You are truly a master of your craft. I hope you are paid to write so well. Documentation with such eloquence and honesty are a rarity. I commend you good sir.
Your experience mirrors many of my own logical processes along with those of many others.. collectively they seem to aim at some kind of fundamental truth. Perhaps that all is simply an idea. I like to reason that if a simple dream can create a reality so real, what could something just +1 in potential produce? An entire universe? Perhaps we are just figments in the mind of God, or of one energy pang. (hell we're all essentially recycled supernova matter) Science and reason both allow for unlimited possibilities. I'm not religious but I refer to my higher power as God, although I'm not so arrogant as to assume it can be personified.
Your deconstruction of consciousness was astounding and I'm impressed you were able to reflect and analyze the happenings so well. It is funny that those of us with a type of intelligence seem to find more, for better or worse, in these experiences. As if we are more ready to fathom our reality -shared consciousness- whereas others may remain "ignorantly blissful" to this level of contemplation. At times I envy them, both under influence and not. The unburdened mind can never experience the full weight of truth, nor can they experience absolute relief.
You're making great progress. As they say, the "stripping of the ego" or as I like to say, (in memory of Earnest Hemmingway) "we burn the fat off our souls." You are the rare type that is so humble and organized in your thoughts to begin with that there is no "ego" to shed, you are simply being faced with the neurotic nature of reality from which ALL of our minds constantly protect us in order to to preserve our will to survive (hope in spite of inevitable demise). Shedding of mental defenses and defragmentation of the mind is the ONLY way to defeat fear. For me this occurred in rehabilitation years ago, for others it occurs in war or through disaster. A peeling back of our insulated sense of self to face a truth, to face death. I often consider what happens to the conscious mind beyond the wall.
I will make a few recommendations that I truly believe will aid you:
1) Adventures Beyond the Body: a documentation on dream control (because we all like vivid dreams
this may help to understand concepts and improve ability to go further in your experiences) Short and easy read.
2) Plato's Republic, Tao Te Ching, ect. (these types of books may aid in your philosophical search for truth through reason, which is clearly your natural curiosity) take them at conceptual value of course, fundamentalism is always hindering.
3) luminosity.com (I've been using this (the free version) for a few months and I can't begin to describe the improvement in my cognitive processing, hell just add it to your workout routine.. 5 minutes a day with a full service scheduling and tracking program.. your brain is most elastic right after working out I've heard, oxygen and blood flow)
3a)of course be nutritious and healthy if you're doing psychoactives.. it will minimize overall stress and "negative incentive" or "drive motivating" thoughts. it is actually a "negative" emotion when you are thirsty, or hungry, or malnourished or even in need of physical activity. it is supposed to motivate you into action, often with psychological costs.
4) Know Thyself (the most important)
a) write a idealistic bucket list (if you could realistically do/be anything before the end)
b) Develop a moral/ethical philosophy (many people have only a vague concept of this)
b) Keep a journal with the following prompt (daily)
1) Brief reflection on the day (focus on your thoughts/emotions versus newscast)
2) 3-5 things you did right AND 3-5 things you did wrong (think morally)
3) 1 thing you learned/something productive you did
4) statement/goal: "I'm going to wake up at 7 and go on a damn run tomorrow!!
5) The sciences. (astronomy particularly, psychology, physics, bio, chem, ect) wow.. whether you take a class or buy a textbook to read casually these will really expand your concept of reality. you seem like an educated guy so perhaps this is not necessary)
These types of extra efforts take only about an hour or less combined per day to add to your routine.. They will add tremendously to your influenced experiences
whittle away at the wall between you and self-actualization and you may just find a priest in the cell next to you.
unrelated note:
My last dreamscale (vivid control dream) consisted of a highly detailed and colorful cityscape heavily populated and interactive.. (Seattle near pike place specifically) then the daylight sky opened up like a window to the celestial as if the sun was being blocked and all particle reflection suddenly ceased (sun causes the sky to be blue during the day) the moon is magnified by this,
then a meteor tears through the sky, soundless, I turn away but don't run. Panic and confusion, others scream but I face death. a white light envelopes me within seconds, and then, release.. a high frequency energy seems to flow upward from my feet, eyes closed tight but all is white. This emotional state used to be so overwhelming it would always wake me up (as I've experienced it in many dream ends). It has taken practice to remain in this state and subsequently progress after end. I'll stop here. This must all sound like lunacy and only a year ago I'd have completely agreed. but AT LEAST I strongly believe that you actually "add tools to your toolbox". the more you learn and understand the more potential you have. With our mutual friend as an aid, along with practice in controlled dreamstates, my conscious dreamstates (trips) have been much more controlled and sustainable. I've met the wizard, i've died and been reborn, i've faced myself, and most importantly i've overcome fear and hate. And as a previous poster said.. all logic points to this life being a test of right action. love. cause and effect, input and output, action and reaction. put the good in and the good comes out. do good and good will be done to you. we all function on our good qualities, and simply lack others when we do wrong, but we will suffer for these when the layers are stripped away and we are forced to face ourselves, in death or after. maybe we are being tested for some greater function or purpose, maybe we're in purgatory, who knows
these are all concepts discussed in philosophy. The fact that you would sacrifice yourself to save your sons life.. whether you believe that is some s&r instinct or not.. reveals intrinsically good and unselfish nature by any standard.
Seek the wisdom to recognize what is right, and find the courage to do it.
<------ Just look up. That shit is real, and yet they say the mind holds infinitely more potential.