Wow, nothing but goosebumps on reading this one. Amazingly written aswell... even though words can't quite capture the true feeling u must've had. You saying the aya pulled you to the water reminded me of this text i have read a few weeks ago on Erowid: Water Spirit Maybe it's something worth reading about. I found it to be very interesting, maybe you will too.

Peace

Sounds like a monday afternoon for me,

just kidding, this was wonderful. How do you feel now? I had an experience like this, albeit only mushrooms, that took me a while to recover from.

I am only now beginning to feel like I am coming close to (somewhat) processing what happened to me. It felt like I was shell-shocked afterwards, difficulty in social situations and depression and such after the experience. Just recently really beginning to feel as if I have "come down" from the ordeal...

A brilliant report- thank you Quasar


I too was reminded of D M Turners 'water spirit'.

Amazing though that we even can eventually begin to integrate such extreme, harrowing experiences. Your spirit is resilient.

This experience of yours is one of the reasons why I can't escape the feeling that there is much more to consciousness than an evolutionary development of the mammalian meat-brain.

In what evolutionary sense could such terrible wonders as the cosmic "Game Over" screen even become possible? Explanation of these experiences as artefacts resulting from a malfunctioning brain seems so improbable.

Surely such a vast, fathomless consciousness must originate somewhere other than as a result of unthinking, blind evolutionary processes.

I am envious that you have been so far and witnessed so much.

Reports like this always raise more questions than answers for me!

extremely well-written report quasar....thank you so much!!

aya is mighty....that is the simple bottom line. i have done works that have had a baker's dozen folks writhing on the ground shitting themselves and howling like prometheus getting his liver eaten. it's been many, many years since i had an aya journey that decimated me to any extent approaching what you went through...and that baby took me a good week of meditating in the mountains all day long to gradually come back "home".

be gentle with yourself dear friend. that truly was a heroic journey, one that needn't be made all that frequently. journeys of that magnitude are a once-a-year at most event for me now. and admittedly, i wait until i am in a solid place before embarking on something so arduous. i always make sure setting and safety measures are in place as well...but then, after reading this entire thread, i would say that you pretty much have it all figured out in terms of "what to do differently" next time.

....and there WILL be a next time.....you are a spiritual warrior brother....there will be no end to your quest...

much, much deep love for sharing such a powerful experience with such amazing writing ability and obvious passion and honesty. yours is the kind of report that changes the course of human evolution. the people who have already been impacted and will continue to be impacted by what you have shared are the same people who will, as a result, one day write of equally harrowing, illuminating journeys that THEY had thanks to your inspiration.

KEEP WRITING ON THIS FORUM! YOUR VOICE IS STRONG!!

LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!

Good job, and don't be afraid if it takes some time to realize what happened. If you learn too fast your head explodes! And that just sucks.

First of all, thankyou for a lengthy, lengthy read.
the experiences you describe sound unfathomable to me in my current state of being, but yet i know that kind well.

I just wanted though, to personally back these two as I have found them to be true.

Yeah I think this may be something I will continue to process my whole life. I do hate how aspects fade as time moves on though, a motivation for committing this to writing, and I fear I have presented a story adulterated by the distortion of memory... In the future I will be far more quick to record the experience... and next time I may just set up a tape recorder.

This is true, however you must note, the most important parts for your life you will not have to worry about remembering, it was what you gained after that is most important - not always the trip itself... however it is inticing to be placed back in that extremity.

