I'm a 32 year old male, living in Niagara Falls, Canada. I've been "into" spiritual stuff for a very long time. I started having out of body experiences when I was in high school. I had no control over them, but that was my first "real" spiritual experience.
About 9 years ago, my mind was blown open. I took MDMA a few times (or, at least it was sold as that...), and experienced things that I thought weren't possible. For example, for a few days I would see people speaking their thoughts. What I mean by that is... someone would think something, and I would experience seeing and hearing them speak the words. It started on drugs, but lasted for a few days after that.
At that point, what happened was that I'd directly experienced something that went against my beliefs. I was terrified. I reconsidered everything I thought to be true. For many months, I was convinced that people were trying to kill me, and that I shouldn't leave the house.
Then, one day I realized something. The life I was living when I was afraid of dying was not a life. It was as if I was already dead. We're not alive by default, but rather to live, we must
choose to live. That was a major turning point in my life. Although the fear was still around a lot, I'd decided that I should start living my life. I decided that I would live. I would go out into the world, and live the life I wanted to live... because otherwise there was no life worth protecting in the first place.
In a lot of ways, I regressed over the next year. The sudden blowing open that I experienced took me farther than I was ready to go at the time. Although I went back to many of my previous ways, I knew that I was working on getting back to where I had just been, and this time it would be without the fear.
I was a daily marijuana smoker at the time this originally happened. I loved it. It was calming, peaceful, and helped me to expand my mind. After this though, whenever I would smoke, I would become
very paranoid. I would still smoke once in a while, but it had become much less fun.
Fast forward to about 3 years ago. I felt like it was time for me to try drugs again. My drug of choice was MDMA, but I had nowhere to get it. So, I turned to the research chemical market. I'm in Canada, and there's a bunch of neat drugs that are legal here. I started with methylone, as it sounded like it was the closest I could get to MDMA. It was neat, and helpful... but it was getting me ready for something else.
My 2 drugs of choice now are AMT, and 2-CI. They're both legal where I live. Although a lot of people still look down on any drug use, I feel much more comfortable having drugs in my home if I know they're legal.
One thing I realized about drugs a long time ago was that anything that is possible to do on drugs, is possible to do without them. I don't mean to present that as an absolute idea... more the idea that weird experiences on drugs can happen without them too. And, if that's true, then what does that mean about our reality?
About 2 years ago, I experienced "falling in love at first sight". It wasn't the first time I'd seen this woman, but that's what this experience was. Our eyes met, and I simultaneously felt pulled towards her from my heart chakra, and my visuals changed so that she morphed into the most perfectly beautiful woman I'd ever seen. After a few seconds of this, it hit me. The fear.
My life changed instantly that night. I was happier, waking up earlier, and going to sleep at a better time. There was a problem though. I couldn't speak with this woman about any of this. Whenever she was around, I would feel terrified. I would later realize that this is the nature of soul connections - to bring out some of our deepest fears so that they can be healed. It's not until that's complete that we might be able to be "together" in the physical world.
A few months later, I experienced being opened to feeling "unconditional love" (also known as divine love, and bliss) on 2CI. I remember laying in bed, and feeling waves of energy flow over me. It was intense. And then, if I focused on the woman I loved, and sent the thought "I love you", the energy would become more intense.
When I was laying in bed, I remembered hearing weird noises on my roof. For a minute I thought there must be some kind of weird storm outside. It wasn't a stormy time though, but what else could it be? I looked outside, and saw a flock of medium sized birds. They were flying back and forth from the tree outside my house, and onto my roof. They kept flying back and forth, not staying very long in either spot.
It was then that I realized that what I was feeling was affecting the world around me. It wasn't "just me" feeling this.
After this experience, I've been feeling that same love, almost every day. At first, it wasn't very often, or very strong... but it gets more intense with all of the fears and misconceptions that I clear. I'm now able to send this love to pretty much anyone. Pretty sure I could do it with anyone, as I've been able to do it with some very difficult people in my life. Some people are easier than others.
The love also flows reasonably often "for no reason". Meaning I don't always have to actively send love to feel it.
And now, I've been feeling that I need to talk with people about this. I need to write about this. I've got a blog right now where I talk about a bunch of this (
which you can find here if you'd like - http://klairic.com), and I expect that I'm going to be writing a book soon.
I've been around lurking on this forum off and on for many years. I was never really ready to be "public" about any drug related experiences until now. I've learned a lot from this place in the past, and would like to become a member of the community.
Thanks,
Mike