Akasha224 wrote:...take pretty hefty doses of psychopharmaceuticals to deal with mental health problems
Well, depending on how serious these are, you may want to make sure they've been fully addressed before embarking on entheogenic experiences. Are you working with a good therapist, as well as taking the drugs? From my own personal experience, I can tell you that one without the other just doesn't work. The meds without the therapy is nothing more than a very temporary band-aid on problem that needs further attention. Your mileage may vary, of course, but that's my experience.
Akasha224 wrote:is the time, money and effort really worth it if I'm just going to see "pretty colors" for 45 seconds and then come back to reality as if nothing ever happened?
First off, it's more than 45 seconds of "just" "pretty colors," both in terms of subjective time and the experience as a whole. I count my experiences with DMT as some of
the most spiritual experiences of my life, at both extremes (i.e. heaven and hell), and none of that had to do with what I saw with my eyes, and everything to do with what I "saw" with my spirit. That's not to say it can't be a visually-intense trip, it can be, and yes, once in a while, that is all that it seems to be. I think of using DMT like turning on a TV without knowing what will be on it. You could end up watching the most amazing spiritual show you've ever imagined, or it could just be a cartoon.
That said, you do have to "come back to reality," and that's often the hardest part - post-trip integration deserves as much forethought, respect and pondering as taking the trip itself. Having a spiritual framework within which to work through your experience will greatly facilitate successful integration, though it's not necessarily requisite (I can't imagine not having one though). Are there any wisdom traditions you ascribe to or feel that you identify with?
Akasha224 wrote:I'm honestly at a standstill and have no idea what I should do.
That you took the time to post this question tells me that you have thought about this quite a bit, so I think you, at the least, realize this isn't trivial. That's a great place to start. Nothing can really 'prepare' you, completely, for what DMT will show you, because it is so personal.
No one can tell you whether trying DMT will be "worth it" to you - that is only a decision you can make, because you are, ultimately, the only one that will have to live with the ramifications of the decision. That said, if someone were to come up to me and ask, point-blank, "has your use of DMT been worth what it cost you to do so?" I would be a liar if I didn't immediately respond "yes."
Akasha224 wrote:I want the insight and the rejuvenation that entheogens bring...
Hopefully you realize from your research that entheogens only bring "insight and the rejuvenation" inasmuch as you have prepared yourself for such. Nothing's free. My own personal opinion (not that of this website's entire community, obviously) is that, if you have done enough research into DMT to have a basic understanding of what you are embarking upon, you are sufficiently ready (barring any serious physical or mental health issues, of course).
Akasha224 wrote:...as opposed to being dulled out and depersonalized by tranquilizers; it's not a long term solution, and, as some members may have experienced, the side effects can be so horrible, I sometimes wonder whether they are even worth granting me the ability to "function" in day-to-day life.
I've been weaning off of an SSRI for the second time in the last 18 months and would say that such drugs are worth using as a bridge to get us from one point to the next. Last summer I was so depressed that I didn't want to live any longer. I checked myself into a psych ward because I was at the end of my rope, figuratively, and it could've been literal if I had let it continue. The SSRI I took helped get me across a bad patch in life and I don't regret it. Now that I'm better, I'm slowly leaving it behind. If you wish to do the same, be sure you have a good medical doctor and, ideally, a good therapist to help you manage that transition.
Hope this was helpful to you, even if for nothing more than stirring up more questions for you to ask.
Quote:...if you see that it is inconceivable that anything should exist, it is evident that at least one inconceivable fact is there. That is to say, that which exists is not limited to the conceivable. Since the inconceivable is there, it is impossible to set any limit to the quantity of inconceivableness which may be present in the situation. Now were the existence of anything consistently to remind you of the fact of inconceivability...it would be impossible for you to feel in the same way about the conceivable. ...if anyone were reminded about the inconceivable by the fact of existence at all constantly, he would sooner or later have the perception that there may be inconceivable considerations which are inconceivably more important than any conceivable consideration could be. ...if you do have a perception that any conceivable consideration may be utterly invalidated by some other consideration which you do not know, and if you are reminded of this perception constantly by the fact that things exist, certain modifications take place in the way you feel about things. These modifications have not taken place in the psychology of most people.
- Celia Green