Introduction

In the beginning, I differentiated between psychedelics and life. Now i feel: They are both the same. Reflecting upon our real life acts is as important as thinking about the psychedelic voyages we undertake. Sometimes, it's needed to take a step back, and look at the big picture. In a couple of months, i can celebrate my 3y anniversary. Three years ago, after 7 years of thinking about it, i actually did it. I sat down in a chair, with a machine and took the first tokes of my hard earned spice. Tiny bits of carefuly selected cheeseclumbs were melted into the brillo and i took in the hot vapor. After my journey, i posted the following report:

30th Juli 2008: Babysteps into a shimmering World
https://www.dmt-nexus.me....aspx?g=posts&t=1863

In retrospect, this voyage wasn't very strong. But it impressed me, because of the intense colors and overall aesthetics. I could not believe that it was possible to see such beauty. But i quickly made first contact with the voices, and learned my first lesson:

Lesson 1: „Spice is not for you. It's for everyone. What you learn is what you share!“

So i continued to post my findings. I felt like i had the obligation to do so. After my pleasant introduction, I felt compelled to continue!

5th juli 2009: You are so beautiful
https://www.dmt-nexus.me....aspx?g=posts&t=5564

A year after my first experience, with fresh spice and a couple of salvia experiences under my belt, i posted another report. A while ago, i smoked some enhanced leaf for the first time and had my first total immersion. This opened up a whole new world. I started to hear „hyperspace sounds“ for the first time and experienced strong and clear telepathic contact with entitys. I felt a female presence and struggled to smoke enough...so i'd vaporize 100s of mg in one session to reach a good level. But i could not let go....this is when i learned:

Lesson 2: „Letting go means: Forget your body, don't clinge to it!“

So i tried to do my best the next time. And it was the most intense, most mind shattering eperiences so far: Ego Death

17th juli 2009: Breakthrough? LOL BREAKTHROUGH? LOL?!
https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&m=68726

I lost sense of thinking, time, space ...everything. There was some kind of „feeling“ though....
Pure Robotic Ecstasy at the beginning of time. I died. I visited the heavens. The source of all...before energy got trapped and went on to be thought. As I came back, i was laughing, making funny faces and sounds for at least half an hour..trying to come to terms with existence. This one experience changed my life profoundly. It inspired my art, it inspired my thinking andd feeling. It made me a more „spiritual“ person if you will, opened me up to a whole new world of possibilitys. A rebirth if you will. I consider it my first breakthrough. Even though, i did not at the time. I was too caught in the cultural net terence mckenna had woven: Elf machines.

Lesson 3: „There are unspeakable mysteries at the core of existence „you“ can experience!“

Agitated, i continued my „honeymoon phase“ just 5 days later.

July 22nd 2009: Wash your dirty soul!
https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&m=69201

The first time I was shown visual representations of my consciousness. I was amazedto see powerful energys sweeping through my mind, washing away useless junk, represented as streams of color. The last experience kinda opened me up for the possibility of love.

Lesson 4: „Purify your soul. Let go & Show love.“

At the same time, i noticed health problems. Headaches after my journeys! Mild at the begining, they grew stronger and i wondered why.

Juli 22nd 2009: Spice Headaches
https://www.dmt-nexus.me....aspx?g=posts&t=5810

Still, i pushed foreward. I felt that i was onto something - possibly for the first time in my life! I started to really really want to have a so called „breakthrough“

August 15th 2009: Wanting it badly
https://www.dmt-nexus.me....aspx?g=posts&t=6192

For the second time, I was denied access to the realms of beauty. I was in a bad mood but felt compelled to continue to break through, to be healed. Whatever that meant. The next experience i had while feeling fine and was rewarded with a most loving, and also intensely erotic experience full of Love!

Lesson 5: „Do it only if it feels right. Hear the call of the spice and be rewarded!“

I did know what would happen a month later...a most important experience.

