Hello people

I feel a bit weird posting an introduction of myself to people I don't know yet but I can understand why it's a good idea. And this forum looks really great so I would love to become a part of it

A bit about me, I'm 20 years old, male, philosophy student, with a life long obsession with probing as deeply as possible into the nature of reality and an experience of beauty in it's purest forms. To go beyond normal consciousness, to experience the sublime. This was always going to lead me to psychedelics. I also love philosophy and eastern philosophy especially very much. And music. I've found an increasingly satisfying understanding of reality and the existential problem of being a human over the last couple of years, from absorbing knowledge from the philosophical traditions of taoism, buddhism and hinduism, travel, which helped me loosen my mind and of course, psychedelics, which really helped my push my understanding of just how beautiful existence really is.

This came after a long period of depression in my teenage years up until I was 18, when I travelled to California for a few months (I'm from England) to work on farms and also happened to get quite into cannabis and lsd whilst out there. I had taken LSD when I was 16 and smoked weed from quite a while, but I was still heavily under the spell of maya - the spell cast by western culture as we leave childhood that prevents us from knowing our true selves & the majesty of existence, to keep the machine running (sorry if that sounds a little overdramatic but it's how I feel, I think that's the truth). When I look back I can see a distinct moment when I entered secondary school (age 11) and felt the full weight of babylon/'the man'/whatever descend all around me, working me into a trance & abruptly removing the freedom I'd had as a child. I'm a sensitive soul and the preteen me couldn't handle it, and I was thrown into 6 or 7 years of OCD, anxiety and depression, because I'd lost the intuitive understanding of the now I'd had as a child.

LSD helped me snap out of that trance. It was responsible for what I would call my first mystical experience. I had a moment during my 3rd or 4th trip where I apprehended this pattern (it wasn't really that but that's the a good approximation), I didn't see it with my eyes or hear it with my ears, it came through a sense we don't use in everyday consciousness so I don't know what to call it. But when it came to me I had a moment (or a few moments more accurately) where I understood everything, this pattern allowed everything to click. Every single thing that had ever happened and will happen was understood as it's expression. Since learning about taoism I think it of it as the tao. I looked around me and everything was just one, it was all this tao.

I'd never felt existence in it's purity and power quite like this, it was completely astonishing and blissful. I realised that I don't experience the universe, the universe is the true self and it's experiencing me, the illusion faded and the universe was allowed a peak back onto itself, doing what it's always done, not with a "purpose" in the human sense, but in complete and perfect harmony, knowing exactly what it does but with no goal, just an uncontrollable unfolding - somewhere between an orgasm and a symphony. Our lives and everything we do are notes and movements of that symphony, the symphony that composes itself. It was of incredible benefit to me to see that, my mental problems were caused by a wrong view of reality and by undoing that I made remarkably fast improvement, and today I'm basically over those problems. I have had a mystical experience sober too, quite soon after that in the Santa Cruz mountains. Those experiences of reality left a powerful mark on my existence.

I haven't eradicated sadness, nor do i expect to, or even want to, that's an essential part of being a human being, it's an essential colour that makes up existence. Many philosophers see the despair inherent in human existence, Nietzsche saw life as a tragedy. But we all carry on existing - I think those moments of happiness are so powerful as to make all the suffering worth it.

Fast forward a couple of years to now, and Changa has entered my life. As anyone who's smoked it knows, it's close to impossible to communicate the experience (the new dimensions in particular - it's like trying to describe purple to a blind man). I'll probably write a proper trip report in another post. I've had 2 breakthroughs now and they have been amongst the most unutterably beautiful experiences of my life. I always knew I'd eventually get to DMT, and I'm thankful it was in the form of Changa. I haven't tried pure DMT yet, and I will one day, but I'm glad Changa found me first, it connects me to the earth and life itself in a way nothing else ever has. instead of machine elves and alines, on Changa I experience life spirits, earth goddesses and sometimes gods. There's a distinct female presence in all my trips. They're beautiful and they've shown me things I never thought possible, and things I never though impossible too (as in, it had never even occurred to me to think of these things as impossible, and now they're happening).

