Hello everybody,
I´d like to take this moment and introduce myself here and want to thank everybody here that contributes and makes the Nexus what it is. It´s a great feeling finding a website like this and I´ve finally decided to come on in and join this forum.
I have to apologize for how all over the place this introduction might be, I have a hard time putting things into less words, so if anyone isn´t interested in it, please feel free to skip to the actual reason I came on here. That will appear a couple more paragraphs further down.
I´m 27 years old and I´m currently living in the USA. I was born in a small town in Germany and spent most of my first 25 years there until my wife, who grew up in the US, and I found each other in a very odd scenario and based on how well we got along and our decision to engage in a relationship, I decided to move to the States.
I´ve been living here since 2010 now and things have always gone well until a couple of months ago my wife and I started to disagree a little more here and there and some things in our respective personalities got revealed and shook our relationship to the point of us trying to take a "break" from our relationship and see if what we need is a little distance. After several tries of trying to get "back to normal" my wife looked into my eyes in a very strange moment after I just thougt we will get back on track together and said to me: "I can´t do this anymore. I love you. However, I´m not sure anymore if I am what you need and you are what I need and our personalities just clash too much. She explained how she can´t deal with my "reactions to things" anymore.
Well, long story short: A wonderful, THE most wonderful part of my life has just started to slowly dissolve out of my life and it´s absolutely killing me. Years of a relationship based on hour-long talks via skype at night-and/or daytime. Every single day. Until we found a way to be together and got married. (We both didn´t and still don´t view the marriage as anything special in particular. It was, however, at that moment the only realistic option for us to stay together and we did really well for 3.5 years until this last Tuesday it became a thing of the past.
There´s absolutely no bad blood between the two of us and it´s a very hard experience for both of us having to go through this, or at least her thinking it needed to end.
We had wonderful psychedelic experiences together, though we never went too crazy. She´s also had a sensory deprivation tank experience, which I did not have yet.
She and our situation currently is definitely a great influence on my daily life still. I´m getting over everything right now. It is a very tricky situation, since the government issues an immigrant faces here are not of small nature. I have a wonderful job as a chef in a vegan restaurant, which I can absolutely relate to and working there has also given me the opportunity to meet the guy who introduced me to psychedelics and spiritual ritual knowledge and who has now become my best friend here.
So, for anyone interested, I´ve had 4 mushroom experiences, two of them out in the forest with my wife and two of them with my best friend while camping. I´ve been an almost daily toker for about 2 years now. And my most intense and eye-opening experience was my first changa experience, which I thoroughly enjoyed together with my best friend, also while camping.
I´ve grown some mushrooms for myself for the first time not too long ago and my friend, another friend and I made a ginger-tea brew and drank it together. It was a really nice experience. My best friend was also the one who was playing my wife´s and my "babysitter" when we had our first mushroom experience, so I share a deep connection with him and trust him one hundred percent.
Now that the dust has settled just a bit and me feeling this urge to reflect on my anxieties and mistakes related to my current situation, I´ve decided to take mushrooms by myself for the first time.
I´m planning on skipping breakfast, and dedicating the rest of the day to meditation, reflection and the actual mushroom trip. It will be the amount that I had left from my first ever self-grown mushrooms, so they mean a lot to me, even if that may sound funny.
My friend and I weighed them yesterday and I will be taking 2.2 grams. I´m planning on doing my tea routine since that has always been very gentle on my stomach and a very joyful experience drinking the warm brew while slowly starting to feel the medicine coming on.
For the record, I´ve done mushrooms 4 times so far and never had more than 1.5 grams and was always with someone else I love and/or trust to the fullest. I will also spend the night before the trip re-searching talks, interviews and tips on how to take mushrooms by yourself and what to expect (if you can even tell anybody what to expect haha) if it goes south. I´m trying to take my best friend´s advice and will let him know when I will start my trip and will give him a call after.
This will be some serious soul-searching and I´m excited, anxious in a good way and anticipating this wonderful gift giving me a "new" perspective on my current outlook here.
I think I´m ready to let myself go and will learn from this in one way or another.
This trip (because it´s my first mushroom trip by myself and because of the rapid change in my life) means a lot to me and I hope I can get what might help me understand and let go easier. My friend made sure to introduce me to everything the "right way" (I guess you could call it like that) and I´m naturally very cautious and respectful with anything Mother Nature has to offer.
Basically, this trip coming up and the situation I´m in right now made me want to share it as it´s so painfully obvious that I´m longing for "answers".
All in all, this felt like the exact right time to join the Nexus and I hope I can contribute to this site in many ways in the future. Thanks again for providing this very well-organized platform.
Flicker