It's been some time since I've posted on the nexus. Due in part by my extended break from entheogenic exploration, and due mostly to my standing addiction to heroin.

In the next two to three days I will begin my journey, hopefully for the last time, into the battle of my addiction.

I truely feel this is my last chance. I've posted my efforts on here before and sadly have failed each time.

So, suboxone is my last chance, I would love to hear any success stories regarding kicking opiates. In order to keep it light.
I guess I'm just reaching out for positive reactions. The ones close to me are already in my corner, but there's something about you guys I find inspirational. Lol too bad my buddy Dimitri is out of town, cuz he doesnt hold back...and the truth, tho hard to handle...is the best.

Thanks guys.

if at first you don't succeed....


best of luck, here's hoping you kick that nasty habit for good this time around.

Major changes in your day to day life MUST accompany a change you make to kicking a habit IMHO. Just like cigarette addiction can be linked to food, sex, and drinking any addiction will have its own connections to things you normally do. Change up your routines, find what things trigger your urges, and stay away from people or places you most associate your drug use with.

Having a positive outlook on what your doing, believing in yourself, and knowing you can achieve anything are you best friends. And besides, since you me we are all one, I don't want to be addicted to heroin so please quit =)

Its gonna hurt, but i guess you already knew that. As time progresses and maybe you are having dark moments and suffering both physically and mentally, try to hold the thoughts close that you are going through this to improve your life. And after a period you will start to notice this. The waste of human potential through a self destructive addiction is heartbreaking (it was for me). And listen to a lot of your favourite pieces of music as your sensitivity floods back, i find it very therapeutic and uplifting. The old cliche of what doesn"t kill you makes you stronger is very apt with this situation.

I was given suboxone for my H dependency many years ago. The medicine helps with the kicking... I only got mildly dope sick that time, so try to have confidence going in. It's not like methadone (never tried, but witnessed plenty) in the sense that you won't really be high, just a little 'different'.

Don't bother banging up while taking it..., you could shoot a whole bundle and not feel a thing for 5 days after taking your last suboxone.


You can do this. I had a 7yr habit, starting in my teens, and I haven't touched a single opiate in 8 years. This is not due to the suboxone... I only took it for a month. My belief is that aftery last overdose put me in the icu.for 3 days, I learned that it was stop or die.

I love my life today. I would never have believed it could be this good when I was dope sick. I also was completely sober for about 3 years before I decided that plant based psychedelics were ok for me. It's been great for many years. Some people need to stay completely clean to stay off.

H is boring, once you get away you may agree. Staring at my shoelaces for multiple hours is no fun.

Good luck. If this junkie can do it, anyone can

I have been struggling with opiate addiction for 3 years. The last six months I had been using Suboxone to keep off other opiates. Really I just got addicted to Suboxone. I was taking only 4 mg a day because my tolerance was not too bad, I was still abusing it. It had the same effect I got from my addiction which is why I urge you to be careful and do not abuse it or stay on it for a prolonged period of time. I went through hell in withdrawal which is still affecting me now 2 weeks later. Restless legs, apathy, anxiety, pain. It was like a prolonged withdrawal from my 80mg oxy a day habit but not as intense. I quit Suboxone 2 weeks ago. I am happy to be sober. I still have a long way to go and a lot to sort out and am reintroducing psychedelics into my life. Good luck to you, ask me if you need any help.

I battled opiate & other addiction for close to a decade. The last year or so I got into suboxone to try to ease my kick. It didn't work. I wound up just yo-yoing between heroin & suboxone. Shoot dope for a few days, then go back on the suboxone for a few days. I liked the way subs made me feel, and I always looked forward to that part of the cycle, cause by this time heroin wasn't even fun anymore. That first hit was good, but the rest of the bender was lame. The suboxone made me feel good, so I enjoyed it.

