Last night I had the most amazing experience. After the trip I spent hours trying to integrate what happened, but I feel like it's slipping away from me already, so I'll write it down.

My relationship with DMT up until now has been kind of sketchy. I had smoked small doses on 3 occasions, but the set and setting was not perfect and I was afraid of taking the plunge. All I had gotten so far was some cool looking fractal visuals.

I spent the afternoon yesterday cleaning the house, and my mind, preparing for a psychedelic journey. I decided to take a low dose of mushrooms and smoke some cannabis, I had no plans on doing DMT. I drank a cup of tea made from 1.5g of P. Weilii mushrooms (which are quite potent). About an hour later I smoke some cannabis and start to get some light OEVs.

I then had the urge to get out my DMT kit. For some reason, the fear that I had felt towards DMT was completely diminished in my beshroomed state. I thought to myself "maybe I will go a bit further, I want to see what this stuff is all about". At this point I still had no plans on breaking through.

I loaded up 20mg DMT into my mini-machine and started taking small hits. Once I got into the headspace, I had this feeling that I was being given permission to explore further, a feeling I hadn't gotten the first few times I tried DMT. This was the first sign that something amazing was about to happen.

I then loaded another 30mg into my machine and took the plunge. The smoke was thick in my lungs, the second I hit the pipe I knew it was going to be the big one. This was it, there was no going back.

I looked around my room and saw reality begin to dissolve. Within a few seconds, my entire reality was gone and I felt like I was travelling through A fractal tunnel. I immediately felt a strong female presence. I had the feeling that this presence was very loving and accepting. This presence started to take form visually into a blue energy.

I watched this blue energy for a minute. I was captivated. The blue energy started to morph and I saw what I could only describe at the time as a "blue goddess". She was dancing, in a mysterious cosmic way. I have seen this dance on previous deep mushroom and LSD trips, I call it "the eternal cosmic dance". (Note: After my trip I did googled- "blue dancing goddess" and was greeted by pictures of the Hindu goddess Shiva, who looks remarkably similar to the entity I saw, and she is even called "The cosmic dancer". Will research this later)

So I watched Shiva dance for a minute. All the while I'm still flying through the fractal tunnel. All of the sudden I break through into a room. It feels quite large. The walls are made of fractals and the fractal chaos is all around me. I won't try and describe the room any more than that because I fell that words wouldn't do it justice.

This is when it hit me. I felt like I was viewing the true nature of reality, but I was in some kind of limited room because I was only a human and didn't have the eyes to see or whatever.

I was struck by immense joy and love. I felt that "god" (some type of universal cosmic mother) had given me some type of "secret" on the true nature of reality. That my whole life had been leading up to this point. Tears of joy streamed down my face. I laughed at the beauty and complexity of the universe. I felt the most amazing feeling, it was like a combination of love, joy, peace, understanding, acceptance, and pure physical ecstasy. I was in awe.

After coming down a bit I realized that during my whole trip, my eyes had been open and my face stuck in a look of awe and amazement. Afterwards I couldn't get the smile off my face for at least 30 minutes.

All in all it was the most powerful and moving experience of my life. Afterwards, I lay in bed for hours trying to understand what I had just been shown. How can I live my life the same way knowing what I know now?

Even now, only 12 hours since my trip, the whole experience feels like "gold dust slipping through your fingers" I wish that I could capture it and hold onto it forever. I need to explore further.

Thank you to everyone on the Nexus. You all gave me the knowledge I needed to have this amazing experience. Thank you so much. I feel like I have finally found my Path.

Yup...thats a breakthrough mate! Congrads.


Now just imagine this. There is no bottom to the caldera of hyperspace it exists without limits other than the creativeness and depth of your mind consciousness.
The few times over my year I've been tempted to feel Its peaked out, there is nothing past this point I was shown the error in this thought.

You can spend hundreds of journeys traversing through this hyper labyrinth and reach the door at the end of the hall feeling that's all she wrote only to open that door and see the vista of an even larger more complex realm.

Sounds absolutely profound. I certainly would love to experience that. Did you experience any pre flight anxiety when you had that moment "This is it, no turning back"?

Yes, profound is a good word for it.
I believe that the mushroom tea I drank lowered my inhibitions, so I didn't have the usual pre-flight anxiety. I did however experience a few seconds of "oh my god am I dying" and "did i take too much" just after smoking. When I broke through into the room, all fear passed and was replaced with love.

