Awareness is painful.

I have a lot of resting anger that I harbor deep inside, mainly managing on my own. It's not fair to make others deal with it...

This is precipitated by the fact there was a shooting at the high school I graduated from that happened last week.

I'm not even going to get into the list of things pissing me off about the world, my life stress aside. The specifics don't matter. But my fury is evident.

I'm over being considerate of the views of the loudest ones with the weakest arguments, so sure of their conviction, bolstered purely by bias and not expansive reason and thought and permeating such behavior of thought to the masses, increasing insipid vapidity. I'm at a point where I care what someone else thinks only to the point of what kind of bulls*** I may have to encounter and deal with. I'm over feeling bad for thinking that people are stupid.

Feel free to ignore. Feel free to delete. I just wanted to get a little of this out of me before starting work.

You have my gratitude for you tolerance.

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I'm sorry you feel this way and I certainly can sympathize.

Imagine being an intelligent woman living in this overmasculin s***show of a culture.

Imagine watching as over a period of 30 to 40 years endless males have insisted that in the United States of America there now be 1.5 mass shootings a day. Imagine this as a woman who's been accused as all women have been of being hysterical and historianic watching this and realizing that it is males who cannot control their emotions or hormones and must act out violently.

Imagine being a woman and understanding that you will never live in a world without war due to male greed.

Imagine being a woman who saw things starting to change for the better when she was a child, saw things moving towards true equity and then watched as greedy males carefully whittled away at everything to ensure that we've done nothing but go backwards, live in a culture of concentrated greed where it is very difficult to get the bills paid unless you work a crazy number of hours every day of the year and still get no real benefits, no guarantee of retirement and speaking for myself no matter what I do no access to medical or health care.

Imagine being a woman in a culture that is rife with institutionalized misogyny. A culture that insists you cannot go above a certain level simply because of the body you were born in and not due to your qualifications or character. A culture that says because of the body you are in you will always make 25% less than the other gender as you always work 25% more in the home and outside of the home. Imagine being in that body and having to accept that lower income and then realizing that the other gender gets charged less and receives more for goods and services then people in your body.

Imagine that just because you were in a certain body you must spend your entire life being addressed as a child, infant, animal or object.

Imagine that you in fact have no personal choice over what you do with your body because another gender thinks they have the right to control it.

You think you know anger? Try again.

Thanks for sharing your process, void. I hear you and I can relate very much because I go through the same feelings, frustration and anger about the world. İt seems that it has become a world where shallowness or toxicity or illusions or downright lies have the megaphone and are dominanting human consciousness while authentic truth and goodness are humbly hiding in the shadows (perhaps it has been this way for most of history, but to me it seems that the structures that cause this to happen have advanced to extremity in today's world). Whatever the state of the world, we need to cultivate a state of inner peace so that we can be effective in contributing to goodness... So I wish that for you and I and everybody else ❤️

Seems like I triggered you... it's not a competition...

Bear in mind, I avoided listing the plethora of things pissing me off. I can assure you, what you've stated is something on my mind daily and adds to my anger. I'm one who commonly corrects people when they try to associate certain behaviors with certain genders, such as "that's just what women do," etc. That said, this black straight male is upset on your behalf...

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Misogyny exists but I suggest a bit of travel before you label the whole world this way Pandora! There are many cultures outside where you must be in which women are revered and empowered. While I do agree that the world is run by idiotic, egotistical males and this is the main cause of many problems, the situation is far more nuanced than simply saying men have it great and women are stomped into the dust.


I agree with you Void, although I would use the word ignorant before stupid. The systems in place that are designed to keep us ignorant are highly evolved, refined over millennia. The last few years has shown us how easily manipulated the population of the whole world is.


America has a very serious problem with public shootings. No other country can compete with that lunacy. None of the rest of the world even can understand the situation. It is extremely odd.

Thank you for your connection and understanding in this matter, dithyramb. I try to be a conduit of balance and a purveyor of growth and connection, but it's becoming more difficult. As you've mentioned, I need to turn inward more.



