I have been asking the big questions for as long as I recall having thoughts. Why am I here? What is reality? What am I beyond my physical organism? I started life raised in the Catholic church, attended a catholic grade school, alter boy, confirmation, the whole deal. By the age of 11 I was challenging the nuns (my teachers) about these same subjects in class. Thankfully they were wonderful people and responded with bemused engagement. By the time I hit my teen years I knew this belief system didn't satisfy my need to understand.

As a teen I began to strongly question even some basic tenants of right and wrong. I tried to claim my life experiences as my own to direct but that came with feeling terribly guilty and conflicted over what I'd been taught. During this period I discovered "drugs". I fell in love with marijuana and experimented infrequently with LSD and Mushrooms. I am no stranger to psychedelics but always found them to be a powerful experience that I had no need to repeat for some time.

In my search for answers I turned strongly to science. By the time I was 16 I had a conceptual grasp of special and general relativity and cosmology as well as the fundamentals of quantum mechanics. I was looking for meaning in the smallest and largest scales of our universe. I struggled to shake the threats of damnation as taught in my childhood but I pressed on and little by little I came to see science as truth and bound myself in the limited thought that only that which was physically measurable was real and that science was the only means of discovering truth.

I had been exposed to some basic "new age" consciousness based thinking at various stages. I read out on a limb but just couldn't get past the fear that somehow believing in it would condemn my soul. A bit later I read several Edgar Cayce books which took me a little but farther down this road of understanding. This cracked the door open however and my thoughts would often circle back to this early learning when I started asking those big questions.

I've had a number of unexplainable experiences. Sensations that came from nowhere, a connection with weather that felt internal. An imagined ability to shape and move around some kind of energy I can't physically see. At two points I seem to have transmitted intense emotion to people over some distance. This was independently confirmed by them and actually freaked one of those people out to some degree.

In my 20s and 30s I fell more and more rigidly into that scientific belief system. We are here by an accident of chemistry. When we die we are over. If we can't prove otherwise we shouldn't believe otherwise.

In the past year I had a life changing experience. I earnestly believed I might actually die. I had a cancer scare. Suddenly it became critically important to make up my mind what I believed about death. This process blew that cracked door wide open and bathed me in a brilliant light I'm still staggered by at times. It was a false alarm and now I believe it was my inner self sending a life event meant to catapult me to a new perspective on my existence.

It started with a deep dive into near death experiences with multiple books and much online research. This finally allowed me conclude that we do survive death. When talking to someone about this subject they casually mentioned I should read the book "Seth Speaks". I found a pdf online and started reading.

THIS CHANGED EVERYTHING

Nothing I've experienced before comes close to what happened to my consciousness over the next several months. I realized that I fundamentally am a consciousness that existed before and will exist after my death. I've come to accept that I create my reality according to my beliefs. I've learned to see that the events in my life are a product of my belief system and my psychological state. I gaze at the world and see that it springs into existence as I perceive it and that the beauty of this reality is something that flows from us internally.

I didn't stop at the first book... I'm reading all the seth books. It has been the most fulfilling, joyful, and (HA HA) enlightening period of my life. Consciousness expansion is one hell of a rush.

One of the great gifts of this period was the discovery of what he refers to as a "state of grace" although I've heard this sensation referred to in other ways. There is this psychological and very physical feeling that comes with the following thoughts:

"I am exactly who I am supposed to be doing exactly what I am meant to do. The universe if fundamentally built from love and is designed to support my learning and development. I have created amazingly wonderful experience for myself in life. My inner ego is a genius. I have every right to expect that the future will continue to be full of amazing and fulfilling experiences."

When this sinks in I am full of an intense joy. My body practically vibrates with happiness. I'm comforted, secure, and full of my own potential. With a bit of time and thoughtful focus this I can usually bring this feeling about whenever I need to. It is a great gift.

Seth mentions, on occasion, that there are various means to exploring our consciousness and that one of these is chemical. That's why I'm here. I'm a fledgling explorer of consciousness. I'm hoping that DMT will provide glimpses of this greater reality framework and that it will help me continue along this path I'm on.

GVG, ceramic discs (and copper pads), torch lighter, and spice should all be in my possession soon. I'm nervous, excited, a bit scared too, but in the end I'm hoping that this can become a tool with which I can continue to expand and explore my being.

What do you think? Any thoughts or advice would be very welcome.

--guildnav

What a great intro! I believe dmt may confirm and solidify some of your beliefs. Looking forward to reading about your experiences

Well I had a fail on my spice acquisition. Got taken by a scammer. At this point I don't know how I'll make this happen but I'm sure I'll figure something out eventually. It's a bummer to have invested in the tools only to have them sit brand new and unused.

Great essay! Thanks for sharing...
I'm a believer of "DMT finds you. You do not find it" When the Universe is ready for it to enter your life, it will.....and nothing will ever be the same afterward. Try not to fret over your unused tools. Look on the bright-side: When it does happen, you're already somewhat prepared.

My first experience plan is as follows:
-Ensure my body is in a healthy feeling state. No alcohol, artificial sugars, or junk food for at least 24 hours prior. This should be at least 4 hours after my morning coffee.
-I purchased 5 of the ceramic discs. My plan is to prep each with 5mg by heating them with a low power heat gun and placing a carefully measured dose on each to absorb. (I'm temped to prep the first with 10mg initially) for a total possibility of 25-30mg if I make it through all 5
-I've reviewed the entire GVG thread and feel I have some sense of the proper technique. The GVG is my spice only tool and I won't be using it for other purposes. I will practice with it empty before hand.
-I'll have a good glass of water nearby and a safe place to rest the GVG after each pull
-I plan to do this in the daytime as I'll be alone and I expect that daytime will feel more "safe"
-I will likely partake of my dabbing tool to calm nerves and begin to focus internally
-In the hour or so prior to beginning I plan to work myself into the "state of grace" mentioned in my intro essay. I can accept some trepidation and fear but I need an overall sense of well being, security, and joy. This is a grand adventure I'm embarking on!
-I'll vape 1-2 discs to start and then wait to see what happens before going for the next. I could use some good advice on the maximum and minimum time to wait for reasonable results.
-How many discs I get through will depend on how each goes. I prefer to ease into it with the ability to stop or pause when needed. If I hit breakthrough then so be it.

Once in hyperspace I dearly hope to meet my inner ego for a powerful hug and to express my deepest gratitude for the life "it" has partnered with me to create...

I really hope it does find me. I've hit a point in my own development where this really feels like the right next step. I am very appreciative of the people who have contributed to these forums. My plan is a direct result of the knowledge being shared in this place. I hope to provide an experience report as soon as possible.