Amazing! I wish the best to you and your travels my friend.

One the of the best 'first breakthrough' stories I've read. I almost cried; I felt right there with you.

That was truly amazing brotha.

That's just beautiful!

Nice, I rejoice in your vision! Man, I never tire of these inspiring, entheogenic epiphanies. Thank you for sharing. And I think it's fair to say that your breakthrough will lead to many other breakthroughs, perhaps, even deeper and more spiritually meaningful. Or is that even possible? Yes, I believe it is most probable. Is there a ceiling to the force of spiritual awakening? Nope.... at least none that I have ever seen, felt or even remotely sensed.

Breaking through is an immense experience... but after all, what do we actually "break through"? We essentially discard our old patterns of subject-object cognition, thus escalate our awareness beyond and through, the limiting boundaries of our own mind-set. We embrace the shift in our awareness which opens us up to new, heretofore hidden horizons.

We effectively transcend our personal samskaras, our ignorance, our accumulated mental fixations... which act as membranes which separate ourselves as isolated individuals, from complete conscious unity with the immensity of the Universal Being. We break through the self imposed blindness which keeps us from perceiving of God in it's formless, indivisible glory. This forward momentum opens a view into our own soul nature, as it nurtures an awakening to the beating within our own Sacred Heart. One Love.

Your vision of Nataraja, "The Dancing Shiva", is one I have also seem on psychedelic journeys, as well. Shiva is the Hindu God of destruction and/or transformation, and as such, is a part of the trinity of Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva (creator, preserver and destroyer). Indian paintings do depict him with very long hair and no trace of a beard at all. Plus, the red lipstick and heavy mascara does kinda make him look somewhat like a woman, as is the case with most Hindu devotional imagery. But what's the difference... and who really cares about a deity's sex, when the Omni-consciousness is all that is vital and meaningful for our spiritual growth?

While Shiva is considered the male counterpart to Shakti, the feminine principle of life force (or wild, natural, kundalini energy) which inarguably animates all of material, astral and causal existence. But IMO, and it is just an opinion, gender is meaningless on any plane other than the physical one. Perhaps as grand archetypical principles, they have value for our understanding but I truly believe we are all genderless fulcrums of conscious-awareness and no any different on the inside.

We fabricate much of the divisions between male and female with our conceptual projections, which are ingrained by society at large. In other words, if you perceive of Nataraja as the Mother or as the Father.... it's really the same energy dancing throughout this infinite cosmos (and it naturally follows, that you/I/we are each and every one of us... that unified field of energy).

May your voyages into Hyperspace be ever filled with new insights, realizations and it is my deepest wish that you are able to awaken to the Sacred essence in all things, in all places, throughout all of your perceptions of the passing of time. Although time itself, is one of the biggest illusions we experience as 3-dimmensional, organic entities. If we can but pause our linear thought process long enough, we glean something of the timelessness of the living presence. Ever-changing, yet, always this same moment of here & now... the present, an eternity in the making.

May your dance with the beatific Nataraja be endlessly blissful and enlightening! Let it become the vacuum which absorbs you in to the radiance of the Omniversal.

cool image Rising Spirit ,

also congratulations on your breakthrough a.lurker

Great report. im just planing myself to have some spice when i do shrooms next time. Its tough for me to go over just with spice. Last time i shroomed i wantet some dmt but i didn´t have any . i´m hoping 25-30 mg should do the trick with some newly grown shroom the

a.lurker,

Wow - great report on a wonderful experience. Thank you so much for sharing that.

How can you live your life knowing what you know now? Mindfully right? Remember the lessons of love and connection from the other world. And relish the input of your senses in this one. Eat good nutritious meals, sleep regularly, get laid or jerk off, go hiking in nature, meditate, get some exercise, volunteer at a soup kitchen, etc. etc. etc. And do it all with that secret smile that many of us have and relish.

Again, great report for a wonderful experience. Thanks so much.

P.S.: I'd really love to see you post an Introduction Essay. You write quite well and an introduction essay with a link to this report might very well begin the process to getting you the yes votes needed for promotion to regular membership.

Nicely written up a.lurker, and welcome to the nexus!

