So, recently I had a breakthrough. It was the most terrifying intergalactic experience I have never thought could have happened. I was ripped apart, shown that I know nothing, I have no respect for the world and life. That I need to love more that I have had a dark presence on this Earth. Then they showed me the quantum underpinnings and the Earth was born and I was pushed back down... they told me this is where you belong, this is a miracle. Falling back to Earth from the back of space time itself. I should respect all religions, they were made by wise men and I should channel light into my life, somehow and whatever way I feel comfortable with that is somehow culturally accepted. It should me that I am ignoring the important processes of human life and I should get with the program. That is what it all was, an ultimate alien super collider computer program. But, the ultimate power in the universe. Or at least one them.

I got back absolutely disintegrated. But it lasted days. I have been fighting for myself to come back into my body, being shown images. For days, walking around the Bay Area everything looked smooth and alien like a LSD trip. But, when I tried to sleep I was fighting with forces.

My mind could not stop thinking, to my friends I was dead, I was fried. They said you will be fine. For days I thought I was schizophrenic, I was not coming back. I was possessed. I was eating well, but I felt like a vegetable. Like I might start balling my eyes out at any second. When I would go to sleep I would writhe around with visions, sweating. Breakthrough dream experiences when I tried to sleep, 3 days after smoking DMT.

The only thing I can think is that I messed up. My breakthrough was tough for me to accept and I went out with friends. I got drunk and I dropped a MDMA pill and totally forgot I had. The funny thing is that I forgot about taking that MDMA pill, it was shown to me in an image that I had done that. I think I had severe serotonin syndrome. This was completely irresponsible... I forgot since I was drunk not to take anything effecting my serotonin receptors. The only thing that calmed it all down days after feeling schizophrenic was pleading with my friends that I was totally messed up, they kept saying I was fine, but I was not, I was freaking out at every second that this was not going to be real, I could not think straight, I was like a baby and then I was going to wake up in a different dimension. I was in a diner with them, I got a jasemine tea and it smelled like pure DMT. Everything was menacing, I was really getting to the point where I finally thought it was never going to wear off. I have brain damage. I needed to go to a drug clinic, luckily in the practice space there was a bunch of valium, I took some and in ten minutes, I felt good. I felt amazing. I wanted to kiss the ground I was walking on, I am actually going to survive this long adventure of having all my life questions answered. That I met the ultimate powers that be.

I still felt as though something had been installed in my brain... it was like a goo. An alien device. I could feel it, the molecules flowing through me at all times. I really wanted it to stop. Maybe I was semi possessed or I was still not fully back in my body and I was going to have to fight with the ultimate power, or spirit to let me come back fully. And fully functioning. Last night, I fought it out while I slept sweating profusely, waking up to this reality again, every time I woke up from a major fight it was like I was coming out of water, coming back into this dimension.

Today, I woke up feeling semi back to normal and I want to bow down and kiss the ground ever 3 feet. Obviously, be really, really, really careful with this stuff. Not everyone is made the same some of us may have far reaching... underlying issues. Maybe many and this stuff may spin you completely out of control past fifteen minutes.

^^^
This.

I'm sorry you are experiencing integration issues.

Serotonin syndrome brought on by MDMA isn't a possibility unless you had also taken an MAOI, and while this can be very serious, I don't believe it's something which will trigger psychotic breaks. You don't have brain damage, nor have all of your life questions been answered. You've just had an experience that you are having a hard time dealing with in the aftermath.

You're not wired for this stuff. Not everyone is, and there's no shame at all in admitting you're not. Now you know, and there's no need to ever put yourself through it again.

Be well.

Thanks for the reply.

It is so strange though, after having been fighting to integrate the experience for days that valium would bring me back. I wonder what I was experiencing, maybe I really was schizophrenic for those days or at least anxiety that was creating hallucinations, faces in everything, moving patterns sort of thing. I just could not believe it was real. I had a lot of questions going in, I feel like many of my questions at least were answered. In a dreadful, profound, beautiful way.

The only reason I felt as though it was serotonin syndrome is that I had really bad muscle twitching, muscle rigidity, constant panic. The kind I have only ever experienced on high doses of acid. But, at least those went away after a few hours on acid.

