Wow.... Wow, wow, wow, wow... just... wow man..

I'm almost shaking.. I have to head out to pick up my daughter soon (yay i get to see her today!!!) but I HAVE to share this first.. And it kind of fades, like a dream.. so I want to get this all down.

But yeah.. My second time brewing, definitely worked.. I think it was grinding up the mimosa that made a difference.. And yes, Mimosa can be a rough teacher.. I'm looking forward to my chacruna getting here. Ugh.. Wow...

Anyway, I only slightly altered my brewing technique, but I did use 8 grams of mimosa this time, not to drink it all, but to have extra in case I purged too soon..

Drank my Caapi first.. Waited slightly over 10 minutes, then drank my Mimosa, slightly more than half, so maybe 6 grams worth.. I was already feeling the Caapi when I drank the Mimosa.. And two minutes after I drank the Mimosa I started feeling something that I knew wasn't the Caapi.

I had a sitter with me. A friend who was there out of kindness, but has zero experience with psychedelics.. When I could tell how strong it was going to be I thanked her for all her help thus far, and kindly let her know I felt I would be better on my own. Gave her a hug goodnight and she took off.. Leaving me in the little shrine I had set up in my backyard, behind a shed.. Some blankets on the ground, out under the stars and clouds, away from everyone... All by myself.

The Mimosa started coming on very quick.. And sometime less than 10 minutes minutes after my Mimosa drinking, I started purging.. A little came up the first bout.. And just as I was thinking "well that wasn't too bad", KA-BOOM!! A fountain shoots out my mouth.. Again.. and again.. I can't believe there was that much to come up.. It kept coming and coming.. Felt like I couldn't breathe.. Finally it was over and I put on some Shpongle and laid down to try to enjoy things more..

It was so intense coming up.. Everything was vibrating.. There were visuals there, but nothing like what I expected.. Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's because I had a small dose (6g is small, right?), but eyes open, the visuals were... weird.. Some flashes and trails, that's about it.. CEV's were certainly there but hard to distinguish/remember.. There definitely wasn't much of the crazy geometric patterning you so often hear described.. but that didn't concern me.. the mental and body effects were certainly strong enough for me that night.

When I purged I remember thinking "Oh shit, what have I gotten myself into? My body is obviously trying to get that stuff out of me as quickly as possible.. Oh boy"

Now I think it's best to move into the first-person, present tense, to try to relate this as best I can..

---

So now I'm laying here.. Looking up... Ok, ok.. I'm fine. Why did I do this? Remember.. To learn. To grow. To help my addiction problems. To cultivate more patience and kindness.. Yes, yes.. Ok.. Intentions are noble enough.. Why do I feel so damn icky then? Uuggghhhhh...

Body vibrating... Field of vision starting to spin a bit.. Closing my eyes at this point feels similar to my Iboga experience of falling into a black hole, except with this I'm not falling, I'm flying very fast..

My thoughts are going crazy.. Very weird. Certainly non-linear. Who's having these thoughts? Where do they come from? Are they mine? What does mine even mean? Who am I? "I"? What a crazy concept.. Suddenly I realize there's no such thing as I.. Haha.. what a silly dream-world we live in. It has a purpose, but it doesn't matter..

Ooooh the vibrating... This is strong. My body is melting. Hold on.. Just hold on.. No wait, don't fight it.. that will be uncomfortable. Oh shit, if I let go I'm going to die.. Right, that's the point isn't it? But wait.. I just realized something.. I don't want to die! Noooo!!!

Fear.. Panic.. Terror. I do NOT want to die. I thought I had my thoughts somewhat resolved on this, but there was no way to know until I actually felt it. And now I know.. I do not want to die. I'm afraid to die. I'm grateful for this life. I'm happy here.. I want to go home.. I want this to go away. Let me go in and go to bed. I'll never do it again.. I promise.. I wasn't ready. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.. Please be gentle. Forgive me. Wait, the vine.. Caapi? Where are you? Help me, please..

No answer..

Oh boy.. Flying fast and faster.. The vibration is almost an explosion. What am I going to do? I know I need to let go.. uhh.. NO! Tried it, too scary.. can't do that.. but wait, at this rate, pretty soon I won't be able to resist.. Oh god.. What's going to happen when it engulfs me? Oh boy oh boy oh god..

Breathe... My breathe. I have my breath still. I have that. Focus.. Oh god.. I understand what Tia was saying.. I'm just a baby! Oh loving universe, have mercy on me! You wouldn't hurt a baby would you? Everyone loves babies.. I'm just a baby.. so young.. I know nothing. I don't have a clue.

