PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: focused
(physical condition) Set: well / nervous
Setting (location): home, ritualistic layout
time of day: 17:00, sunny
recent drug use: none
last meal: thai curry @ 14:00

PARTICIPANT
Gender: f
body weight: 49kg
known sensitivities: none
history of use: experienced

BIOASSAY
Substance(s): lsd
Dose(s): ~600µg
Method of administration: sugar cubes dissolved in lukewarm mint-tea and lemon juice


EFFECTS
Administration time: T=0:00
Duration: 10 hours
First effects: T=1:00
Peak: T=1:45 - 5:45
Come down:T=6:00-T=10:00
Baseline: next morning

Intensity (overall): 3
Evaluation / notes: awesome

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 4
Implesantness: 1
Visual Intensity: 2


AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: 0
Afterglow: 4

---

REPORT


This was an experiment.

I wanted to see if using symbols during a trip could help focus attention and intention.
The last few months have been a slow but ever downward spiral for my state of mind, slipping ever so softly into discontent and depression. My job and life in general felt more and more like prison to me and I was just waiting to get out, rather than living it moment by moment. I wanted to change this feeling, since my plans require me to stay here for a while longer, and it makes no sense feeling bad about it or myself for the entire time while I could be positively progressing and growing instead.

I wanted to work through the negativity loops I felt inside me using a high dose of acid, but in order not to get distracted I created a ritualistic setting. I posted all kinds of strange symbols from free-masonry to religious symbols of all kinds of world religions on my walls, layed out a circle of tarot cards starting with "The Fool" and ending with "The Universe" (only the trumps i.e. 22 cards) and around that layed a chain of LED lights as a circle. The inner tarot card circle was large enough to sit in comfortably, cross legged or otherwise. The idea was that all of these symbols including the tarot cards were in some way related to archetypes and other elements of the subconscious according to my theory, and so would have some kind of effect on my mind while under the influence. Added to that the creation of this setting involved my desire to change, so the symbols were all associated with my intention.

After I took the acid I turned on some music - a long Mars Volta and Omar playlist - and waited for it to kick in. After some initial nausea which this acid frequently gives me, I stepped into the circle and waited some more. I felt the tenseness of the come up, felt uneasy, felt the desperation of character in the Deloused album which I was listening to. At some point I had to go to the bathroom and ended up staring in the mirror for a longer time. I realized then that what I was feeling was resistence. The acid by this time was giving me heavy visuals which I felt were terribly beautiful but I felt disconnected from them. Why was I resisting the beauty, the love, the universal bliss that I could be immersed in?

I returned to the circle feeling powerless and insignificant. Feeling like I would be defeated any moment now. I forced myself to stand straight, hands raised above my head palms together like in yoga. I made myself into a pillar trying to connect to the highest principles but I felt small. I trembled, could hardly hold myself in an upright position for long, all I wanted was to crawl under something and hide. But I could not. I stood for as long as I could in front of several symbols like The Tree of Life and some kind of freemasonry symbols, until I had to sit. There I began looking at the cards, starting with the hanged man, one of my favorite cards but also a bit... negative.
I told myself: YOU WILL SORT THESE FEELINGS AND PROBLEMS OUT NOW OR NOT GO ON AT ALL. YOU WILL STAY IN HERE AS LONG AS IT TAKES.

The music grew very intense at some point and I crouched and burried my head beneath myself feeling my whole body cramp as it tried to let go of the resistances. I remember fighting with my emotions, from anger to self pity and frustration and then - suddenly the resistance was gone.

I stepped out of the circle and leaned out my window where the sun was hanging low on the horizon making a yellow smear in the sky between trees and houses that I could see from where I was standing. I became transfixed by the view of blue sky and green. Inside my emotions began bubbling up. Feelings of hurt and fear and loneliness came up, but they were not threatening anymore. They came, and lingered for a while before slowly dissolving into the space around me. Slowly, slowly all these things dissolved.

And more and more I began smiling and enjoying the music instead of feeling desperate. I began to feel very very relaxed and energetic at the same time. And so I returned to the circle and began dancing. And as I danced I felt the remnants of the resistance, the memories of it, leaving my body. I shook my muscles, danced like crazy as the music climaxed over and over again; connected to the rhythm of the universe; realized that dancing was also a spiritual practice - a way to react to whatever happened in the world.