Perhaps I have too high of expectations of others or think that people have higher capacities than they do, but I'll add ignorance to stupidity in equal measure. There's too much lazy and faulty reasoning towards sloppy conclusions with airs of conviction and certainty.



Thank you as well, brother. Because my father often lashed out with his anger, and I've wanted to avoid behaving like him, I'm learning to own and be okay with the fact that I'm angry.

A lot of what's perturbing me has done so since my teens, but today it's a different beast.

And thank you for the dark humor (pic)

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I remember the period when I had all the bottled up anger inside come out, up there with the hardests things I have ever had to experience, it was well worth it though.

There is a lot the be gained from experiencing, accepting and processing all the anger, much energy to be freed and to be used for any other purpose the self wants.

I dont want to get your hopes up, but this was probably my first step away from depression.

I too had a time in my life where I had an intense episode of depression. I certainly can't compare what I experienced to what certain human beings go through every day, but I can say I suffered.

And in fact I felt that the turning point was precisely the acceptance of anger towards the world...it all started from a little thing: in summary, without going to the details, I noticed the absurd selfishness of those who had to help me (professionally) overcome what I was going through. And at the end of the session, once I was alone, I thought "how the f***k can you be such a piece of s**t!!!" and at the same time I laughed, because the situation was so absurd to be funny. And I can't explain it, from that moment something clicked.

I hear you, man (and Pandora as well). If you're not infuriated at the state of the world (and the U.S. in particular), you're either not paying attention, have succumbed to living in apathy or are on the wrong side of an ideological divide.

Stay pissed, my friend. Not all view points are equal, and not all voices are worthy of respect, civility or consideration. Find your north star and make your stand. That's really all you can do.

It's totally okay to feel this way sometimes.

I don't know what to say about what happened at your old school man. Something like that would certainly mess me up quite a bit.

When one of my neighbours was murdered and found dead by his six year old daughter in a pool of blood, i stayed angry for i don't even know how long. I realy wanted to kill the guy who did that so badly. Luckily i did not act on those feelings, but i thought about it a lot.
Realy felt a thirst for blood then.

Sometimes it's just impossible not to feel that way.

Thank you guys for your understanding and support. It's a weird territory for me. Partly for a philosophic reason: what makes my x viewpoint strong enough to look down on or ignore y viewpoint? What makes me justified... it's okay though. Through my scope of incisiveness, understanding, and veracity, and honesty with myself, I'm not obligated to justify any of the above.

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Anyone who isn't willing to see your or someone else's point of view can be ignored without any guilt or remorse.

I agree.

I'm also very critical and philosphic... not to diminish my intuition...

Need to work on giving myself credit, trusting myself, and tuning more out. I've run the damn gamut enough. Maybe I can feel a little more ease... idk.

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Pandora... I don't think this is the right time or place to do some male bashing based off of personal experiences. The man is grieving the deaths of kids in a school of which he is an alumni.

As for men being violent, are women not capable? If I can add my own victimization in here since that seems to be the trend... in 2020 I found myself in court defending my life because I was being abused by a woman, whose lawyers attempted to convince the judge and jury that my wounds were self inflicted. Thankfully, every one, including the judge, were able to look through her crocodile tears. I hated women for a while after that... but I realize all women are not like that... the same way you should feel about men.

This whole community is 99 percent men and I'm sure it's been pretty welcoming to you as I see that in the chat as well. SO it's kind of unfair to attack men as a whole. With society in general, I'm tired of the whole toxic masculinity nonsense. It's dangerous and divisive.

"Don't use the Nexus for venting your personal frustrations, please question yourself why is each post being written, if it is beneficial to the community." 2.6 Attitude

I speak of you often and enjoy every interaction I have with you but the over the top "men are evil and my life is hard because of it" is pretty frustrating. And to tell Void to "Try Again" just downplays his sadness and anger as being trivial compared to your own. Sorry for being so coarse but now I'M angry. RAGE THREAD.

And, at the same time, the same politicians are making any display of drag illegal.
The Supreme Court decided years ago that the manner in which you dress is free speech.
So, mention to the Second Amendment crowd that maybe, "First Amendments first."
They will answer, "But, what about the children?" while not getting it no matter how many times you tell them to think about that.

