Hello I'm Ka. I've been a long time reading the nexus. I have been growing cactus for the last 12 years and have found myself with natures abundance. Most of my experiences with the medicine have been by either eating the cactus raw, or by ingesting crude extracts made from evaporated tea. My largest does was about 3' of bridgesii. That was a deeply personal experience, but I won't go into that right now. I recently started reading the nexus again to learn more about M extraction and I want to thank everyone that contributed to the Cielo tek. I will be trying this tek for the first time soon. I've been microdosing regularly for a while.
On a personal note, I have some healing to do. I'm in the process of getting a divorce after my ex left me and had a baby with someone else. I've been pretty deeply devastated by that, but I feel that I'm making progress...
For the past 6 months as I fall asleep some dark memory has been trying to surface. Something that I blocked out completely. What I didn't know. I have a pretty good memory of childhood, but this event I knew happened before childhood memories begin. Every night for months, falling asleep and I would start up and say something terrible happened. I saw something, but it's completely blank. I knew I had blocked something big. And then on Christmas eve I was talking to my brother. He was talking about things we should NOT bring up at Christmas in front of our mom. And then he says remember the first time we drove to Wyoming and saw someone get murdered? No! What happened? Apparently when I was 2-3 years old I witnessed a murder. I don't remember it at all. At least I know what happened now. The memory that was trying to make its way to the surface. It must have been bothering my brother too. I'm 41 years old, he's 46 and he never told me about it before now. I've pursued psychedelics for a long time, especially cactus. It makes sense now why. I've been trying to heal this trauma the whole time. There were a lot of other fugged up things that happened when we were kids, plenty of traumas I do remember. My intention and my purpose in pursuing these substances has always been to heal my inner child, that much is clear to me now.
I look forward to sharing more about my experience with growing cactus and the medicine. It truly is a great teacher.