sometimes when i am going to sleep i see(imagination) something strange,its like a huge ball is placed in a little container and when that happens i feel i am getting crazy.and i feel something big in my mouth that can't be put in a logical manner.i guess it is a fear of confronting with paradox i don't know why it happens but my mind has a habit of having irrational thoughts before sleeping it is caused by taking antipsychotics for years.and i am not taking them because i don't need them now.
i guess maybe its a memory from my childhood that something like that happened and it got into my mind.
i want to know if anyone has anything like that in his mind?that can be triggered sometimes.

EDIT: i can't continue writing i am getting some bad feeling when i think about it

Having bizarre, irrational thoughts while entering or leaving the sleep phase is commonplace and related to hypnogogia/hypnopompia. It happens to me from time to time and I suspect it happens to most people. Perhaps you just notice it more or are more inclined to remember.

The thing with hugeness juxtaposed with tininess is something I've experienced as well, particularly during my childhood. For me it happens along with a sensation of eggshell-like smoothness and its conjugate, a crinkliness like crumpled paper. There is also a sensation of pure whiteness and perfect inky blackness. Anne Shulgin (R.I.P.) described a phenomenon similar to this in part one of TIHKaL. It seems to have various stages and levels.

Have you ever read TIHKaL? There's a whgole lot of useful information in the first part (as well as the chemical recipes in part two). From what Anne Shulgin has said, it may be worth relaxing fully into the experience and seeing where it leads you, minus any of that cognitive 'noophonic paraeidolia'.

You mean like a bowling ball that is ever growing balancing on a toothpick that is ever shrinking?

That was the paradoxical juxtaposition that I remember the most from my childhood dreams. It used to cause me a lot of anxiety as well, even just to think about. However, it's been a long time since I've been confronted with this phenomenon.

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Yes I also have experiences of altered states reminding of your post, before sleeping or just when sitting in 'meditation'. More when I was younger, not as a kid but in my teens.

For me it is a space, a room, with a slowly pulsating red color behind the walls. They are also going between wrinkly and smooth. The proportions feels unusual and my body have other distances between its parts. I've seen this as a 'pre-birth' memory. But I don't really believe it is. It just suits the way it feels.

I've checked my Shulgin reference and it was actually chapter 16 of PIHKaL that I was thinking of, called 'Spiral'. My scanner needs fixing otherwise I'd be posting a pdf here for you.

I thought it was PIHKAL, but didn't wanna be "that guy."

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