. I quit smoking herb, using any type of substance, couldn't even drink more then a beer anymore without getting freaked out. Most people who suffered from this obtained it in various ways, and some not so as intense as my crazy trip. could be from using MDMA one time or acid twice, or mushrooms once... its so random... I went to countless doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists and received absolutely ZERO help. Threw the medications i was prescribed right at my psychiatrists face actually cause it was making me so much worse...

At that point i decided to boycott modern meds and just try to deal with never being the same again. Really started to loose hope until a miracle happened. Most people who suffer from this never find relief and it is very unfortunate... i feel very lucky, however no doctor wants would listen to my approach. A year and a half after this all started i decided to take a couple hits of L at a festival, pretty much figured i couldnt possibly get any worse. I told myself i was going to make it through the experience no matter how crazy it got. Well that little bit of will power sparked a fire in me again, i found hope. Within 6 months and starting to practice these substances safer, i found myself about 80% better.

Literally went from the absolute lowest and damaged form of consciousness to where i am today. And i believe i am better now then before all of this happened. Even when i found DMT and truly broke through for the first time i noticed so much of myself being healed in a way. Now i can smoke pot and handle it better then most people, have zero anxiety, and the only trace that is actually left is a small amount of visual dots in bright light.

Made to hell and back! and i continue my journey without fear!
You can call me a success story in a way. sorry about the book^^ hope this helped you understand what i went through a little better.

Oh yeah and last but not least, i stay in contact with the professor still. However he answers very little for me these days. He encourages me to take my own path to self-discovery. As any good teacher would do

Woah thats a pretty incredible story man. That is book material haha. I feel like if I did acid once something like that would happen to me knowing my luck lol. I suppose thats the 'permafry' you hear some talk about becoming an absolute reality. Makes you wonder exactly what the hell happened in the brain for such an glitch to occur for such a long period of time. Just straight up damage to the firing systems I suppose, flat out just a massive glitch. It really does sound terribly scary but you definitely seem to have a very good and humorous outlook on it all, and at least its better now too.

haha yeah thanks for reading. I am most definitely starting a book here eventually. After all the paranormal shit that continues to happen to me i would be a fool not too. However that was just a chapter among many. My journey has been incredible to say the least. Even the hard times were worth going through in the end. Learned a lot about will power...

And when you really think about everything from an outside perspective. Everything is pretty funny eventually. Dumb founded dip shits we are from time to time