Oh, I don't think she said anything inaccurate. I mean, what specifically could you point to in her statements that is?

The "try again" comment may not be so nice in response to someone grieving over yet another school shooting, but to deny that gender based wage inequality exists in this country is crazy, because it absolutely does.

Same with denials about war being waged on women's bodily autonomy, because it absolutely is.

Or somehow denying that men commit the vast majority of violent crimes, because they do.

Culturally, we are currently backsliding into the 1950's, and this a purposeful shift imposed entirely by the same white, male, Christian Republicans who value corporate profit and pandering to the lowest common denominator over school childrens' lives, seek to limit the voting rights of black and brown people, and offer nothing but culture war outrage in lieu of actual governance for the people.

I just don't think that anyone who is interested in an accurate narrative can deny that, in this country anyway, there is a rampant culture of misogyny.

Ok so we went from school shootings to misogyny to politics? This thread should be put down. A trans man (Audrey Hale) just killed 6 people including three 9yr old children at a Christian school in Nashville which was an obvious hate crime but ok... it's all straight white republican christian men's faults.

This wasn't how I intended this to go. Apologies for the OP.

Locked

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Uh, what....? You can miss me with all of that.

Who the hell do you think was responsible for this person's ability to legally purchase 7 assault weapons?

Falling back on Transphobia and making assumptions about what was or wasn't in the mind of the shooter (and suggesting it was a Christian hate crime committed by a Christian graduate of the school), in order to obfuscate failed policies and a culture of daily gun violence... It's telling; that's all I'm going to say.

There's no need to debate with you further.

I received a request to unlock this thread...

However...

I intentionally avoided being anymore specific than I was so as to not stir dissent and confrontation. So much for that.

Being too specific also would open the door for this to become highly political. And I'm not trying to deal with that anymore. There's a reason that people end up angry after talking politics with me and why I tell people they want to avoid certain discussions of a political nature with we/

To be honest, the Nashville shooting is what tipped the scales for me and made me lose it, partly because I'm still trying to make sense out of what occurred at my high school. And Full disclosure, school shootings have always severely bothered me, being in the same city as where Columbine occurred...

I also chose not to be more specific because my anger isn't black and white and never has been. The issues aren't either. I suppose one way to say it is I'm livid at everyone on behalf of everyone. And not a literal "everyone."

Let's take the Nashville shooting as an example. While I find it disgusting and abhorrent and that there's no excuse, I still can't help but wonder and feel for the shooter. Sure, many school shooters can simply be said to be contemptible people, but all of them? I can't say, because I don't know the circumstances that led to their actions. In the case of Nashville, seeing some details such as the shooter being transgender (with a history of mental health struggles) and that the school is on the grounds of a church and is a private Christian school... I wonder how much of the position of the church and this person's experience with such led to their actions. How much of their motivation was inspired by them being marginalized and targeted? And not only by said church, but by people on the whole, because it's still a popular trend to castigate and belittle transgender peoples. While this excuses nothing in my mind, I do find it pertinent, as their experiences are causal elements that led to this tragedy. Perhaps, for some that commit such heinous acts, a bit more kindness by society could've helped prevent this.

All the same, I don't know, but these are considerations that my values tell me are appropriate to make.

There was also I bivalent intent behind the OP; as a therapeutic outlet for myself as I navigate and better own these feelings and emotions, as well as to bolster others through the act of bearing my vulnerability openly. I've found that when I'm feeling a sense of "weakness" it can be shared and used by others as a source of power for them. There's a lot of talk of being positive and yada yada yada, but I find such a stance delusional and inauthentic, and by sharing my state others may enable them to feel more comfortable acknowledging similar states within themselves.

I could dig into a lot of things said, but it's inconsequential to do so. All I ask is that everyone interacts in a manner that unites us, not divides us. That's what we need right now. We shouldn't be downplaying and invalidating each others' experiences and feelings and we shouldn't be interacting in a manner that is antithetical to our scruples of kindness and compassion.

Sending love to you all.



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