Let me ask you, do you feel DMT trips while sleeping. Visuals and all. And when you have a breakthrough is it as though you are on a mild LSD trip a day or days after taking the plunge?

Why are you on valium? Are there other psychological issues you're dealing with? If so, taking DMT, then MDMA, then valium, and who knows what else -- might be the reason you feel out of control.

Try being sober for awhile and see how you feel. Maybe in the future, after the other issues are addressed, you can begin explorations again.

Neuroplasticity is probably an important underpinning in this issue. That is to say when a brain uses certain connections more and more, those nerve receptors become more easily activated and may "fire" spontaneously. This isn't just true of DMT or the psychedelic experience, but of "experience" in general.

I have an anxiety problem. I do not take meds for this problem, instead I usually drink a little. When I was a child I fell off the top of two story bleachers and was in a coma for days. For some reason that created a traumatic experience, my parents said I was never the same. I have had panic issues.

I have had depression so bad that have triggered psychedelic like experiences. This is actually how I came to DMT. I wanted to find out if this was the thing that caused it... especially because I did not believe in the soul, or any higher form of power.

I felt like doing this, breaking through, would help heal that problem, by facing my fears. Haha, oh boy.

The valium was the thing that took this all down with in minutes. Even today things still have that sheen to them, lights in the city are super bright, but all of the panic is gone.

Sounds to me like under your circumstances Dmt is the last thing you should be messing with.

C,

It sounds like you had an immensely powerful experience that shook you to your core.

To say it was without value, is foolish...and look, already it has humbled you. AND you sound like you have a good circle of friends, willing to support you through such trauma. P.S. little Valium can be a great aid during a freaky trip, I had always meant to keep one in my pocket next time I do any long-acting psychedelic, especially in a high stress/public environment like NYC.

I am of the opinion that you should not turn your back on DMT forever; it is known that many users, myself included, "for some reason" tend to wait weeks, if not months/years between trips..

Maybe, instead of going to the extreme and getting gung-ho with the most powerful psychedelic on earth anytime soon again, concentrate on the "little things" that tend to make us happy, whether we like it or not. I.e. diet, exercise, sunlight, sex, animals, family, etc.

Yes, it was the experience I needed. I am not exactly sure why it happened in the way it did but I am super grateful for it. It tore me apart and showed me all the ways I need to be a better human, that it is miraculous to be here. And that family and friends are the most important thing in life. Channel light, not darkness. But, did not want to believe it is true it is was forced through me. That it is real.

I am the sort that thought there are no consequences to suicide. I learned that I cannot go out like Hunter S. Thompson, write a letter and off myself at sixty five just because. I never thought that sort of thing could be real to be made to bow to an ultimate power in a way like that. So, vivid and unexplainable. Makes me realize that I was toying around with the candy coated part of this drug. Which is nothing like delving in deep. I will keep my share around but I might not do this again for many years because who knows what the ultimate powers will do to me if I do not make some of the changes they insinuated I make through in a way I could never have imagined could be real. I know it is going to be fine now, but it feels like I am very changed and have these strange powers that I could hope start to fade away.

Sure do, most times I dream these days it begins with DMT-like visuals and ends the same way.

I'm with Global on this one. I notice for a few days to a week after a trip my visual field is somewhat trippy, I can enter a pseudo-psychedelic state. This can happen when I am stressed, as well. The chemicals don't necessarily make your brain act differently, but let it. And when the chemicals aren't around, the connections made with the chemical can still be accessed to a degree. Take time, and I'm sure your brain will begin functioning normally again.

As for integration, well, you'll definitely need to give it more than just a few days. I had a DMT trip back in September I'm still unwinding. It can be a long, tough process. It can be scary. DMT usually scares the hell out of me. This is why "normal" folks might think we are nuts, because they are too scared to take such a profound look into themselves. It can be rough.

I don't know if it's wise to do heavy sets of psychedelics any more, especially with your childhood brain injury. It seems you may be prone to this kind of episode. If I went though what you did, I'd probably lack the balls to touch the stuff again.

Just give it time, and you'll work this thing out, and probably be better for it.

I'm still dealing with integration issues from my last dose last weekend. Today I had trouble controlling my anger. Work has been stressful for the last two weeks. I def can tell that I have a slight disconnect from this world that wasn't there before. It just takes time. Don't rush it. I can definitely relate to feeling like you've gone insane.