I too went to a room in which the walls were fractals on my second breakthrough, it is truly something beyond words, the only thing that is remotely close to it is this DMT-Nexus banner by guyomech:

https://www.dmt-nexus.me/banners/Guyomech.jpg

I really enjoyed to read your experience.
Once on ayahoasca, eyes closed, I saw this feminine figure too, with floating golden hair as if she was under water.
She was in front of some sort of water crystal shaped door, smiling at me and inviting me to enter by waving her index finger in my direction.
I couldn't believe I was actually seeing that, remember to think "this can't be real" and at this moment she waved her head in yes manner...
I hesitated and opened my eyes.

That's amazing. I saw the same thing, but without the DMT. I'm a frequent astral traveler but I've been reading into DMT because I was thinking maybe it would help me get to the next level. In one of my astral experiences I saw a goddess dressed in blue, who I viewed as Mary because she wears a blue robe, and she was dancing, in a mystical kind of way, like, wavy, telling me "I'm not just a statue that you sing to; I am very much alive." And she did me a big big favor the next day. I never made the connection to Shiva also being a blue dancer until I read your post.

I'm starting to think it's important that I am here. So I can compare my experiences with those achieved by DMT. Some say "Oh, those people are just tripping on drugs and trick themselves into believing they are having true mystical experiences." But in one of the very first posts I read here, I find something amazing in common, a shared experience that leaps out at me, then I think that proves something.

I was advised on closed eyes on my first experience, which I agree with, after experiencing the ceremony. Open eyes is apparently reserved when one has more experience. I would like to try open eyes in nature sometime. I haven't really experienced blue energy - maybe a little on low-doses of changa (more the blue spectrum of light though) - although I have read it is the intrinsic colour of ayahuasca. Checkout what T McKenna has to say about it. He & his brother, Dennis, felt it was the healing Spirit of ayahusaca, before Terrence's passing. I also haven't experienced any female energy with sacred spice - the Spirit for me was masculine and alien/insectoid/human form. Sacred mushrooms, IMO, are a good idea to combine with sacred spice if it feels right + when one is in a space where one can meditate deeply without distractions. They seem to synergise from what I've read and the dmt atmosphere I find similar. I also cried tears of joy as you did. Have you tried Salvia, btw?

a.lurker- Nice report! I too have encountered a blue, dancing feminine spirit in my latest breakthrough, which was about 1 month ago. I have a question for you, since you indicated that your trip went well beyond this encounter and into even greater realms: Did you in some way form a union/ join with with this spirit during your contact? The reason I ask is because the one aspect of my own trip that I brought back more clearly than anything else was the communication I had with this spirit. It basically told me that she was an aspect of my true and whole being that I have not yet reconciled with in my waking life, and that is why I viewed her as seperate from myself. She went on to tell me that our union was absolutely assured, that victory is certain- but it wasn't going to happen this time. My trip went no further at this point, but I did continue to enjoy the presense of this spirit.

Anyways I really enjoyed your report! I enjoy reading ones that have overlap with my own encounters and teachings.

@A Verb - an experienced friend has intimated that one of the secrets to the sacred spice (& probably ayahuasca) would be a merging of selves - one's own with the self of the Spirit of the plant.

I really enjoyed reading all of your comments on my experience. I'm glad to be able to share it with others who will appreciate it.

@A Verb - After my breaking through into the fractal room I was "given a message". I wouldn't say I was merged with the feminine energy. At the time (being my first breakthrough) I thought it couldn't get much more intense but after some contemplation I believe that I can go much further. At my furthest point I was still a "self", I had some identity. I want to experience oneness with the cosmic love force.

@ObsidianKnife - I have tried Salvia. I was young at the time and new to entheogens. When I smoked it I had a pretty negative body load, felt like pins and needles all over my body. That discouraged me from trying it again.

I plan on journeying further but not for a while. And next time it will be ayahuasca, as I want to spend more time in the spirit world. I'm having a hard time waiting!! But it will be worth it.

Yes, with Salvia there are pretty strange/uncomfortable bodily sensations as I would like to describe as one's spirit leaving one's body. I have a friend who doesn't go further than the plain leaf because of this. I would suggest it is worthwhile trying to breakthrough again - maybe an extract experience (where the bodily sensations are usually level 1 before breakthrough, where one tends to not feel one's body thereafter) in a conducive environment with an experienced sitter may facilitate a unique contact with the Spirit of the plant which I have so much respect for and which holds such a special place in my heart. Personally, I have never met a Plant Teacher like the Shepherdess before. I haven't gone into the space for a very long time (so sacred), but I think alot about Her as I grow the plant.