Hey guys, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. If you don’t know me, check out my last post where I condemned the DMT experience as bullshit.
https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&t=14485


Anyway, I have successfully overcome my obsession/addiction with psychedelic drugs. I stopped tripping, I don’t think about DMT often, I don’t visit these sites much, and I no longer believe in the mystical, transformative, or even self-reflective power of DMT. For two years I was using pharmahuasca weekly and every Saturday I’d dive deep into hyperspace for hours doing what all psychonauts do – searching for meaning, euphoria, fulfillment, spirituality, and a connection. Did I find all of them? I really don’t know what I found because there are few words to describe the experience. However, I did eventually realize that the path I was on was a dead end. There was nothing meaningful for me in it, just a desire to keep tripping, to keep going into stranger and stranger headspaces, and hoping to get some good laughs or become God or glimpse eternity. There was no growth, no understanding, just a compulsion to pull that cosmic slot machine and scramble some brain material. I figured out why I couldn’t integrate - “Integration” means to make sense of, find meaning in, and incorporate the flotsam and jetsam of the tripping experience into sober life. To me, it means the same thing as waking up from a dream and desperately scrutinizing every detail of it in order to look for something symbolic of a deeper reality. I don’t scrutinize my dreams and roll my eyes when others do.


When the epiphany hit me that the psychedelic experience was as significant as being drunk or stoned, it lost its magic and I was released from its grip. I can sit on my couch on Saturday and listen to music and have deep insights into my life all without tripping. That was a shocker to me. I can have a fucking awesome Saturday without tripping. I forgot that was possible As I distanced myself from the psychedelic mindset, I began to see the drug differently. It seems to target a part of the brain that deals with “profoundness” and “importance” and it amplifies those two feelings. Thinking about the experience with a skeptical and rational mind alters its significance drastically. Try smoking it with your bullshit detector on.


Anyway, my experience may not resonate with many of you, but those of you who feel addicted to the drug, it can be psychologically addictive. I couldn’t stop thinking about it for two years and damn it feels great to be free. I don’t believe that I have given up psychedelics for life, but I will treat them as I treat getting drunk or stoned – rarely, less than a few times a year, and just for kicks. No more searching for meaning, there is none in that fucking whacked out headspace for me. At least now I can focus on other bullshit. Damn, I have a major cactus forest in my yard – San Pedros, Peruvian Torch, Bridgesii – literally hundreds of feet of cacti in the ground and growing. Maybe someday I’ll eat one, but for now I just see them as amazingly beautiful plants and get more enjoyment watching them grow than actually tripping on them. Thanks guys.

As much as I was saddened to read your last posts, this one is comforting. I'm glad you found your way back to reality, your tone certainly suggests that you are more at peace. Your story is an important one for people to read because you go a long way in tracing the contour of a trap we're all in danger of falling into, or further into. It's a very concrete reminder that "wanting to trip out" is a self-destructive intent, regardless of wether or not it can be changed. We have to keep reminding ourselves that we're doing this for the benefit of our realities. We must journey to live more, we must not live to journey more.

The obvious question - Do you recognize that these experiences can be meaningful and even beneficial for different people, with a different approach?

"I can have a fucking awesome Saturday without tripping. I forgot that was possible."

That's some serious shit.

"It seems to target a part of the brain that deals with “profoundness” and “importance” and it amplifies those two feelings."

I totally know what you mean, not necessarily with DMT, but I fell under the spell of exactly that with ketamine+nitrous.

Anyway, thanks for reporting back, I hope life is good to you.

Thanks for the kind words, Shayku. You know, I think it can be meaningful and useful for some people - just not for me. While you can have deep insights without the use of drugs, they do provide different points of view and a strange type of metaphorical thinking that can be helpful for some. Unfortunately they can also be so damn fun and compelling and ultimately habitual. That was my problem - an addictive personality combined with the power of these drugs to turn me into an oddball motherfucker with Terence Mckenna-esque views.

joebono, on your last post condemming DMT, I was actually kinda offended. I felt like you maybe just had a bad trip and freaked out or something, and tried to downplay the spiritual exploring that goes on. I have since then thought more about it and really I was just trying to counter you instead of looking for the truth in your words and trying to undersand WHY you felt the way you do/did. I realize that there was no reason to react the way I did. I know we haven't really talked much on the nexus, but I want you to know that I now have very much respect for what you did. some things have really been put into perspective for me. I think I can relate somewhat to the way you feel as I have had a similar type of epiphany with something else and I can see where you were coming from. I'm glad you have rediscovered life.

