Hello all,
I am away from my usual environment since the beginning of the year, as in, I am in another country due to an activity which is meant to complete at the end of this year, and as such have been also away from all psychedelics since last year. As such, all I have is my meditation and music listening in the very few hours of rest I have every other week. I am having a very hard schedule, but also enjoying plenty of fresh air, excellent food - I am in a mountain area.
I've said this in order to share the context of what happened, because it happened one night as I was sleeping, and not during a trip as the stories on the Nexus usually are about. If I would have never experienced psychedelics, I would have said to myself 'wow, I had a really really really strange *dream*'. However, knowing a bit more, I am concluding that this was no mere dream, to the point where it prompted me to write here.
First of all, I am quite convinced that this was not a dream, but an actual communication/meeting with some real entities which are not me or manifestations of my subconscious. The reason why I am claiming this, is that the 'dream' had no qualities of a dream, but all the attributes of a mushroom trip, where everything was about the feelings, the general atmosphere, the ups and downs. I've had before 2-3 similar 'dreams' but this one was different due to the intensity, clarity, and the fact that actually spoke to somebody else.
3/4 of the event it was an ongoing attempt to establish a communication protocol which manifests in the fact that I wasn't realising what I was seeing or doing. Now I can say that there were many previous attempts and I simply couldn't understand it.
Now that I've been grinding this domain for a few years it got more instinctual/automatic on how to work with feelings and was able to get over a certain treshold?
The whole thing is filled with metaphors as any communication, visuals or messages have to be in a format that you can relate to otherwise you wouldn't be able to "see" them.
So, I was going through some adventures that I don't remember now and I kind of hate myself for that, and at some point there was an epiphany moment of "hold on a second, this seems familiar" and then realised that this feels exactly like a mushroom trip but this time I'm not dealing with things from my brain/ego/mind and it is at this point that the "entities" showed themselves but everything was done in a very controlled manner in order for me to not loose track of what's happening.
I realise that the problem is that as soon as you start using the brain the connection gets blurry.
So everything was metaphores that I could understand but the entities showed themselves in the closest format that they are that I could also see (understand).
The whole point of the event was, I think, for me to realise that indeed they are there and there is a whole different world above.
But one big message came through which is that it is crucial and of most importance to do your best to understand as much as possible and to use intelligence to the extreme and push the boundaries of knowledge in order to get over a certain treshold, because only after this treshold they will be able to assist and pull you further. If you don't make it to the treshold then they will not interfere and this is the way of their "god" called "Eluminem" and I remember the phrase "This is why we will always listen to Eluminem, and never to Nepur". Nepur being translated in "the pure one" which I think relates to
another "god" that believes that no assistance of any kind should ever be provided.
As soon as I started to "save" into the brain this information (there was more but I couldn't remember it) they told me that I have about a minute left and, true story, I woke up quite violently as, in the "dream" I wanted to dodge something that broke through a wall on my left, only to find myself waking up whilst turning quickly in bed and
nearly fell, if not for the big bed.
Before all this came to an end, immediately after I realised that this is no mere dream I saw the "souls" of my parents and they were the same parents that I have now, but young, ageless, and very calm.
But the main point is that someone extra was in the "room" and as soon as I saw him I realised that it is my brother, a younger brother, that is not present within the universe and misses me but he didn't come with me, probably because I told him to not to, because apparently I did something which was frowned upon by the entities, not sure what...
So ya, there's that, and not sure what to do with it, but for the first time, when I woke up from the "event" I didn't feel alone because I knew I have a brother that I care about very much, but I can't remember anything, don't even know his name and now can't even
see the scene about how he looks like, just that he was younger than me.
I have to mention that in 'real life' I am a single child.
Now it's about a week later and I feel very crappy and 'lost' and depressed. (Started feeling bad mentally in the past months, physically on the other hand I am doing better and better). Not planning to, but was flirting with the idea that it really wouldn't be any loss if I would kill myself. Even chose the technique - bash my head against a wall, only I'm worried what if I pass out before getting the job done. Why struggle with life so much, it doesn't seem to bring anything good and nothing gets better without a ton of effort which makes it not worth it when looking back. I am saying all this with a sense of humour: I am not suicidal, but I wouldn't feel too bad if I would die accidentally tomorrow.
I know, as I learned from my trips that overall, in the grand scheme of things, everything is fine, life is wonderful, love etc etc etc. but what good is it to me now and 99% of the time when I don't remember why it's fine, I don't see why and how it's fine...
Anybody wants to offer any thoughts about the dream?