It is truly a gift. Unlike acid trips, I don't experience 'revelations' where I put together thoughts/feeling/sensations from everyday life in a new and profound way. It's rather a feeling that it leaves you with that's very difficult to express. The first time I broke through I felt like a part of my brain was awakened that had long been dormant. It's a feeling that stays with you. A deep feeling of existence. After my trips I find I can feel other people's existence much more powerfully. Everyone's essence spills out of them, and I see this whirling mixture of life all around me. Chagna to me is not an intellectual experience, I give in to a higher power on those trips, I'm not in control, I'm not really 'thinking.' The spirits know a lot more than me, they have amazing secrets that they just want to share, all I have to do is let them.

So that's why I'm here. To discuss the experience mostly. I think I'd like to extract one day too. Since my Changa trips I find I've been drawn to people who've also experienced it, it's much more satisfying to talk about it with other people who've also been there. So being part of a DMT forum should be fun. I don't know if I'll post very often but I look forward to any discussions I may have in the future with you. Peace x

Brilliant post.

You are well ahead of the game, as you seem to have the knowledge and experience of someone more than twice your age. Nice to meet you.

im glad to here that

I'm glad you mentioned Changa. I had never heard of that before.


Unfortunately I'm never interested in other peoples views on life.
It always gets into discussions that can't be solved.


I'm more interested in you as a person.



Did you read any interesting books on Taoism?

What were you like in your earlier years?
(I usually ask this to measure the change that occurred with the use of psychedelics)

Personally, I've never had a female presence in my trips.
Are they beautiful because they are female, or female because they are beautiful?

Hi Donnie,

I understand what you're saying about peoples views on life, and I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything, but I need to include my world views because they're intrinsically linked to my life and my psychedelic experiences. But I do like to hear about other peoples. It only gets into discussions that can't be solved because there is nothing to solve, there are no questions or answers when it comes to the ultimate reality, only humans are able to ask questions and our notion of things having purpose, I think, only applies to things made by us, for us, for a specific purpose - to extend the idea to nature as a whole is a misconception, it has no 'meaning' in the human sense of the word.

Sorry for going into my world views again, sometimes I can't help myself. If you think it's ridiculous that doesn't offend me at all

I've dipped in and out of the tao te ching, but most of what I've learned about taoism I've gained from reading up online. I've read a lot more on buddhism. To me they both make very valuable, complementary lenses through which to see reality.

In my earlier years I was many different ways. Before the age of 11, I was a very spacey, care free child. I had lots of fantasy worlds and loved being silly. I loved to draw from my imagination and started learning guitar at 8 or 9 which I really loved (and still do!). My parents kept a book of quotes of things me and my sisters said when we were children. Once I was daydreaming and my dad asked me where I was, and I said "not here land." Where's that? "It's where you learn not to hear"

11-18 I think of as a sort of 'rude interruption'. It's funny, when you first leave childhood you're so much closer to it and yet so much less aware of it. During those teenage years I had very little self awareness and I completely forgot the freedom of childhood, the massive horizons. From 11-18 I was in a trance, I learned how to be self-conscious, started to let the judgement of others dictate my feelings and couldn't break out of that, didn't even realise I was in a trance to be broken out of. And psychedelics (specifically LSD at the time) allowed me snap out of it. I was always interested in trips but at 16 all I could get was ketamine so I experimented with that for about a year, I don't think it did me any good though and in fact almost definitely made me worse. Ketamine caused me to retreat back further and further into the illusions of my mind, and feel more disconnected from people.