This all really is such an illusion isn't it? I can sense reality suddenly.. Like it was there behind the curtain the whole time.. I know this. I've always known this. Why do I need these crazy/painful psychedelic experiences to remember and appreciate things? It doesn't matter.. Nothing matters. It does, but really it doesn't. I have consequences for my actions yeah, but they don't matter.. Or do they? Wait, I know... They do and they don't at the same time. Yes, that's it. Duh.

I'm not alone now.. The vibrating is so strong I almost don't perceive it, weird.. I've flown somewhere far away. And there's something in front of me. It's so bright. And big. This is the biggest most powerful thing I've ever sensed before. It's so huge. Immense. Understanding. Loving.. So bright. Oh my god, this is the source. This is what I really am. (There's that silly "I" word again, what does that even mean?). This is the reason for all reasons. This is everything and nothing at the same time. That's the only thing that really makes sense anyway, right? We silly humans spend so much time trying to understand this universe.. but the answer is really so simple we overlook it all the time. The only thing that's even possible is everything and nothing. That's the only way it could ever work. There can be no other way. This isn't real. None of it is really real. It IS real. This makes perfect sense right now. I know this to be true. Human experience is kind of like the most powerful psychedelic the universe has ever known.

Nonetheless.. Here is the source. In front of me. Inside me. Outside me. Reality has ripped at the seams. Breathe. In. Out.. I'm still here.. I've been here the whole time. Did I ever let go? No, I don't think so. No, certainly not, not all the way. Thank you oh gentle teacher.. I wasn't ready tonight. I was NOT ready.. How can you be ready?! Hahahaha... Oh my god.. Hahaha...

Crazy.. What happened? What just happened?? Hahahahahhaa.. Oh my.. Is that rain on my face? Hahahaha... Perfect. Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I love them. Oh my god, I love everybody. I want everyone to be happy. I just want to hold them in the womb of creation and let them know everything will be ok. I know it to be so. All is love. Pain is still there, but the love is stronger.. The only way is everything at the same time.. Love, pain.. Same time. It's the only way. That's why.

Wow I'm still here.. I made it. Ooooooh... Hahahahaha... Thank you, thank you thank you thank you... Oh my gosh.

Should I drink the last little bit in my glass?

NOOOOO!!! Not tonight... certainly not tonight.. Hahahaha. Oh no.

Wow.. Wow, wow, wow.. What happened? Hahahahaaha.. Oh my. I am just a baby. Yes. I was cradled, briefly, in the ultimate womb. I'm certainly not ready for this. But then, who really is? Will I do this again? Hahahahaha.. I want to say no, but I know that's a lie. Oh my.. oh my. Thank you Source. Thank you for being gentle. I understand you had to scare me a bit at first I guess.. But wow, I really am afraid of dying.. I hadn't realized it until now. Wow... Sooo grateful to be alive. Thank you.

---

So yes... It worked. And that was a small dose? Hahahaha... I'll add more if it comes to me, but I need to get ready to go pick my daughter up now. But wow I wanted to share that. Hope it wasn't too hard to read the whole thing.. I figured first-person prose was really my best chance at conveying things.. That's the best I can do right now at trying to catch the thoughts in my head.. Because that's where most of it took place, in my head.. Part of it was somewhere out in the universe, but this small dose... mostly inside me. And wow, I'm glad I started small..

congratulations digital phreedom!!
good job. it sure sounds like a full ayahuasca breakthrough experience. i can relate with a lot of your trip, especially about overlooking whats always been there. this is a common re occurring theme in my dmt journey's.
how much caapi did you drink?

Thank you for the experience! I was riveted. It reminded me of my first mushroom experience where they had to scare this shit out of me and show me how serious of business they could be. I thought I was just gonna see everything like a cartoon....yea right.

Anyway, I think you hit it on the head right here



Yes. Really think about it. Consciousness is a huge gift! We humans have a lot of power, especially when combined. I've been recently having this talk with my friend after a few spice experiences. That consciousness is a gift and now with that understanding, it becomes harder and harder for me to want to drink a night away or spend a whole afternoon watching TV and boozing. All those things numb you to the incredible world around us.

I've yet to have any aya experience, but wow this report got me prepared than ever. This is serious business!

(j/k i knew it was before, but I still have some time before I truly embark on the experience)

thankyou

Haven't gotten through everything yet, but 6g is typically seen as pretty large dose for Mimosa. Be careful

from the Aya thread

Thank you for your replies so far! I'm so glad to have a place like this to share these experiences! So grateful..

O-Mon: It was just a little under 60g yellow Caapi, pounded with a hammer and shredded a bit further by hand. 3 rinses each about an hour and a half. And as for a full breakthrough.. I don't know. I'm not sure since it was only my first real experience, but I'm not claiming a FULL breakthrough. I was very afraid of death and letting go, even though I knew it would be the best thing to do, I couldn't bring myself to let go all the way.. I don't think I broke through all the way to the other side, but when the fear started to subside I think I was given a small glimpse of the all-encompassing love that's on the other side. This plant teacher gave me exactly what I needed.