Glad that you have moved to a better headspace!
I was interested in your comment about dreams. Do you put them in the same category as psychedlics? As somewhat meaningless brainscramble type input? And why roll your eyes at those who may look deeper? In my experience, dreams are such a fundamental part of daily life, if they are considered worthless, is examining life as a whole worthless as well? Anyway, best of luck. Thought it might be interesting to hear what facets of life are worthy of examination, and where you draw the line.

Good luck to you, joe bono! It's entirely possible to have totally endogenous DMT-like (if not DMT itself) breakthrough experiences without taking any drugs...just with meditation exercises. I'm speaking from experience: mind-blowing consciousness breakthroughs that scared the crap out of me. Haven't done it with aya ... yet. And, I believe that with some people, those endogenous events will just happen (seemingly) spontaneously.

Some of us are here to find something with the help of DMT. But once you find or better understand what you're looking for ....

Sounds like you've got a wonderful garden....

hey joebono, glad things are well and that you stopped by for a minute to say hi. what're some things you do for fun nowadays? I like digging for new music but would love some other ideas.

@Mogascreeta - Hey thanks, You know I thought about that, that maybe it was some sort of denial type of defense mechanism that made me reject DMT's spirituality. But there was nothing about the experience that bothered me or really even made much sense to me to upset me.

@Once - Yes, I know some people think about their dreams but to me that exercise is futile and not very productive. Now if my dreams could foretell the future or something of that nature, then maybe I would reassess their utility but at this moment they are fragmented pieces of imagination.

@Azrael - I've been hiking, kayaking, had a road trip, and got a Playstation 3. God of War 3 and Grand Theft Auto are amazing games!

Couldn't you say observing your own "fragmented pieces of imagination" has benefits in self exploration even if it isn't particularly productive? I would like to think that you, and all of us for that matter, have grown in understanding and gained an beneficial mindset, even if it is not readily apparent.

In any case, I am happy for you...moving a direction in your life and being completely content with that decision is a wonderful state to be in. I am glad to hear you kept your garden.

Good question, Eden. At this point, I can't think of any real benefit that DMT had for me other than the pure pleasure I experienced during the fun trips. The horror trips were nothing I could relate to, nothing I could glean any insight from. In fact, most of the time I would have a selective amnesia from tripping where I would totally forget bad trips and only remember them when peaking on my next journey.

Joe...... Right the fuck on!!! I am happy for you and I am proud of you. I mean that sincerely. It sounds like through psychedelics you found what you were looking for after all. You wouldnt be who you are today whithout this chapter in your life. You are a young man BTW. You have many moons ahead of you. You never know for sure what benefits you will reap from this experience you have had.

Life is continual integration, weather you acknowledge it or not your mind will continue to integrate those experiences, IMO that process will never leave you.

You are on a new path thats nice. You are scarred for life though. Never ever forget-

You may leave hyperspace forever but hyperspace will NEVER leave you.

and thats not a bad thing.

congrats joe and good luck.

Joe, this makes me so so happy to hear. I've always wished you the best, and to hear that you're getting what you want out of life is beautiful. Thank you for reporting back, and hopefully you will check in from time to time.

Be cool, be well.

many drugs are addicitve. so are psychadelics. they can become a sort of escape from whatever life you are leading. so are other substances which can be much more detrimental. dmt it self can create long lasting anxieties and fears of certain objects/people/etc. so its best to be careful. proper mindset and more importantly setting and who is there can last much longer than one expects.

now i dont lump san pedro in this as it is only pure good according to my monkey's experiences reminds me it should dream up s'more

joebono I love you very much.


I'm glad you're well.
I've directly participated in a social infrastructure that has helped reinforce absurd levels of faith in "Hyper-levels" of the world we have no proof of beyond random and "direct" experience. And for that I am sorry.


From the craziest of clues, I have threaded massively complex rational structures around something so fundamentally vague and "unreal," that your honest posts over the past weeks have rocked my confidence to the core.


Yet like you said, "the mind is a sneaky fucker and will keep looking for ways to keep you on the drug."
...I have since come up with very reasonable and solid rebuttals to everything you have said. I don't know what to do? How may I trust my senses when they've offered two directly conflicting reports of "the world?" And whatever forces "may exist on the other side" have little interest in substantially validating our Other Experiences after we return beyond the dripping insanity of perceived synchronization?


DMT is indeed a psychological horror show and it's YOUR guts that are on the table.