LSD shattered them all and it felt like I was reconnected with my childhood self, realised who I was again. But more conscious of it all. I saw the absurdities in life, that there was really no reason to be taking it all so seriously. I used to carry a lot of weight around before then, and LSD showed me I could simply throw it off if I wanted to. I did, and I became a much happier, more confident person from then on. I still get depressed from time to time but that's just life, life is always a challenge and sometimes it gets to me, but it doesn't worry me anymore.

The feminine spirits, I wouldn't say they were beautiful because they were female or female because they were beautiful. They just were. They were female and beautiful. Everything in all my trips so far has been beautiful. I actually had my first breakthrough today that had a really strong masculine presence, which I'm really happy about. They were ancient male spirits. All the spirits I communicate with on changa feel ancient, they connect me with the history of life and humans especially. I highly recommend changa to all living humans

I was curious if the feminine spirits are mostly felt by men of a specific type.
I have read many trip reports where women have felt a strong male presence.


I am homosexual man, but not often sexually active.
I have never felt a female or male presence in a breakthrough.
However, I have felt a strong presence of some sort.
I definitely believe there is a presence.


I was wondering if you've read any books on Taoism that you might recommend.
I prefer books over internet sources.

personally... I'd rather have a friend tell me to read The Tibetan Book of the Dead than to just go on the internet and look up "Buddhism"

My friend has told me to read the Tibetan book of the dead, that's something I've been meaning to do for a long time. I think death will be a much more beautiful experience for those who've embraced and prepared for it.

The presences for me are the most remarkable part of the trip. I heard about spirits and elves a lot before taking it, but having only acid trips to compare to, i always imagined it would just be a sort of visual based on living beings. But they have so much power, to actually be lead along and shown these things by intelligences that feel distinctly other is really something new and special. I always have multiple presences. I have actually had a breakthrough since writing that introduction with a strong male presence. A very ancient male presence. Every trip is different.

I've read the tao of physics but to be honest I didn't rate it that highly. I don't really understand the physics stuff but if you do you might enjoy it a lot more.

My knowledge of buddhism has built up slowly over time so i don't know of a single book to recommend for it. I studied it at school for 2 years when i was 14-16 which was a great introduction. Then travelled to Nepal at 17 and learned a lot more about it there. Then gathered a lot from talking to people, and various books. Peace is Every step by Thich Nhat Hanh is a really good introduction to mindfulness, not much to do with the religion of buddhism but teaches you how to think like a buddhist. That book helped me learn to be much more meditative in everyday life. I've also read a book by Alan Watts, Man, Woman and Nature, which I really enjoyed. I don't think he's specifically a buddhist but that's very much where he's coming from and he explains it in a way that makes a lot of sense to a western mind. I find Alan Watts to be a really enlightening thinker

Hi and great intro..

My only interjection, I don't think Siddhartha Gautama did a lot of reading to get where he did

OK, well The Tao starts out with, "The Tao that can be explained in not The Tao," so that should negate any books, "about," The Tao.

The Tao instructs us from the very beginning to just read it and find its meaning for ones self. The Tao is in Chinese, so in a pure sense, reading a translation is not The Tao but a book about The Tao. Typically, students of The Tao who are not fluent in Chinese, acquire several different translations. If you are fluent in a language other than English, you may want to read The Tao in that translation as well. There is a Torrent file currently being shared online," called, "Tao Te Ching Collection," which has about 20 different translations of The Tao.

The Tao is a very short book, even miniscule when compared to the Bible or the Koran. So, it's not a chore to get through it. If I'm going to recommend an actual book about The Tao, then please forgive me for recommending Dr. Wayne Dyer's, "Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life, Living The Wisdom of the Tao." Dr. Dyer is the Depak Chopra for white liberals, in that he Westernizes Eastern thought very well and he does not have a foreign accent, and he shaves and bathes regularly.

Hi Halfanimal,
I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to put that introduction together. It's really beautiful and I understand what you are talking about.

Absolutely... I believe he even said not to follow his path, everyone finds their own path to liberation. Words can help push your consciousness in the right direction but since it's a direct experience it can never be explained