I realized that if I danced, then whatever happened I could always remain in my authentic self without blocking energies or resisting impulses - I could just dance to whatever arose and stay true to myself.

I realized that self-doubts and criticism did not serve me at all, that what I had now was ultimate spiritual self-confidence and that it felt amazing. To clarify, this doesn't mean I believe that I'm infallible but rather that failure in anything I do has no implication for my being. Also if I align myself with my highest principles and strive to do better and transmutate any energy that comes my way, any situation, into something positive, why should I not be confident in what I am?

I danced and when I needed rest from dancing I stood in one or another yoga pose, connecting with the universe, meditating on some of the symbols I had laying around in my circle. I felt unsurpassable joy at being alive and I realized that whatever my plans were, it was important not to wait for them to unfold, but to be alive and active now, to fulfill my potential as a living being right now, and be open to the full spectrum of energy that I am capable of experiencing, transmuting and perceiving. Be open to every situation, be open to the world in general.
Things I had known before, but I was not able to do any of these due to the resistances.
But now...
There was nothing holding me back,
no pull from below, no negativity seepign back into me
just pure joy

I went to bed and slept fairly well after some initial trouble finding rest. The next morning I had 0 hangover but felt fantastic. In fact, I still do. I hope I can use this experience to truly transform my being into what I realized it must become. I hope I can continue dancing

My evaluation of the experiment is as follows: using symbols IMO definitely helped me funnel my thoughts towards exactly the problems I wanted to work on. Especially the circle, regardless of the tarot cards really seemed to make a difference. Some of the other symbols really seemed to facilitate the ideas of connecting and releasing. Dancing in the circle also felt more meaningful, as though it had some kind of subconscious implications, as though I was creating some kind of energy-formation within myself, while also ridding myself of old and unhealthy energy formations.
If I ever have specific things to work on again with psychedelics I will definitely try something similar again. I felt it was very helpful.


thanks for reading
much love

Enoon

Nice report, but somehow i got the impression you didn't write up everything. Something is left out - do you have experienced other toughts and feelings, or could you try to explain a little further your shift from resistance to unity?

Thanks ;D

Enoon,

Thanks for the report. I have not posted a report because I have not journeyed for several months.

Resistance -- resistance to change is one of things I do that causes me a lot of pain in my life. There are lots of things I have resisted doing in my life that have caused me undue pain. They have ranged from letting go of addictions to working through and letting go of feelings surrounding grief that comes with death of loved ones or letting go of relationships that are no longer good for me.

The amount of my pain (depression and anger) seem directly proportional my resistance to the change I must undergo. Once I let go of what ever it was that was clinging to, I am always amazed at how much better I feel and how much easier life gets. One time several years ago I had to get to a place mentally where I needed to let go of a marriage and also move to a new location. I had months of denial, anger, sadness, depression, etc that I finally worked through.

I found another job, packed my stuff, and moved. While I was driving away, I felt huge relief wash over me and I was on a new adventure not to be dreaded, but to be embraced. I felt so relieved that I had finally come to an important decision and fully act on it. 12 years later I feel very glad that I did.

Again Thanks,

Rivea

Over the past weeks or months, I'm not sure when it started, I've been feeling more and more cut or shut off from the amazingness of the world. My attitude towards my job and towards my location were getting worse and worse. I felt like while life could be amazing it certainly wasn't where I was. I felt like I was waiting for things to change before I could feel better, and so desperately looking to change something exterior.

I still want to change exterior things, I still have my plans, but this experience showed me what I'd known all along - that this moment already provides all that is needed to feel amazing, and that I am already able to resonate with all that is arising.

The transition was fast. One moment I was contracting and cramping every muscle in my body as though pulling or pushing a heavy load, while crouched on the ground in the circle. I was thinking something like: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU RESISTING? JUST LET GO. I was also thinking all these things that come up when you have excessive self-doubt like: "you are stupid" "you are insignificant" "you will never change" "your life is meaningless". When I stood in front of the symbols in the circle I fought against these thoughts, fought against them crushing me, tried to stand tall and call upon the highest principles or powers within me or the cosmos. Then suddenly, almost without me noticing it, after crouching and feeling pressed down by all this doubt and criticism, the load and the contraction disappeared. The negative thoughts were gone as well. I call this "the first barrier".