Finally I was just sick of it all, so I did a suboxone taper & stopped. The problem was that by this time I was as addicted to suboxone as anything else, so I went into withdrawal. I couldn't make it past 3 days before I caved. When I was younger I'd gone through heroin & oxy kicks cold turkey. It was living hell, but I managed it. I kicked many times only to relapse. This time I couldn't hack it. Each time I tried I'd fall back. This was just with suboxone. I shot some dope here & there, and ate benzos but really by now I didn't even want to get high...I wanted to be sober, but I was literally physically unable to quit. That's some really scarey shit right there; to be literally consuming drugs against your will. I started going to church & bible studies thinking that I if I found Jesus (and a hot Christian girl to take care of me ) I could do it. Yeah.......that didn't work at all. I was just grasping at straws. Previously I'd thought that if I didn't do any opiates, but instead stayed up for a few days on meth, then crashed & slept for a couple, I'd wake up and not be addicted anymore. That's the kind of line of thinking I had about trying to quit. I was completely out of my mind.

So what changed? Honestly I don't even know. My memory of this period is hazy. I was tired of it, and tired of life. I'd overdosed many times before & was always survived. One time I stopped breathing & had an NDE in which it was made clear to me that it wasn't my time. So I was done with life, but the drugs weren't gonna kill me. So it was either get clean or kill myself. I surrendered, as they say in 12-step fellowships. The biggest sticking point was always my views on psychedelics. They don't have a place in traditional recovery, so I never got into it. By this point though I was utterly defeated, and I gave in. Came clean to my family & checked myself into rehab. Suboxone isn't as bad as methadone, but it's still no cake walk. I was dope sick for a month when I went in.....barely got any sleep for a while. I did 40 days inpatient & 6 months outpatient. I went with the NA program completely; hit meetings every day, got a sponsor, got a home group & wrote on steps. I discovered some goals for myself & started the ball rolling on achieving them. I started lifting weights while in rehab, and that's a hobby that's stuck with me. Exercise is key in recovery.

After a year & a half or so I drifted away from the NA program & just kinda started doing my own thing. After 2 & a half years I decided that it was time for another trip. That was a long & hard decision, as I was scared of going back to using. That didn't happen, but I'm still cautious about it. To be honest, I really prefer being sober now anyway. Today I've been clean & sober (minus a few trips) for almost 3 & a half years. I've done things in my life that I never thought I would, and while I have my ups & downs, life is pretty much really awesome. I'm really lucky. I never imagined that I'd ever feel good again, and I do. I never imagined that I'd be happy again, and I am. It's no cake walk, but it's way worth it.

I really recommend getting involved with NA or AA. It's huge in early recovery. You don't have to do it forever....just hit some meetings, share where you're at & see how you feel about it. There's a reason that I chose to move on from all of that, but to be honest, I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for that program. I wouldn't have made it, and that's a fact. Talk to people...keeping your thoughts & feelings bottled up inside isn't healthy. Exercise, exercise, exercise. I can't emphasis that enough. Exercise has been my foundation from day one. It helps regain & maintain physical health, mental health & emotional health. Start eating a nutritious diet. That's also huge for physical, mental & emotional health. Meditation, prayer, whatever you do spiritually. Go out & live life. Finding new hobbies is key. We all need novelty in our lives, and addicts in particular seem to crave it more. So try new things. Sobriety is fun. If it's not for you than you are doing it wrong.

One day at a time man. That's all you need to do. Stay clean one day at a time. Thoughts & feelings are just thoughts & feelings. You don't need to act on them, and they will pass. Tell yourself that as often as necessary. If you think about using remember that & play the tape forward. There's more that I'd like to say, but it's getting late & it's slipping away. You can do this. Fight that & remember that you're not alone. Feel free to PM me whenever.

Power and love to you. I have beaten the same demon. Take your time lowering your dose on Suboxone, trying not to disturb any cravings. Try to drop off at about .5mg or less while on a vacation. Having HOT baths, exercise and good music is a must for the final drop off..


Until you reach home... We love you.

