I think it can be easy to think of attracting a mate as purely a male problem, because I guess the statistics far favour women regarding the ability to pass on genetic information to the next generation (having offspring), but the reality is, women suffer with this problem too.

I know this woman in her thirties who has schizophrenia, is grossly overweight and has ZERO confidence in herself. She is a virgin and says that she has no hope of ever finding love. Also, a friend of mine lost his girlfriend a few months back to suicide - she had suffered with depression her whole life and was only in her twenties, and VERY attractive (not that it's relevant in a situation like this). It was tragic. Women suffer too.

I am chronically lonely and have had little success with the opposite sex since becoming unwell. The fact is, life is survival of the fittest. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but it's true. As humans, we have more subtle tactics to work our way to the top - we're not overt in our desires. We play the roles of ladies and gentleman - politely we play this game of life and social 'games'. We cover our iron fists with velvet gloves, as we stab each other in the back, of course with sweet smiles upon our faces.

My view of life is pretty screwed as you can see, but it feels very real to me. I don't know if I am too overly aware of subconscious behaviours or what, but it's been really getting me down big-time.

All I can say is that stoicism has helped me more than any substance has. Stoicism covers topics such as determinism, free will and it helps with ANY negative emotion, particularly desire and envy etc. Stoicism covers so many aspects, and it has seriously helped me.

These are not screwed up thoughts it is simply the truth.
Yesterday i learned something from eckhard tolle that only works in german. The word for dissapoitnment is "Enttäuschung" which means disillusionment. He says, most people complain about being disillusioned while that is nothing to complain about ...one should be glad.

It of course isn't a male problem only, but all things equal, it is more problematic for males due to hypergamy. i've also known lonely women but for them it was more about not finding the right person. For quite a few males, it is more about finding anyone at all and they wouzld be thrilled to find a grossly overweight virgin with no confidence.

If you want to get to a woman's heart, you should start by tickling her ears.


Health and wealth matter not, if your words ring like jade bells, any woman is yours.

I am a massive fan of Cynicism and Stoicism. Diogenes is my hero. The pursuit of knowledge and skills is very thrilling, most of the time overpowering the pain from loss of love. But it creeps back unexpectedly. I can't keep a shield up forever. Especially since i see her name every day on everyday objects. That constant reminder is the most painful part. I honestly think i could have healed from this unrequited love years ago if only her name were different.

I didn't read the whole thread but related to the last posting, I find these ideas interesting...


vs.

This statement reminds me on a common phenomenom (in many peoples daily lives ) during f.e. a meditation practice. While f.e. I am sitting, a sensation of pain enters my attention. This sensation will catch my attention as long as I try to avoid or resist it, as long as I don't want to fully experience (feel) and include it, in what is now (Pain avoidance often creates suffering). My attempt to hold back (mostly fear-based) hinders the sensation to transform and complicates integration.



The lack to radically accept self-responsibility creates an illusion of victimization and paralysis (=suffer).



All the best, tseuq

Yeah man I know what you mean. Well male suicide is significantly higher in the Western world, and I'm pretty sure loneliness plays a part in that. I could go on and on about all of this, and how unfair it seems, but I'm trying to not fall into that trap. It won't change anything.

I have been suicidal lately - not because I'm a male on my mono, but because my health issues prevent me from doing anything about it. It's extremely frustrating.

If you haven't already done so, I hope you find love or find contentment in striving to do so.



Yeah I like the cynics too, but I prefer the stoics because they're very in favour of enjoying life's pleasures - just as long as you can live with next to nothing should fate take a bad turn.

Did not read this thread fully. But it sounds extremely tyrannical and ignorant, and ignorance is not bliss. In my honest opinion, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, but if you consciously remove it from your life, it's a sign of sickness in the body, and possibly a piece of fake enlightenment. Made of guilt and grief.

I haven't read every post in this thread in it's entirety but what did strike me in some of the Psilosopher's posts is how a lot of the behaviour and thought processes he describes are very typical of a covert schizoid personality trait (no offence intended). Please note that I call it a personality trait and not a personality disorder as it is not a disorder unless you let it become one IMHO.

There are numerous online tests to check if this is a possibility - a quick google search and 5 min of your time should give you some answers and/or food for thought. I am not a psychiatrist so don't take my word for it.

EDIT:

If you do have schizoid traits, I believe what might be the cause of your unhappiness with your status quo is unresolved internal conflict. The schizoid personality does not place much importance love and sex. The interaction it requires with others is not worth the effort. Masturbation or being asexual is preferable. However the hormonal drive to procreate is relentless in youth and these two opposing forces can cause internal conflict. When there is deep seated conflict at a subconscious level, the mind tries to come up an explanation that will allow it to function albeit in a less than optimal way. Your inability to move on from unrequited youthful romantic affections might be your mind trying to use it as an explanation for a problem it is struggling to get to grips with.