The second barrier was the emotional one, the things that bubbled up as I stared out the window. Things that in another situation might have made me cry or feel desperate but because I had left the resistance to these things behind me, because I had cast it off, they just existed inside of me and I felt equanimous towards them. I watched them rise, did not look away, addressed them calmly, turned them over calmly to see them fully and accepted that they were there. And so they had no hold over me.

What were these things? they were small things - things like envy, hurt, longings, disappointments etc. But due to their repression they caused these blockages. When the blockages were gone I felt a surge of physical energy; I felt so energetic as I hadn't for months.

The third and last barrier were the muscle memories which I got rid of while dancing.

I don't know how else to explain this. I was told that in Osho seminars they do similar things, though they dance first until everyone is physically exhausted so that the resistances are broken down, and then they move to the emotional issues that were hiding below the resistances. I found the likeness of my experience to what was relayed to me about the Osho seminars very compelling.

don't know if this helped elucidate my experience. it#s the best I can do for now.

Sounds like something I need. Thanks for taking the time to write such a detailed and honest report - you have inspired me.

JBArk

The effects and power of symbolism should never be underestimated.Interesting endeavor, Enoon; thanks for sharing!

One question- the dosage was 600mcg?

600mcg is not far from the peak dose in terms of where LSD can take you, with bigger doses just drawing it out.From personal experience, doses over 200mcg are sufficient to 'render resistance futile' where for the sake of ones mental wellbeing all resistance has to be dispensed with.Back in the day when I was fond of (and had access to) LSD this would equate to 3-4 blotters of 'okay' strength LSD taken together.This would provide a 'peak' time of 6 hours-for me this meant 6 hours after consumption walking to the local garage was not an insurmountable hurdle.I would expect myself as still being peaking at the 6 hour mark if I'd taken 600mcgs and the garage would have to wait.

corpus, I definitely notice differences in strength with higher doses rather than length of the experience. I've heard many people say what you just stated, but for me I feel the higher doses really do affect me differently. With the low doses I get less of this breaking-through-the-personal-barriers effect. With the high doses I get an overwhelming at-oneness feeling, which the lower doses just don't provide. So personally I like to take more...

The length of the experience hardly varies for me, but maybe I just forget to time it.

much love
Enoon

LSD can be a very strange drug.

When I was much younger we had access to LSD like kids today have access to weed. One sheet we had purchased was amazingly strong. In fact it was the only time we had sheets were 1 hit was enough to give you a really good LSD experience. I had tripped on this sheet many times and had taken a 2 week break. Then one night we all headed out to our favorite patch of woods to trip. Everyone else took 1-3 hits...I took a staggering 16 hits this night. The trip came on in about 15 minutes...never had that happen before or since. It lasted almost exactly 4 hours at which time I came down amazingly fast. Of course right about this time everyone else was beginning to peak. For the life of me I have no idea what happened this particular night. It was almost as though my body said, "sorry that's to much we aren't playing that game!".

I've never had this happen before or since and I've never heard anyone else report something similar. It also can't be pushed off to uneven sheets as I was present when the sheet was rolled. I also did trip serious balls for 4 straight hours and then...nothing.

If you know for certain you have real LSD then you don' t have anything at all to worry about when it comes to overdosing....losing your mind well that's a different story.

BTW I find LSD to be the easiest of all the psychs. I've never had anything that even remotely was 'bad' like. LSD is in my mind the holy grail of the synthetics that I've tried...but I'll take my shrooms, emotional roller coaster though they are, any day of the week.

Peace

thought I'd share with you the set up for this trip... it was really nice, even as a scientific person... I had to laugh occaisonally during the experience because I knew how strange the whole set up looked. But at the same time the symbols really helped me focus on what I intended for the trip so I can't deny that there is something to them - not specifically the symbols themselves maybe but the associations I have with them, both in their context as occult/religious/spiritual symbols and in the context of my reasoning for putting them there.

anyway here's two pics: