Please don't be hard on yourself, it's hard enough in itself.
It is really cool to have intends for a ceremony, but avoid too much analysis of what is wrong or should be, doctor plant is doing a job, consider each outcome as a success and trust that. "Acceptance" lies also outside the ceremonial perimeter to put into practice. Just some thought.

My personal works have never been decors of joy or spiritual glamour, no palaces or divine glitter, but rather plain hard work. I settle for that because the change indicate gradual benefit.