How do you answer such a question?
Yours is a different approach to death.
As someone who has been fighting an illness for 7 damned years (I'm 26 btw) to grab back a normal life, with proper functioning....
Death was never a promise or an opportunity for me, not for peace of mind truth be told.
Whenever I got a glimpse of it, an overwhelming power of dread, fear, emptiness and cold took over. But this is all anecdotal.
There has been only one singular and very primitive approach of survival on my part.
To be blinded by thoughts of life and existence? I think not.
To keep fighting, keep going, I had to shut it up. Shut the voice in my head. That crept up futility in my veins and my ears.
To keep the numb of emotions, and use pure logic.
Cold it was, and there might have been other options. But I was, only, weak enough to find this one.
And when I've looked around, almost nobody comprehended (or in truth, cared-to comprehend,,,).
Marketing, money career, family and a job, a nice place and happiness? It's almost as of a joke to me.
Peace, joy, music, life, harmony, happiness, what is it? We're getting somewhere.
But relativity is truly where we stand.
How can you be happy, if you are not?
How can I not be happy, if you are?
Is it truly a mixture of emotions and expectations?
Am I happier because my life is just better than yours? Is there a constant scale of happy and unhappy people relative to their current life forms? Does the life form include expectations?
I think so yes. I think that is why shutting down expectations when overwhelmed by emotions is the right answer.
Whenever I've grown in life I had to shut down part of myself.
When I've talked to my Significant Other for the first time, I shut down anxiety and got the conversation (somewhat) going.
When I wanted to get fit, I had to shut down the physical pain and had to keep it going. Training got me where I stand.
When I started cold showers, I had to endure the cold, now it does not bother me.
-When I started meditating, all of what I'm saying here was around me.
If I was dropped to the bottom again,
I would try to climb up by gathering my power of motivation,
enduring and ignoring the power of reality that surrounds me and controls me,
accept the length of the road ahead of me,
and most importantly keep my expectations on a low focus > on getting to a comfort zone.
And repeat, step by step go upwards. Always upwards.
No matter what you think or how you feel.
It does not matter if you've missed a day or two.
Maybe nothing significant happened for a few days - But when you look back a few weeks, and things had gotten only a slight, a little bit, of better. That is when you are on the right road.
This is how I feel.
The wall of text did not give you an Utopia or Meaning of Life. For me it was grabbing the next level, rejuvenate myself and build a proper foundation for a safe mental environment.
The chat is open, this community is understanding, I personally have used it on bad days and I would recommend it to anyone
Good luck fellow travelers !
A second chance? Huh... I thought I was on my fifth.