I had put this as a reply in a different part of the forum and then realized as much as I've been posting lately I haven't actually made a topic for my own 'first steps into hyperspace' so that's what I'm doing now. It's quite long so I apologize for that but there is so much to say!
First some background on me briefly. I'm 26 years old and when I was 10 I was put into a devote Christian school. You would think the transition from public to private school would be easier than having it be the other way around, but it just wasn't. You see, how can I explain this, before I went to this school the light of innocence hadn't left me I guess you could say. I still saw life with the sense of wonder and joy that comes from being a child, however from the minute I started attending this school until my psychedelic experience years later, I was immersed in a doctrine of guilt and judgment.
I was told from my first day at school that 'god' (the Christian god) didn't really like me the way I was because I did bad things. They didn't tell me what these bad things were at first (oh but did they later!), just that from the day I was born until the day I died god was beligerent with my existence. I apparently had offended him in some great way that required saving from a 3rd party. Enter the whole Jesus-saves-you-from-your-sins aspect of Christianity. At my school, you were outcasted if you didn't claim Jesus as your lord and personal savior, so from year one at this school I was brainwashed into this kind of thinking pattern.
It was at this point that I lost that light of childhood innocence. No longer was I living a life of carefree existence, no now something was required of me, a belief system. I had to follow an order established by my peers and teachers if I was going to be accepted and well liked, thus began my life of misery. I actually remember the night I lost my childhood, when I fell from innocence (this night was recollected to me on a trip so I know this to be the starting point of my path into hell).
It went sort of like this. I was lying in bed sleeping on the top bunk trying to fall asleep. I had never (except as an infant) had trouble sleeping, but this specific night I could not fall asleep for I was afraid. It felt as if the darkness of my room was alive and it was swallowing me up. I heard voices, saw things in the shadows, and from that moment on I swore my life to Jesus and that I'd 'just be a good boy if god could make it all go away!'. Well... it did go away. Everything went away after that night and I no longer knew what it meant to be a child. I only realized after the trip I mentioned above that I had misinterpreted what was happening to me that night. That the voices and feeling I heard was a warning
AGAINST the path I was starting on, the path of blind obedience to a religious order. However, I had already heard all the stories of the bible about Satan and how he could spread lies, so I felt I was being attacked. It's ironic as I reflect on it now that sometimes the things we are the most afraid of are actually the things we should be running towards for sometimes they are the only things that can save us, but I digress.
Let's fast forward a good deal to my 20's. Because of my upbringing, I did not drink, smoke, or do any kind of drug until I was 22 when I had my first alcoholic beverage. I still refused to do things like smoke pot or do any other kind of drug until I ended up dating this horrible woman when I was 23 lol. The stress of that relationship made me seek out any form of relaxation I could find and living in a house full of pot heads, it wasn't long before I took my first (of many
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) tokes.
Marijuana did something that nothing else had ever done to me prior to this point: it relaxed my thinking so that everything seemed possible. I would get stoned and think about tons of stuff and for the first time the religious weights of Christianity seemed to become lighter. I remember thinking to myself 'well... why wouldn't Jesus smoke this shit? Didn't his father in heaven
MAKE the stuff? People would have understood him
A LOT better if he passed a joint around before he went into all those parables...'
It was at this point in my life that I began to see a correlation between altered states of conciousness and the connection it had with the divine (at this point my hypothesis was that certain chemicals may allow the mind to relax to a point where difficult spiritual concepts could be rationally understood). Somehow it seemed as if marijuana had become a catalyst that propelled my thinking into a realm of spiritual rationalism. Why became a question that both plagued me and freed me from a lot of bullshit. Why does god have to be judgmental if he could be anything he wanted? Didn't make sense to me while stoned. Why does he seek absolute total blind worship? Doesn't make sense either, that would get old to an eternal being. What is faith? Why are we taught to be logical in our society and yet its ok to allow absolute abandonment of logic when it comes to believing in something like Christianity? How can a loving and perfect god condemn us to eternal punishment for sins committed in a finite lifetime? If god created the sex drive and made it
SO powerful, how can he condemn us when we give into it? These and many, many other thoughts came to me while stoned.