Kwisats: First, I love your avatar! Dunecat.. Rofl.. Hahaha, I love it! Love the lyrics from your signature.. At the start of the trip Shpongle was too intense and I had to take my headphones out. But later I returned them and it was so comforting.. Having a steady beat to return to, and hearing such kind words and sweet voices.. I love the female vocalist that sings some of the lines! That voice is so beautiful.

Mal: Wow.. So perhaps it was a large dose? I guess it still depends on the strength of this particular batch/plant. I realize more now how strong Mimosa can be, but I still had the feeling that even though it was so incredibly intense, what I got was a light experience. I could still see what was in front of me when I opened my eyes, and I never fully lost my sense of self. I've had one ++++ experience before, where I forgot that I existed and time didn't exist, and this wasn't quite there. Not that that's what I'm looking for or anything.. I trust in these plant teachers and believe that as long as my intentions are true, they will provide exactly what I need.. I realize that if my intentions are to experience what I've read about from others experiences, or to have a "breakthrough", or some specific experience, it will probably end with more fear and a thorough mental ass-kicking instead.

Thank you all!

60g caapi with 6 mimosa is a very huge dose for me..I did something close to that 3 weeks ago and it freaked me out..I had alien voices I couldnt see speaking to me and was seeing crazy honeycombed energy worlds..

30-50g caapi with .5-2g mimosa is the range Itend to dose within most of the time..

well break through or not its sounds like you got quite a bit out of your experience and im happy for you.

i took 140g caapi and 3g mimosa last night myself but didnt have your good fortune. i used a tiny amount of ph adjuster used in hydroponics gardens instead of vinegar to acidify and i think most of the actives precipitated out. i think it contains hydrochloric acid which i was told traps actives in the sludge. since i didnt drink the sediment my brew was pretty inactive. i might write a post about not using hydrochloric acid.

I'm no expert, but I've done a loooooooot of research here and other places. I can think of a few things or combo's things that could have made your experience on the lighter side of dosing.

- Weaker batch of Mimosa
- Weaker batch of Caapi for less inhibition
- Brewing technique still not perfected for either
- You are not very sensitive

Weaker batch of Caapi is probably the least likely as even if it is a bad batch you shouldn't need very much for inhibition. Brewing technique is probably the mostly likely cause of why it might not have been a more light experience even if all the ingredients were quality.

As for ++++ as far as Shulgin explains, (some people covered this in a different thread), I think he basically is saying that experience is totally out of the scope of his normal +,++ and +++. Truly unique and not necesarilly related to dosage. You can't just get a ++++ by taking huuuuuge doses of stuff. You for sure will guarantee a crazy +++ that may be very freaky and terrifying and dissociative and all sorts of things by doing this, but ++++ basically seems like the "state" of Samadhi etc that religous people have been talking about for ages and there isn't much you can do to guarantee that

I was more bringing this up to potentially spare you from thinking 6g was light and mistakenly taking 10+g of mimosa for your 2nd true experience when you might brew it better or have better ingredients. Pretty much everyone seems to think 5g of properly brewed good mimosa as the admixture is quite a large dose. So keep that in mind when you experiment further.

Mal: Thanks again for the tips. I'm sure my brewing technique is far from perfect, it was only my second time. I have much to learn. And yeah, perhaps I'm not sensitive to it.. but uh, I'm not going with that assumption yet! Haha.. It was weird.. I could tell it was a "rough" experience, but still felt light on the DMT side at the same time.. I'm not sure how to explain it.. Felt like the Mimosa was messing with me, not the DMT. If that makes sense?

And yeah, I agree with what you said about the ++++ experience, and I understand that too.. The ++++/ego-death experience with LSD I had was my first time taking LSD, which was only planned for recreation. I had NO idea what had happened to me at first until I started researching and remembering. But I have on many times taken 5 to 10 times that amount of LSD and had great/crazy experiences, but nothing close to a ++++. So I agree it's not very dependent on dosage. I know the Shulgin scale is for explaining psychoactive effects, but I think even in one of his books he says that plus 4's can be obtained without the use of chemicals at all.

And just.. wow. Yeah, if most people think that's a big dose, I'm going to listen to that. I certainly won't be using over 6g Mimosa anytime soon. I'm going to be using Chacruna my next time, but will only have 50g to work with. Do you guys think using all 50g would be ok? That's what I'm leaning towards doing. And I'll probably need to get more Chacruna to start working with that more for my brews.. I'd like a more benevolent teacher with my Aya for now. Will probably use the Mimosa to extract. Though I don't want to make a habit of smoking, because though I'm sure this can be fun and exciting in a sense, I'm still only a few months away from a horrible addiction to heroin, and I'm in this right now strictly for teaching and healing.