I admire your current state of contentment; it is well earned.



in tremendous admiration,

a

sometimes in life, finding an understanding that something isn't right for you or your 'path' is every bit as valuable as finding something that is. relationships that teach us what we most certainly DON'T want are as instrumental in our growth as those that affirm what we DO want.

joe- after re-reading several of your posts, i can say with love and compassion that DMT was NOT for you. it filled a niche in your pattern that was neither soulful nor particularly healthy. recognizing this and stepping away from this unhealthy relationship has given you a clearer, more positive understanding of yourself via highlighting a particular disfunctionality you are prone to and showing you something you DON'T want in your life. for this, i give you tremendous respect and applause!

the approach with which we come to work with DMT is as telling of the ultimate relationship we are going to have with it as anything else. only the seeker him/herself knows in their heart of hearts WHY they are entering into this relationship and, if at their very core they feel their motivations to be righteous, DMT can be something that provides long-time benefit to their lives in THIS world as well as hyperspace.

simply for the sake of a balanced perspective, i will tell you all that i have worked with the molecule almost every single day for just under three years now. whether vaporizing it or consuming it orally with an MAOI, the 'gold' i am able to mine and apply directly to my life here has not ceased to come in massive volumes and because of this, my work goes on. directly because of DMT i have changed my life in countless ways and all of them for the better. it has never been an illusion or a waste of time for me at any point. it is my medicine and my work with it is a gift to myself and all those i interact with.

i guess i just wanted to put it out there that one man's poison CAN be another man's manna. in either case, the virtue lies in the recognition of which it is for YOU and the willingness to listen to that voice that says, "no more" or "now more"...

joe- i bow to your respect and adherence to that voice inside of you that knows best. it is the voice that will ultimately, in my humble opinion, be the same for all of us when we have reached a certain point in our evolution. until then, may we all follow what our individual voice tells us and trust that 'many rivers all ultimately reach the sea.'

with the deepest love and gratitude!!

I'm glad you've found some peace and brought order to the chaos. As Alan Watts said, "When you get the message, hang up the phone". It's good to see that you got the message and moved on, learning from the experiences.



I'd say the most obvious benefit to me is that you learned to enjoy life. Whether you learned it the hard way or the easy way, you did in fact learn something. And I would think that by you stepping back, enjoying yourself and enjoying life would be the ultimate form of integration.

Hope things keep looking up for you!

I spent allot of time trying to gain something beneficial from breakthru trips. I left the scene 7 years ago with the mentality that you have at this point. It was only in retrospect that I seen how it changed who I am and how I perceive the world. I am not going to get into a bunch of hocus pocus BS here but I will say this the changes at first were subtle but over time they were powerful. You will never perceive the world the same way again and you will never really think in the same manner. I dont even look the same as I once did. I am older but somehow I look younger. I am simply a diffrent person judge for yourself.



These days I am a devout follower of the spice as I use it in my writing and as such it allows the creativity to flow far better than without. However I currently subscribe to the belief that a break thru experience is not nearly as productive as one where you do not break through. I had to learn to channel it, to let it go and not to force it. I simply sit and wait listening I never know what will come or what it will be about, it always comes and when I read it I am often dumfounded by what was written.

JOE YOU WHERE RIGHT!

I just took a minute quantity of spice and suddenly remembered. INSTANT DEJAVU.

IT MAKES YOU FORGET WHAT IT DOES TO YOU WITHIN 1 MINUTE OF COMING DOWN. THIS STUFF IS DANGEROUS! THE DANGER LIES IN THE FACT THAT IT DOESN'T HARM THE BODY, BUT IT MAKES YOU WANT TO TAKE MORE OF IT. HELL NO, I'M NOT GOING THROUGH THAT AGAIN. I REMEMBER NOW, AND I AM GIVING ALL MY DMT AWAY! THIS IS DANGEROUS STUFF. IT MAKES YOU FORGET WHAT IT DOES. AS I AM WRITING THIS IT IS MAKING ME WANT TO TAKE IT AGAIN. THERE IS A DEMON RESIDING IN THIS STUFF.

PS: vovin, it looks like you went on a diet. Good for you.

If you find some sort of benefit from this stuff, so be it, but I'm not going back there again. I'll sit in a cubicle for the rest of my life before I do DMT again. (Which is quite possibly my worst nightmare.)

PPS: I just took a piss and found it did some weird ass shit to my penis. It was shrunken but stiff on the inside, but soft on the inside. WHAT THE FUCK!!


I AM SO GLAD I DIDN'T TAKE A BIGGER DOSE...

Many people get into a honeymoon with dmt in the first few months and work with it daily, it's not an issue since if you really abuse it you will be kicked HARD. As it has been
stated by many nexians, DMT IS THE ARCHETYPAL ANTI-DRUG!

More like fear personified!

I already forgot how terrible it is. This stuff is the archetypal scare the shit out of you and make you forget what happened so you will take it again so that it can scare the shit out of you again drug.
By the time you have come down you have already forgot what happened.