The other day I had my first true experience with The Medicine.
(2:12pm)
Before this experience, I had a lot of fear "taking the plunge", but the anxiety went away soon after finishing the dose (~60g white caapi, ~10g Hawaiian chacruna (30 minutes after caapi)).
When it first came on, it felt as though there was a pleasant electric type feeling coursing through my body, starting from the top of my head moving down to my toes. This stage lasted maybe 20 minutes before moving onto the next, more "difficult" stage.
....Then the nausea set in....
Any movement dramatically increased the nausea.. I was shaking.. It felt like I was afflicted with a divine sickness. I was prepared. I knew it would pass.. looking back, it's hard to remember most of what happened during this period of time.. it was an emotional roller coaster. I was processing and analyzing difficult memories and aspects of my personality, and it felt like these thoughts were increasing the nausea. For a while it felt like I disconnected from my sense of self and merged with outside perspectives. It felt as though dream and reality had merged. The tracers were ridiculous.. The visuals and feeling felt more acid-like than mushroom-like.
Eventually it got to the point where I just couldn't hold it anymore, so I got up, got my pail ready, and purged. This was by far the most vile tasting purge I have ever experienced. I was throwing up for a good 10 - 15 minutes before I reached the point where I felt like I had nothing left to purge.. I will never forget that taste.. Blech!!
I went back to lying down in my bed, and the nausea subsided dramatically after 5 - 10 minutes. I was in a state of pure peace. I decided to turn the music off and enjoy the silence.
My body was very weak.. but I felt refreshed. I was slipping in and out of daydreams.. most of which I don't remember. The next few hours were spent in silence while enjoying the peaceful state of mind. There were moments where I was getting many inspirational thoughts.. looking back, I should have kept a pad and paper next to me, as most of these insights/inspirations have been forgotten since then.
Eventually I decided to turn the music back on and smoke some spice.. so I packed my bowl with an unmeasured amount of spice on top of blue lotus flowers. It was a very gentle, peaceful experience. I don't think I will ever use DMT again without harmalas in my system. It seemed much more forgiving.. more right.
I basked in the glow for the remainder of the trip and things eventually subsided by the 6 - 7 hour mark.
I didn't get much sleep the next couple of nights, and was relatively weak the following day.
I am VERY thankful for this experience and am looking forward to working with The Medicine again later this week. Even though there were some challenging moments, it was a lot easier than I had originally anticipated.. very well worth it!
This IS truly THE Medicine!
I feel like I have finally begun my healing journey.
I <3 Ayahuasca!