Also, quick question. For those of you with some Aya/DMT experience.. What are your thoughts about my lack of visuals? It's not that I'm doing it for the visuals. I learned plenty from that experience without them, and don't really feel a need for them. I guess it could be neat, but not being able to see even with my eyes open could be scary. (In fact, at one point last night during the trip I got very very cold and covered up completely with a blanket. At one point I opened my eyes and didn't notice a change and thought "Oh no! The visuals are so strong all I see is black and bits of color blobs like when my eyes were closed! Oh no!! It took me a good couple seconds to remember I had a blanket over my face. Haha) But anyway, has anyone else had an experience like this without very much visuals? Does this indicate anything about the dosage? Or just more about my particular response to these plants?

Thanks all!

Love & Fireworks

I really dont understand that..thats a HUGGGGEE dose there..how long are you brewing for? are you doing at least 3 boils for 2-3 hours each?...I dont even use acid BTW..i just use pure spring water and nothing else..works for me just like the river water works to the natives...

They must have precipped out or else you just have some strange vine there..even with less potent vine 140g is ALOT..I cant ever imagine drinkign that much and not being utterly blown away,stuck to the floor begging for my life.

Also the more you drink the more sensitive you become..

fractal enchantment
i completely agree, its more than strange, i don't understand it either but i can tell you why i think the acid has to be a factor. but first to answer your q'

my brew was from ms.manicminxx. sticky followed to the letter of the law except i used 10 drops ph down solution per gallon distilled h20 and not vinegar. my ph was 3.6 (i have a digital meter).
the vine was from heavenly products yellow caapi and i used it within weeks of receiving it.

first brew- **(FIRST AND ONLY TIME I DRANK ALL THE SEDIMENT AFTER REDUCING)**100g caapi brewed as stated above. ate light all day stopped eating 5 hours prior to ingesting.
effects were extremely strong. difficulty walking and moving, full on visual hallucinations, purging out of both ends. effects lasted well past 7 hours. i dont think i could have handled any more and this wasn't my first rodeo.

second brew- 300g caapi (from same batch, and brewed exact same way) i split up into 3 portions. ate light all day, stopped eating 5 hours prior other than a cup of fresh fruit 45 min before ingesting 100g caapi tea.
effects were barley noticeable. slight shift maybe a body warmth high but not much. no nausea or purge. effects lasted less than an hour or 2 after coming on.

last night- 120g caapi from same brew as 2nd attempt, plus 1.35g mhrb brewed separate for 2 hours (but taken together), decanted and reduced.
effects were very mild but more than second attempt. at 45 min i drank 20g more caapi and .75g mimosa.
effects were increased but still mild, i was starting to feel the dmt at this dose but the visuals (closed eye) were forced a bit. audible hallucinations were also just beginning. nausea came in waves but was lite. drank another .75 mimosa.
effects- by this time i was getting pretty tired and a little bummed out as ive been waiting around for 2 plus hours and this was my second mis fire. i didn't really notice in increase in effect from the final shot of mhrb. i couldn't sleep all night and felt very speedy or like i was kicking opiates.
however i felt great today considering the lack of sleep.

here a reply from another post after my second attempt had failed.


SO IN OTHER WORDS the actives had to be locked up in the sediment. the other 2 times i decanted and tossed the sludge.

Update:

Because I just realized I don't think I either said it or was specific enough in my post, and because it just really occurred to me.. Most likely the reason my experience was still something I consider light despite 6 grams of Mimosa; It was only in my stomach for around 5 to 10 minutes before I purged. Definitely not more than 10. I don't know for sure because I didn't check the clock and it hit me so fast time was already starting to dilate. But now that I think about it it makes perfect sense. That's why I purged so fast and so quick. Because my body realized I had taken way too much and it was trying to save me. That's my guess anyway. Thanks body.

congrats Digi! It sounds like you got what you were looking for.

Fantastic report, thank you for sharing it! This does sound like a mostly Caapi brew, so your theory involving the purge makes sense to me.

Be cool, be well.

man, that was awesome. i was reading and i felt like i..."i".....was there, too. love it.

LOL. awesome.

sooo will you continue to drink or was that your message you dont need to?? haha.

my question too.

Thank you all so much for your kind and encouraging responses! I love knowing that you guys enjoy reading this stuff.

And blossom, re: will I do it again.. The way I look at it is like this.. If the Dali Llama came and knocked on my door and offered me a free lesson, who the hell am I to say no to that? That's how I view plant teachers like Aya and Iboga. I don't feel I "need" them anymore, but since I have the opportunity to learn from them, who am I to turn down such a wonderful gift?

Great write-up digital! Thanks for putting the time in to write this, reassures me of my upcoming first experience.