I have also been having dreams where I'm breaking through. Or already there. They are almost as intense as the experience itself. I'm confused about what that is all about. I don't think they are their own experience, I'm reliving part of the one I already had. But last nights DMT dream was a little different. It was... More. I can't really explain it. My dream recall is much worse than my DMT recall, which is pretty good.

Last nights DMT dream has definitely effected me today. I had a couple emotional spills. I found myself singing happy songs when this would happen. All automatically. I found this strange.

I deal with the same thing too. What my Psych professor said in class one day makes perfect sense. He said that for some reason the general concession is that if someone has anxiety or depression then that means that they are weak. And if they had a stronger will then they can will themselves into normalcy. But the thing is is that depression or anxiety, or any other brain disorders, are brain chemistry problems, and not something that you can will away.

Maybe through meditation you can get your brain chemistry back to normal, but if you are self medicating with alcohol or extacy or whatever else your brain chemistry will always be out of whack. I'd say try some anti-anxiety medication for a few months, and then ween yourself off them the last month. It helped me with my anxiety.

As anyone suffering from anxiety knows is that the anxiety is always there, but it isn't crippling. I truly think that when the chemicals in your brain kick into gear it is hard to stop them. Kinda like diverting a river. It takes work, but it can be done.

^ not everyone that has depression or anxiety has it due to some chemical imbalance alone. Usually the chemical unbalance is because of emotional trauma that is causing it. If you become sad after having your gf break up with you yeah you have a chemical imbalance, but that is the natural process. In order for you to feel that emotion due to loss your body has to change the amounts of certain chemicals that are produced to create that effect. Hence chemical imbalance. Hence the willing away of the emotion. I have issues with people referring to it as a chemical imbalance cause the way I see it your chemistry during the time of severe depression due to emotional trauma is actually in balance. That's how your body works.

Now if you have some sort of disorder that's different.

I've heard many people talk about using Valium to help ease a bad trip. I don't see how this is any different then what OP is using it for. It's even used during scientific studies when actually dosing people with psychedelics. They have it on hand just in case.

I've had things like this...its fairly normal. The dmt dream part is especially common. many people report it after they start using dmt



neuroplasticity is probably relevant

many people have experiences of psychedelic states while 'sober' after having a lot of experiences with these plants and substances. Life just gets more intense and strange, and you can get to some far out places, or in some trouble at times. For some reason, some people are different and experience these 'after effects', for lack of a better word, whether 'good' or 'bad', much quicker than other people and to different degrees of intensity and anxiety

if your that intensely sensitive to it, and it sparks such profound anxiety, then i would probably take a break for a while at the least. And if you decide to get back into that area, start slow and be cautious

Definitely. Next time, if I ever do. I mean it is hard not to because this drug is the most amazing thing I have ever encountered. But, I doubt I will try to breakthrough and take small doses instead.

Also, I will make sure to dose to peaceful ambient music. Analord was not the best decision. The whole long experience began with spice blasting my world apart to Analord. And I gotta say... it was awesome at first until I was sucked through like a magnet, through the dimensions, exploding and then all of my molecules imploded... and my last bit of consciousness popped and that was it. Then it got scarier in a way where I woke up in a new frightening reality to some ultimate sinister power.

It can cause anxiety and depression, especially in the beginning. If you go into it with high levels of anxiety, it will only make it worse. DMT can blast everything else in your mind and body away, except anxiety, if you let it. But once you 'let go', it all becomes pure beauty and bliss. DMT is not for someone when his or her mind is already in a weakened state. For example, my worst DMT experiences were being dumb and thinking that it was a good idea to smoke some after 10 or so beers. My brain was too weak at that point to handle the power surges, I thought for sure that I had accidentally killed myself, I did not see much or anything, just felt like I had committed suicide when I did not want to, harrowing.

Funny you say that. Ive not had a psychedelic drug in around 9 months due to location and ive been really stressed the last few weeks with work, just overworking really and the last few days ive been looking at the world and its went heavy trippy a few times, as if its going to all kick off like the start of acid and it doesnt its weird, funny you say that because thats exactly whats been happening to me the last two weeks! Interesting