After pot had lost its 'newness' to me, I started to contemplate if there might be another chemical, whether drug or something else, that would have an even more pronounced effect on my thinking, and it wasn't long before I heard from my close circle of friends that sometimes people who tripped on magic mushrooms would have spiritual experiences. I did a lot of research (and when I say a lot I mean
A LOT) and before long I managed to procure for myself a one ounce bag of shrooms to begin my spiritual experimentation.
OK! Now onto the good stuff and the reason your all here reading this topic!My Experiences with the DivineTrip #1: Surfing the Rainbow WaveI'll try to keep these relatively short although there is much to say about each trip. The first time I ever took shrooms I took an unweighted amount (which flies in the face of what I said about doing research beforehand although I didn't have scales and had a bit of a 'tough guy' approach to it my first time, def not recommended for beginners). I decided to share some shrooms with my girlfriend as she was an experienced tripper. We were sitting on the couch waiting for them to kick in watching a visualizer on my PC when all of a sudden I'm not me anymore. This came without warning and completely without 'me' noticing this had happened but I had become... for want of a description that fits into words... I had become a rainbow wave surfing over itself and I was convinced, and I mean
CONVINCED that this was heaven. The idea that 'I' had died or ever existed had no relevance to me at all. All that was there was this feeling and understanding that 'Yep. This is heaven. It's great! What of it?'. I mean this was
MIND-BLOWING stuff considering I had always been taught heaven was a city with white pearly gates watched over by St. Peter!! My girlfriend must have noticed I was gone and nudged me a little and when I came too I said 'baby... where the FUCK was I just now, was I dead??' She laughed of course, but I began by impulse to say a bunch of apology prayers to my Christian deity for claiming something induced by a drug was the official 'heaven'. This was totally a fear based response, however it ended up being rewarded in a curious sort of way. As I was saying this prayer asking for forgiveness for 'blasphemy', plain as day I saw a sillohette of a lizard-man walking through my wall. I only saw his backside and his giant tail so I couldn't see what it's face looked like (if it had one) however a voice permeated my thoughts with one word echoed loudly over and over again and that word was 'Magellan'...
Coming down off of that trip I was absolutely perplexed that such a clear message had been received and wondered about its possible implications. What had happened to me? What does a 15th century Spanish explorer have to do with my spiritual quest? It made no sense... until I dug further. When I google'ed Magellan the next day, I got a variety of returns one being the 15th century Spanish explorer which I had recognized, another for the GPS unit, etc. However there was one entry that caught my eye, it was an entry for the 1980's television program 'Eureeka's Castle'. I hadn't thought about that program in years, however I used to be addicted to it, it had been my favorite TV show at a really young age. I had this feeling that defies explanation and I can't put it into words for this post, but the feeling amounted to something like 'That's what you've been forgetting... wake up!'
Trip #2: The Lord of Eureeka's CastleI had the uncontrollable urge that I was supposed to trip again, so that weekend I was alone this time and did a similar sized dose to the one I had done previously. I was sitting on my bed this time watching the visualizer and as the trip came on I entered into a trance state. During this come up, I felt the distinct feeling like I was watching myself in the room, like the scene I was in was a television program that 'I' was watching. This is terribly peculiar and (as most things dealing with this topic) difficult to language but I'm sure some of you know what I mean by this. There was the 'me' (little me) I've always known just sitting there, and then there was this '
ME' (big me) that was
WATCHING little me in the room! And I have the perspective of both of them at the same time! Am I making that clear enough? Probably not but its a difficult thing to put into words.
Anyways little 'me' noticed big '
ME' watching and a sort of mental conversation developed. Having never had a telepathic conversation before, it took a long time for me to understand this was me talking with my higher self (which is god but we're still getting to that realization, for the story's sake I'm not there yet
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) It went sort of like this (not a total word-for-word recount but roughly the pattern of the conversation as I remember it now):
Little me: is... is there someone there?
Big me: See the problem with this one is he remembers he's perfect, but when he looks in the mirror he doesn't see that person and so he thinks he's lost, but he doesn't realize he's been right here the whole time!
Little me: wait, what?
Big me: Who told you about god?