My experience with sub is that methadone works better for ME, but thats because when I stopped shooting heroin, I still needed some 'opiate on board' feeling, I dont know it helped me to deal with the emotional issues and behaviors surrounding my addiction with a higher physical comfort level, and Ive taken the time during a slow detox to become 'normalized' again, everything from being able to tolerate my eyes unpinned to taking an uncohesive shit.
I dont know, sub just does weird shtuff to ME. Think Im actually allergic, but I was doing Subutex (sp?) with naloxone, ugh
Dude, good luck. Check out my post around yers asking the question of what is your exp with 12 steps?
Im in a crisis of recovery, so to speak, but I here to tell you, from an 'un-recoverable' junky who is 'too smart to recover' etc, that it can be done. And it doesnt have to be as painful, at least emotioanlly as it tends to be. love yourself, I mean REALLY LEARN TO LOVE YOU. Without that, we cannot care about your environment, we cant love another, and we will fill that emptiness with dope, if your at all like me.
Its tough man, but it has to do with the highest self knowledge that you can apprehend, and gratitude.
Clean, truly clean junkys, are the most awesome people in the world, in my opinion, from the horrendous pain weve endured and the vast amounts of compassion and love that most of us contain that is released into the world, as the wounded healer archetype, when you get clean.
Peace, my friend, PM me anytime, if you are near, Ill give you my didgits, Im in PDX OR, USA

here's a kicking opium story that I'v never shared before.

After years of only taking opium on occassion....I became addicted. After a time i resolved to quit. Detox is bad right....well, I'm shaking, my stomach is killing me, nausea, all that. My knee and my wrist were injuries that kept me taking the O, those pains came back strong. And then....an ache in the tooth. In just a few hours, my tooth-ache goes from a 1 to a screaming 11 (on the 1-10 scale of pain). There I am, on the sofa, covered in sweat, my knee throbbing, my stomach wracked, experiencing the overall misery of detox and my whole side of my head is now in on it. Infected tooth. My whole being, untied in pain. Guess what the dentist gave me? An antibiotic and........ Hydrocodone of course! thanks a lot!

Anyway, a few weeks after that i got clean for real. Kratom, thank god for kratom.

I hope you are doing good, SpireCatalyst.

hey man, me again. I just checked this thread out to see how yer doing, and just noticed what you said in the OP about being afraid. Afraid its your last chance.
man, I was in 'treatment' for over ten years, being told Im powerless, 'unrecoverable', 'too smart' etc.
WE ARE NOT POWERLESS, quite the opposite actiually.
We are the hopeless, the loveless, the faithless.
But we are also the f***ing STRONGEST people I know.
We have dealt, daily, with pain that would crush angel's souls. And if we dont die from it, we are made strong. Tempered steel is the strongest, the sharpest, the most flexible. Japanese blacksmiths beat thier steel, put it through fire so hot, so many times, folded over and over, until with one fluid motion, the samurai who weilded that blade, and could use its power, could slice through the armor and body of an opponent, and the one next to him, and the one next to him. They called them "three man blades"That is you man, tempered ever-loving steel man.
You can do this. I SWEAR TO GOD. I dont take that name in vain. I care not for the law of man, it is Gods that I defer to.
And that law says- "remember my name, it is 'thank you'"
gratitude, man, and accountability, lead to self awareness and knowledge, and is the route out.
You may know by now, the exact dimensions of your hell. I do not, I cant lead you out, but if you follow the light, you will find it.

Ive been consoling a friend all week, 24 years old, bless her heart, who walked in on her boyfriend hanging from a shower head, using his own wieght to strangle the life from him. he had left her a note, it said that he loved her, that it wasnt her fault, but he would not have done it if she stayed.
he had spent 1000 dollars they had saved to get a home in a week on heroin.
He also said in his note the real reason why he left, the same fucking (theres a time and place mod;trav, but edit if need be-Im pissed!)thing you said- he was afraid that this was it. Alife of pain and misery. Through three suicide attempts, I thought the same.

PM me if you need help. Im old as the dirt, I shot heroin for 27 years, I kicked 97 times. Ive done prison, homeless, friendless, hopeless, the whole stupid thing, but I am healed now. I walk in light, and gratitude. Thank you is the first word on my lips EVERY morning, not forced, but free.
There is a cure, it is not hopeless, you do not have a disease, you are dis-eased.
I love you man...