Septembre 9th 2009: A talk with God
https://www.dmt-nexus.me....aspx?g=posts&t=6579

The BIG love lesson. The amazing one. The one always cherished. I touched the membrane and was sent a telepathic image of the space behind it. A realm of ininite beauty...a white room filled with the most amazing and loving beings. They spoke to me „It always takes him so long to get IT“. It, in retrospect was love...opening up to it means letting go. To accept the good in your life. I shared a soul with MY ONLY FRIEND ...my only true love....her, his, its love is unconditional. While I was coming down, he/she/it spoke to me and i wrote everything down. The note said that god was always there for me, loving me strongly. Weeks afterwards i found it pretty ridiciolous that not everyone on the planet would show me this love. Because i knew: It always existed around me

Lesson 6: „God is part of the mystery. Is it possible to be an atheist?“
Lesson 7: „You are always loved as much as it can be possible!“
Lesson 8: „Stay in contact with the mystery. Take ayahuasca, don't smoke“

But i did not want to stop smoking. Later, I would see this as a big mistake. But for now, let's continue.

Octobre 25th 2009: 10mg harmalin freebase sublingually + vapor + Shpongle
https://www.dmt-nexus.me....aspx?g=posts&t=7331

I was feeling like experimenting and introduced 2 new variables: Syrian rue extract and Music!
Finally i had more time to explore and had my first little vision of a person behind a translucent parawan. It introduced me to new aesthetics and i got a better feel for the whole Experience. Live life and experience it the way you want!

Lesson 9: „Spice is a tool driven by YOUR focus! Shape your life, enjoy it to the fullest!“

Iwas now smoking spice every other month and it felt like a very important helper on my way to self improvement.

novembre 22nd 2009: Pink Clown Dome
https://www.dmt-nexus.me....aspx?g=posts&t=7902

Continuing to map this space, i feel the language aspect of the experience, i continue to feel the beings and celebrate life!

The beauty i express 4 months later:

Rainbow yawns,march 24th 2010
https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&t=11054

But somehow, something started to happen. A dark force in my soul appeared. I had quite some dull experiences in between, so dull, i did not write them down. My headaches started to grow and something was off. So i paused. I came back with a wonderful experience:

march 30th 2010 The rays of love, don't you forget them!
https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&t=11256

I wrote


... and it felt like a coming home. Did i really forget what IT is all about? The music (Shulman – a magnificient void) made me have my first really orgasmic musical experience on dmt. To this day i cry most of the time i hear this song because it reminds me of the gift i was given as i entered the octahedrons.

Lesson 10: „Don't forget the lesson of love!“

But i would forget. There was a darkness growing inside my sould, belitttering the experience, a strong ego force trying to breakthrough. On my first mushroom trip I smoked spice...and had a strong, disphoric and painfull out of body experience involving a pendulum, an me being a candle set on fire by forces of hell.

5th april 2010: The pendulum weights 10,000 pounds
https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&t=11431

Lesson 11: „Respect DMT, Respect yourself!“

This might be the lesson i needed to learn. But i did not want to learn. I wanted to break through.
So it happened. The last experience so far before the cord got severed over 8 months ago.


14th of july 2010: Surpressed Lesson
https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&t=13946

A horribly dark experience full of self doubt and the realization, that im only at the beginning of my healing journey. That i need to acknowledge my self destructive tendencys. They had a lot of patience with me. They showed me love...but now, everthing was gone and i had to deal with this darkness. That's how i learned …

Lesson 12: „You decide wether you want a live a bright or dark life. Currently, you're on the dark side“

So allow me, to put it all together...

Lesson 1: „Spice is not for you. It's for everyone. What you learn is what you share!“
Lesson 2: „Letting go means: Forget your body, don't clinge to it!“
Lesson 3: „There are unspeakable mysteries at the core of existence „you“ can experience!“
Lesson 4: „Purify your soul. Let go & Show love.“
Lesson 5: „Do it only if it feels right. Hear the call of the spice and be rewarded!“
Lesson 6: „God is part of the mystery. Is it possible to be an atheist?“
Lesson 7: „You are always loved as much as it can be possible!“
Lesson 8: „Stay in contact with the mystery. Take ayahuasca, don't smoke““
Lesson 9: „Spice is a tool driven by YOUR focus! Shape your life, enjoy it to the fullest!“
Lesson 10: „Don't forget the lesson of love!“
Lesson 11: „Respect DMT, Respect yourself!“
Lesson 12: „You decide wether you want a live a bright or dark life. Currently, you're on the dark side“

Or to sum it up:

Purification of the soul means: To respect yourself, to respect life. You are in charge. You can decide to let go of the bad stuff in your life. If you do, you'll experience the love around you. You will celebrate life eternally. Then: proceed to share it! Draw people closer to the source, the translinguistic, timeless mystery...