Little me: uh... I don't know...
Big me: Did you always believe in god or did someone make you believe?
Little me: I don't... huh? What
IS this?
Big me: Not important. Think back as hard as you can... did you always think like this or was there a before?
Little me: I... wait... huh...? Was there... before?
Big me: Think! What about when you were a child watching Eureeka's Castle? Where was god then?
Little me: I didn't... think about it...
Big me: That's right... because you
knew then... but now you've forgotten...
At this point the conversation faded as did consensual reality. I was,
literally friends, transported directly to and placed inside an episode of
EUREEKA'S CASTLE!!! If any of you have ever seen this show or if you can youtube it you will see EXACTLY what I was shown and the funny thing was, once I was there, it was like a welcome home party! Magellan (the big green dragon from the show, possibly why I saw a lizardman on my previous trip) was there, Eureeka, Batly, all my old childhood cartoon characters were happy to see me and it was like they were all old friends who had been waiting for me to come home! As the trip was coming down and I had one foot in this reality and my other in Eureeka's Castle, I struggled to the floor and after I was there my concious mind was screaming at me 'find a pen, find a pen, write this down, write this FUCKING down...'. The only thing I could find was a felt marker, so I popped the top off of it and scribbled on my wall: 'this is... beyond god... no one knows this shit... religion is all made up... that's the real trip... this place is a dream that's all it is but why wake up? It's all so lovely here...'
This trip shattered my world (in the best possible way). So many questions arose from what happened that it completely altered the course of my life, forever. I abandoned religion as a spiritual course opting instead to study all religions as an academic pursuit to see if I could find an underlying consistency throughout them all (you'd be surprised how much they all have in common). This caused quite a bit of family stir, especially when I refused to continue going to church (my revelation that god somehow exists behind our closed eyelids did little to impress my devoutly catholic family). My poor girlfriend didn't understand my ravings when after this second trip I exclaimed to her over and over again 'I can understand infinity!'. So I turned to the internet as a companion on this strange path to god I had discovered and lo and behold who should I end up finding other than the late, great Terence McKenna, the psychedelic sage himself! I downloaded every single lecture and text available off of the McKenna website and listened to them all as his words seemed drenched in psychedelic wisdom.
One of the things that Terence talked about that peaked my interest greatly was when he discussed 'the Logos' of the mushroom experience. He even phrased it as a voice that presents itself to you and talks to you in the most peculiar way. Well, having
DEFINATELY had that experience, I figured this man whom I could never meet must have known what he was talking about! As an aside, I dare say that the further down the psychedelic rabbit hole I have went is the more and more I've found his teachings an invaluable resource, but I know we're probably all Terence fans here at the Nexus so I'll leave that as it is.
Trip #3: Rule #1The third time I took shrooms was again by myself and this time I was listening to techno music with my head phones on and lying on my bed when I started to peak. I felt myself become pressed against my bed, like we were merging or I was trying to pass through it or something. Something right around my third eye chakra began to feel like it was being sucked backwards. As I began to let go of my ego and embrace the ego-death experience, I heard a noise that really defies explanation. I described it in my journal at the time as 'sort of like that sound dial up internet used to make, but not really like that specifically, just by way of it being a nonsensical noise you can't repeat with just your voice'. As this noise comes to a cresendo, my reality shatters and I'm... underneath something? That's what it felt like at the time: that I was underground (or under the surface of our reality is a better way of putting it) but in any case I felt I was underneath something and that underneath this something was an infinate space filled or not filled with everything indescribable and unfathomable. As I am trying to desperately wrap my mind around the reality of what is going on, an entity appeared in my visual space. Now, to know me in waking life would know me to be quite the coward when it comes to aliens, ghosts, and the paranormal. If you've actually followed along this far (wouldn't blame a soul for just skimming this long ass post), then you know I made a pact with Jesus when I was 10 years old to 'just make it stop', so that might shine a light on how terrified I am of most things supernatural. However, this entity and it's appearance was so strangely familiar and so absolutely bizarre that I was quite comfortable in it's presence and it was... quite quirky in the way it presented itself to me. I'll paraphrase our exchange below in which I ask it about god:
Entity: This is always your problem! You're so busy trying to figure everything out that when you come here we can never do anything fun!
Tek: Uh... sorry... hey what can you tell me about it (god)...?
Entity: Not much. It doesn't translate well... but you can ask me and I'll see if I can answer!
Tek: So... what is god like?
Entity: Rule #1, are you ready? Let's take it from the top! Rule #1... who you are... can't be described!
--At this point, the entity in my field of vision began to dance in the most unbelievably spectacular way that words fail as descriptors here. After this entity would finish it's dance number, we would arrive at the same discourse only slightly altered, falling into what I later found out was a psychedelic 'loop' where I'm shown the same thing over and over and over again to be taught something--Tek: Ok! I think I'm starting to get it now! So god is sort of like a self-reflecting mirror who can only see one reflection at a time right?
Entity: Right! It's sort of like that but not really... rule #1, are you ready? Rule #1... who you are... can't be described!
--We went around and around for the entire trip like this until at the end of it as I was coming down I was frantic to get an answer and I believe my mania to get an answer prompted the entity to try a different approach, the last thing it said to me is written below--Entity: Just know everything is fine... and when you're feeling lost just ask yourself... where do you really think you are right now?
For those of you that are fans of the cartoon Futurama, there is an episode called 'Godfellas' where Bender gets lost in space and meets a galaxy he thinks is god. He asks it if it's god and the galaxy responds 'Yes. That seems likely.' Well, bender isn't happy with this response, so he phrases the question differently and posutlates 'well, maybe your not god, but the remains of a sattelite space probe that collided with god!' to which the galaxy responds 'Yes. That also seems probable.' This trip always reminds me of that episode because it's the way the entity and I talked, where I would guess at what I thought god was and the entity wouldn't say I was wrong, but wouldn't say I was 100% right either since god can't be described (which I think is the point of what it was trying to communicate to me).
After this trip a lot of things became clearer for me, yet more questions were raised. Who was the dancing mushroom entity who could talked with and danced for me? What was it really trying to tell me? It felt like he was trying to remind me of some great secret that I'm privy too but forgot about, and that secret seems to be nothing short of that fact that I'm god! But this seemed to fly in the face of everything I've ever known! They lock people up who believe that they're god right?
RIGHT??Trip #4 I am THAT I am!This was the ground breaking trip that defined all others as it was the complete, total understanding and merging with the god conciousness that is myself. Up until this point, I had not weighed my doses accurately as I stated above. Having finally purchased some scales by this trip, I weighed out a Terence prescribed 5g dose (which appeared to be
WAY more than I had ever done just by eye-balling it), consumed them on a slice of pizza, and waited out the build up phase. My girlfriend was back tripping with me too which is important for how this ended up turning out and the contributions she made.
Sooner than I had ever peaked, I found myself in hyperspace which at this point had become familiar enough to me that I could recognize it when I would pass into it, although this time it was a little different. I think I toured other realities in this trip, but it's hard to interpret what I mean by this because none of them were like this one and they all seemed to defy understanding. If I said that they all seemed like claymation, like those christmas cartoons for rudolph, santa claus, and frosty, those realities I toured had an aspect to them that reminded me of claymation. They were just of a definition of detail that this universe doesn't have I guess is all I can say about them.
At a certain point in the trip, I came to this 'area' of hyperspace that was an elaborate neon green. It was like a slowly spinning room made out of this green ethereal matter. In the center of this room in the area I percieved I had entered it from, was a tiny, marble like sphere I knew at the time to represent our universe. Before I could even contemplate how far one would have to go to achieve a vantage point of our universe being that small, I was approached by the same entity I had percieved in my previous trip (whom i had affectionately decided to call Teo after the aboriginal term for the mushroom deity Teonanactl). Teo hovered in my field of vision, slightly to my left side and revealed to me 4 other beings that had a similar appearance that he did (indeed, they could have been clones). A conversation was started ABOUT me, but not to me which was:
Four Beings: Is he ready to come with us?
Teo: (looks at me like he's studying me) No not yet, he's not through playing his game.