Wow! Amazing and horrifying!
It really makes em think of the one time I've done DMT. I experienced what may have been a warning about the "ride." I began shouting
This is going to be the most disgusting..." then choking up something. I was the only one in the room tripping (we did it one at a time). I had a vision of bodily fluids, too, leaving my body. When it was over, I thought it meant that this whole life - all of existence - was this exciting, horrifying, beautiful, disgusting, terrifying, fantastic, incredible ride, and it WILL end.
My mind kept going to a thrill ride - the Freefall at Magic Mountain. You go slowly, slowly up, up, up and then you are dumped over the edge and it's a fast, terrifying ride down. You find your stomach in your throat, but at the end you just shout "WOOHOO!!!!!"
I've only done this once, and the message you got is the same one I got. Fortunately, mine only lasted 5 minutes and I did not suffer. In fact, I wasn't really fearful for longer than a few seconds. It went to fast.
I, too, have changed the way I view the Universe. It's like I was being prepared or warned, "Keep your hands and feet in the cart at all times. It's going to be a VERY bumpy ride."

And, I forgot to say THANK YOU for sharing this incredible experience. Wow!

Really enjoyed that, thanks for posting

So a year later and mixed feelings ripple through me as I contemplate this experience.

After the experience my close friend who went through this ordeal has experienced severe psychological trauma, I would liken it to shell shock, his experience echoed my hellish one to a certain degree and left him (and I to a lesser degree) imbued with a immense and awesome terror of the unknown undercurrents of reality, the sensation that beneath all of THIS something nightmarish waits for us, and that only a thin veil separates this reality from an unimaginably unpleasant eternity. I get this sensation in waves, nightmarish cold sweats and overwhelming terror as I lay in bed at night, but for him his fears have bled into his daily abilities to function as a human being, disrupting normal thought/behavior patterns and manifesting as paranoia and mistrust and nihilistic/defeatist psychologies which have currently disrupted his existence as a functional human being.

This experience left me inspired to some measure but also left a lasting imprint on both of us of the potentially horrific nature of reality itself, the doomed state of our own existence, and the unavoidable consequences of our transgresses against the divine order.

I can rationalize and philosophize these sensations away endlessly, I can create an infinite number of arguments which reveal the fallacies within such logic and the improbability of such realities, but I cannot (and fear I never will be able to) reverse the deep imprinting, the emotional illogic, the experiential reality of such a startling and traumatic experience on my companion and I.

Quasar, as others have stated, this is a thrilling, and very well written story. Thank you so much for sharing it. I loved every last word.

Physical, mental, and spiritual pain; no one here who holds any amount of respect for spice and it's awesome power is a stranger to it.

Redefining our own existence means confronting the reasons that made us want to. There is humor, and there is laughter. There is love, and there is warmth. When one chooses to expand their conscious mind, hopefully they have not forgotten that pain, and suffering take a strong stance in our reality, and others.

Having been blinded, strangled, thrown to the ground, and beaten mercilessly, I find even now, the memories of such are so deeply seeded that when ever I try to recall small details, I lose myself, and a cold shiver overwhelms me.

It's a continual reminder for me of what I have been through, and how strong it has made me.

WOW. Fuck YES man. Sorry Qasar that you got a handful of dark and not much light. It sounds so far from easy most TV watching political faith having shills would shit their fucking eyeballs right out the god damn sockets, MAN, yes, you did it. Ventured all the way down, all the way deep. So to me it sounds. That nightmare, that dark, that black so much blacker than most could know, is the original state. IMO, out of this, begging itself into, out of nothing, why nothing, well now, everything.

Ok, calm down, but I am unbound by reading your experience. I went through ego death first time not to long ago, on salvia. I missed the mark for diving deep, it wanted me to open my eyes, my new eyes, accept that reality was a dream, and by-god I found a love and desperation to live like I could never imagine.

Where did that line of coke go? The stripper? My drink? Hahaha, those thoughts become so so so soooooo far away

I gotta break, will come back, but this thread has my attention. Someone mentioned shamanic initiation, or heroes journey? Absolutely. Don't stop friend. The warmth is for nothing without the cold. I hope this evolves.

wow. greatd detail. informative.

Thanks for the positive replies. I was wondering if anyone read my updates and I was wondering what sort of advice one would give individuals who have confronted and struggled with the potentially traumatic experiences which the molecule can unleash or catalyze within people.