So, I went to see a friend today, she was the first person I smoked DMT with, she happened to have some Changa. I've wanted to go back to the DMT space recently, but something has been telling me I need to be more grounded in this place first, or I just wasn't sure.
I was incredibly incredibly anxious before smoking the changa tonight, upon hitting the pipe I felt an instant buzz, the vibrations starting to tingle through me, a ringing sound in my ears and a slight ripple of reality fading throughout the room, then nothing happened.. I waited 30-40 seconds then hit another huge hit on the pipe, not frustrated at this point, the buzzing and other usually feelings intensified 10x fold but still, nothing happened no break through, although what I have to describe now is something I cannot really explain.
It felt as though someone put a very large heavy hand or object on my chest and it pushed me down, as if to say 'LISTEN'. What were originally my own thoughts became me being spoken to, it told me I needed to learn to love myself more in this place and I belonged in this place for the time being, it told me I would not get answers to the questions I was seeking in the DMT space and told me that I AM and all others are GOD and that females are the 'Adversary' or opposing creator to the male form.
Many thoughts have been passing through my head tonight, I simply cannot explain or begin to reationalise what it was I was told, I was completely in this reality, my friend still obviously in the room, no visuals (some closed eye but nothing too intense, very faint vortex like visuals and seeing the cross/wheel of life in arm life forms, mantra etc) the music from my phone seemed a little louder but in general, the experience felt very much like I was being told to sit down and listen, accept and let go of the questions I have and live my life and through doing so I would be given answers.
Another very serious lesson learned from DMT that I cannot explain... it told me I could go back when I wanted too but not at that moment, it just wasn't the correct time.
The stranger part is, some of this changa has followed me home and is in my pocket, and it followed me willingly, was given willingly... I cannot explain it.
One can drive himself to madness in the obsessing goal of reason, without the knowledge of love and laughter.