I think this is a common lesson. Otherwise, the nexus would not be as beautiful as it is today. But, we shall not forget the lessons of love. To respect ourself and others. It's essential.

What a journey! And what an excellent way of presenting the arc of one’s experiences. Thanks for doing this.

I must confess that I’ve found it interesting to read the “history” of a select few Nexians – to read their early posts and follow them through their growth and development. You’ve made it easy by putting your history all in one place!

I noticed your chronology ends in July 2010. Have you not used DMT since?

It would be nice if everyone who has been using entheogens for at least a few years would write a similar history, especially the “lessons learned” part. Sometimes it’s hard to answer the simple question, “Why do you do it?” Seeing the lessons learned makes it a little less difficult to answer that simple question.

That was great. Loved the lessons. I think there's that denial part of my brain that's trying to take care of that "don't smoke, just take ayahuasca one" but that's great. I've been learning most of those same lessons through spice in an indirect way...I rarely have my entities say meaningful things. They usually just spit back my scattered thoughts, but nonetheless, I've still very much integrated those lessons which I no doubt would not have without the help of spice it should seem.

Thank you for putting this together, obliguhl. A really great presentation.

Thank you.

that was nice dude! i enjoyed reading that

WoW, obliguhl.....

Outstanding! I have attempted so many times to organize my thoughts on this very subject.

How have I evolved since DMT entered my life and how has my relationship with psychedelics evolved during that time span? What have I learned? How have my intentions evolved?

Taking time to organize and put these thoughts and lessons down in the written language is, IMO, a wonderful tool for self development and integration.

Very nicely stated.

Thank You kindly for sharing.

ih

Nice post/thread.

Many things you have posted over the years have clicked with me. I always check a thread if I see your name attached.

My post count is low because I do not post reports for the same reason that I do not comment much on people reports: I don't use dmt. I had a honeymoon period in the beginning. I have had resurgences of short-medium duration and one-stands... but all in all I never touch the stuff. (sick thing is that due to my love of the process I have a lifetime supply)

cactus yes, shrooms a little . . . pharma (a couple times but don't have the time needed) aya never but have had plenty of mild caapi tea. Bufo? I have tried and tried and tried to get an active extract.

Anyhow, your post here has really helped me identify a hole I've been feeling....

Thanks

I'm happy you all enjoyed this little resumee i've put together! I think it also helped me with my development and i think it gives closure to a certain period of travels. and yes gibran2 I really havn't smoked spice since that day, if you dismiss a very small dose on ayahuasca a couple of months ago. I just felt that it wasn't right to continue and that it would have something to do with my "talk with god", who told me to stop smoking. So i think, gobalswg, that some lessons are personal ones. I'm not saying you should stop smoking.
But well, putting this thread together has shown me, that there were actually profound experiences AFTER my god talk one...so this leaves the option of returning to the spice, eventually.

But now i think that it's place is in high intensity experiences. For longer sessions, i think it might be best to stick to ayahuasca, mushrooms and the likes.

Perhaps you should make such a thread yourself Ice House, it's a good experience.

..and Madcap, thanks for taking an interest in my experiences. It was very nice to read that!

Obliguhl, this is quite fantastic. I remember reading many of these reports in the past, but had never put them together as the evolution of a single soul. The result is very powerful.
Definitely encouraged me to start working on my own story. Each of those lessons is in some form very dear to me as well, somewhat surreal reading this. Thank you.

outstanding. as much needed

Thank you for sharing and taking the time to write down this compilation of your journeys.
Isn't the honey moon face really sweet? I loved it.