Spice has been so healing for me, but the "controller" does not want to let go.
My controller was created to defend against crazy parents whom I was afraid for my life from.
I see intellectually this controller is outdated and in need of transformation but... fear for my life ect makes it so hard to journey. Journeys so far have been so positive it really points out my insanity.
Anyone else dealing with this kinda stuff?

IMHO, there are only two types of people who aren't dealing with this "kinda stuff":

- People who have yet to experience the intensity of a full breakthrough
- People who have a terrifying hyperspace experience lying on the other side of their next inhalation, and will eventually be joining the rest of us in dealing with this fear

I'm sorry you had to defend yourself against your parents. No one should have to go through what you did, and I wish you much healing. I'm sure I could never begin to understand.

However, I can assure you that you would still have this fear, even if you had the most perfect childhood imaginable.

I've experienced many breakthrough, and I still deal with this fear. The key is transforming the negative, anxious energy into respect and humility. If you are not on any prescription medications and have done the proper research, I would suggest changa if you haven't already. I think there is much more learning and healing with changa than freebase, but that is just my opinion.

If you do experiment with changa, try embracing the fear instead of trying to find ways to mitigate it. Dig into the fear/anxiety, and try to find its source. Changa allows you to slowly dip yourself into hyperspace, which gives you time to work through all the negative energy you may have built up, so you can enter hyperspace with a clear conscience and a sound mind.

Sorry for the rant. I hope that helps. Peace and Happy Journeys