After this the four beings seemed to phase out through the green substance and I was left with Teo who seemed to be escorting me back to my reality. As I was coming back to it, I caught a glimpse of what my reality looks like from 'underneath' (if that makes sense) to where all time seems to be laid out in front of you with many differing branches and paths that would take one into a different universe. Teo communicated to me: 'this is the
All That There Is. These are your first steps... your baby steps...'
As I became aware of my room again, insight after insight began to poor into my skull. Teo was telling me all sorts of things, communicating with me from my purest essence that all I was experiencing was me. My environment and my body are not seperated by anything other than perception and indeed even other people were actually
ME (big me) in disguise! Teo told me it's like a joke I like to play on myself, like it's actually very fun to do this even if 'me' (little me) doesn't get it and thinks it's cruel sometimes.
I looked at my girlfriend who was doing yoga on the floor (she loves to do yoga while tripping). As I looked at her I asked Teo 'what about her? is she me also?' to which was relayed to my understanding 'yes. that which you love in her is what you really love in yourself, her body is just a vessel it's the same as yours'. At that moment of getting that psychic transmission, my girlfriend looked up at me and asked 'what's a vessel?'. This stunned me and I asked her why she wanted to know, and she said 'I dunno, I just had this thought like my body is just a vessel, but I don't know what the word vessel means!' We had a good laugh about that, but what a crazy synchronistic event that she would bring up that specific word at that
EXACT moment!
I turn to her eyes filled with tears and say 'I'm not who I thought I was... I can't believe I've been so foolish!' and she looked back at me and said 'baby... I love shrooms, I mean, I really do... but they do something else to you... something I've never seen before and I've tripped with a lot of people, y' know? It's like... it's like it's your salvation or something.'
Hearing these words spoken to me from her voice was like the skeleton key that unlocked a wellspring of emotional understanding from the deepest part of my inner world. It was like every molecule of hyperspace was laughing the best laugh they had ever had that 'the dummy had finally gotten it'! All that talk about religions and Christ dying on the cross, it was all an allegory to a salvation that I didn't know how to understand at the time. At that moment, every religion seemed like an elaborate tale that was trying to point me to this one truth, the only truth, that
I AM GOD!.
Conclusion: So what is being god like?So what is god like? I'm reminded of something Terence said but I forget who he was quoting at the time and that's 'the aeon is a child at play'. Truthfully this felt like what it was, that god was the most infant-like of all infants in his innocence. God has no form, he merely observes the forms that are a part of himself and it's this observation that brings life to our reality. What we percieve as 3D time and space is
NOT that at all. In some impossible to describe way, what we think of as life here on Earth is just a bunch of matter that god has constructed in a certain way to have a grand adventure through the character of me (little me). It's like what Alan Watt's says about god liking to play hide-and-seek with himself, to so immerse himself in his creation that he temporarily forgets who he is until, like the hero's journey, he is initiated and put on the path of return. Really, that's what life and death are to me now: a glorified representation of the hero's journey, where birth is our fall, our curiousity and psychedelic use is our initiation, and our death is our return to source.
To close, there was this game boy game I used to love as a child called The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening. Maybe some of you have played it, it was released back in the 90's. Anyways this game isn't like your standard Legend of Zelda title. In it, your Link who has been shipwrecked on an island outside of Hyrule. You meet a girl who tells you that the island is watched over by the Wind Fish and if you want to go home to Hyrule you must wake the Wind Fish. The whole adventure sees Link going through the hero's journey with an expected encounter with the Wind Fish. As the story comes to a close, you must fight the nightmares of the Wind Fish and play a song that wakes the dreaming fish. Once the fish awakens, it reveals that the island and adventure you were on were nothing but a dream and now that the adventure has come to an end, it's time for Link and the Wind Fish both to wake up. As the credits role, Link awakens on a piece of drifwood awash in the sea. He had made up his entire adventure... but it all felt so real!
Thanks for reading!!
All posts are from the fictional perspective of The Legendary Tek: the formless, hyperspace exploring apprentice to the mushroom god Teo. Tek, the lord of Eureeka's Castle, is the chosen one who has surfed the rainbow wave and who resides underneath the matter dome. All posts are fictitious in nature and are meant for entertainment purposes only.