http://www.realitysandwich.com/flight_hummingbird

^I really like Ross Haven and that really says it all. Every day this week I have concidered writing up a report concerning what I have been going through..this week has had me going through he deepest expeiences of my entire life..it started 8 days ago when i drank about 60g red caapi and 6ish grams of mimosa. I lay there in fear, dying, with disembodied voices speaking to me, being downloaded into geodesic grid systems..I fought i hard until I gav up and the experience gave way into love and I felt stronger becasue of it..

I have pushed myslef to go deeper and deeper with changa on multiple occasions this week.. have died more times this week than I thought I could handle. I dont know how to talk about those experiences, but I will say this, most of them were terrifying, coupled with cycles of complete ecstasis..when the mind is removed we are free to move into states of erotic body consciousness that are indescribable..

But still..something lingers..I have been grasping for love..trying to push it on myself..trying to push myslef to love more..love more..I ALWAYS need to love more..which is a dualistic mindset to push and carry around all the time. These breakthroughs I have been having with vaped DMT, however completely mindblowing have actaully illuminated some sort of saddness inside of me..

A "saddness" that until today I couldnt quite identify..I woke up today, again, and loaded my pipe before it was even 9am..I had to face this thing..and I saw it..the "sadness" that I though these deep deep experiences had awakened was not really a sadness at all..more a subconscious attempt at balance..since I have been trying to force myself into deeper and deeper states of universal "carebear" type of love, its created an imbalance, a shift into an unnatural state of polarity..I really saw it for what it was today..an attempt to balance this unnatural push for exagerated positivity(that drains me) with a sort of downregulated "negative" state, since my higher self really is seeking balance..a state of peace, beyond the sillyness of polarity..

Then I felt it, I saw it...the love I feel in hyperspace is not universal love the way I read about universal love the way it is so often described...the universe doesnt need to "love" at all actaully..it doesnt need to do anything..it just is and it is acceptance..everything is accepted and NOTHING is forced..there is NOTHING to forgive and there is NOTHING to strive for..

THAT is real love..that is where you find the ecstasis of the universal body of creation that lies beyond the games of mind..remember that and accept it next time you enter hyperspace..remember to do nothing..

Now..I love ayahuasca and I love DMT and mushrooms..but I have really been thinking back to my experiences with san pedro these last 2 days. San Pedro always makes me still..makes me see NOW..San Pedro gives me the courage to love everything as it is and not judge..to only accept..Even now, months after my last san pedro experience I can still feel the connection, the poetic song of the world that it envkes as the thing AS IT IS, just by thinking of it..I feel blessed for the sacred cacti that have chosen to take residence along my window cill..I cant wait to work with it again, I feel that its really what I need right now..Since the first time I ingested it I always knew that ayahuasca and pedro work together..and I really believe that pedro is a master weaver that knits togther all the loose ends that can tend to dangle aimlessly in the wake of ayahuasca and DMT..

Ayahuasca and DMT are really great at illuminating the areas of which we need work..but without the actual work and integration of those areas that pedro always seems to provide me, I might get way lost..mescaline just makes me feel right.

How true. Cacti really have a great way of providing stability and reassurance when you need it. I haven't experienced Aya yet but DMT has become like a North Star in my life, a place where I can look to and move on in a positive direction to. Good luck with your trials Fractal, great post.

if you haven't already done so, check out dragon-n's caapi tea + msc poweder report:

https://www.dmt-nexus.me/forum/d...aspx?g=posts&t=14273

Hmmm...I belive SWIM could try this himself the next few days.....

i used to feel lost a lot from the open-ended revelations DMT and mushrooms brought. it's true for me too, that cactus has always brought me back to the ground and showed me HOW to do those "formless" things i was seeing. DMT trips tend to take you somewhere else. cactus always felt like i was just sitting in my room, on this earth, learning how to give to and love the inhabitants of this earth more and more.
DMT may hold the keys to the starship, but we have to learn our lessons on earth before we can graduate to understanding those levels of reality.
cactus seems to be the middle man!

beautiful post fractal, thanks for sharing!