(Full moon; opening ritual of room smudging; medicine wheel and prayers. Intention set.)
1st Break-Through:
SWIM sat and inhaled the 3rd pull. Blackout, a moment of black no-thing-ness. Twisted edgy visuals and an increasingly uncomfortable sensation began. SWIM realised then that life was ending, there was a gut wrenching sinking feeling and no breath. Life flashed by in an upwards motion as SWIM began to sink into the ground, feeling an enormous pressure on the face. Felt like eternity.
(To boyfriend watching, this was about 3 seconds where SWIM was sitting one moment then dropped like a stone the next!)
SWIM was being pushed into the ground all the way under and full circle back up again. Saw a face (boyfriend), said "its you!". Had no idea who you, me, or I was, but knew somehow the energy being behind the face.
As breathing began, eyes opened and a world of life and energy opened up. Apparently SWIM stood up and tried to walk off a couple of times in this space. Sat down and creation began. A primal voice flew out of SWIMs mouth, a full spectrum of noises began. Touched another's face as well as own, but could not understand skin or the outer sensations.
The cosmic serpent of life-force appeared and entered SWIM through the root chakra. This caused SWIM to touch that place and to remove any clothing that was in the way (!!). At the same time SWIM reached out for the other being (boyfriend) and tried to remove his clothing...
The all consuming feeling was an immense force through the core of SWIMs body which SWIM had to follow, somehow.
SWIM tried to initiate penetration and realised that that was not 'it'. There was intermittent kissing with boyfriend (even though SWIM did not have a mouth or lips or...), boyfriend initiated tantric breathing (partner breathe into others mouth, other inhale and visa versa). When this happened the visuals changed and incorporated sacred symbols. When our 2 bodies were in alignment, SWIM saw the energy of that union and felt how it increased.
Searching for the access point to the strong physical feeling caused by serpent energy (life-Force), SWIM moved from sex to kissing, still not the answer. By now SWIM began to find language rather than the shamanic/cavewoman noises. Finally SWIM realised that 'it' was the breath. A dawning realisation that the breath was the ultimate union with another, and of course life itself.
Death and rebirth was fully experienced - these words do not come close to what was felt.
SWIM is left feeling very surprised by how physical a journey can be, the whole thing was active. It was primal and creation, animal and human.
How can you go into another realm completely lose your 'self' and reality, yet, recognise another?
Interesting!
Thanks for listening
