Helle again!
I know what you mean. Have you considered listening to music when he is around? Personally this helps me whenever I find myself in the situation you described.

The answer you search is in you. Lol, I had to say it since its true: you say you constantly need to remind yourself to let go of your ego. This is a hard thing to do. There's a phrase from Einstein that I like very much (maybe even the best quote of all time imo): "The true measure of a man is the degree to which he has managed to subjugate his ego."

I'll let you reflect on that

If I can just bump in, I must say that brokenchild has given you very good ideas to reflect on that I will also reflect on.

Thank you brokenchild

Very wise words, and that's exactly the approach I try to take for the most part. It's a little more complicated than him simply not wanting to take part in some things in my life style...he teases and is condescending about the way I live my life quite often. It's not exactly malicious or cruel, but he does tease. I always invite him to take part and just leave it at that, but it's the jokes and teasing that end up making me feel angry or frustrated.

He thinks most of what I do with meditation, yoga, tai chi, even psychedelics is all 'hooey' and 'new age hippy BS' (his words). I try to not get offended and kindly (okay...sometimes a little snippy) ask if he wants to see what it's all about and join me sometime. We just see things very differently. That's something I like about him...he allows me to see another perspective on things a lot of the time since we're so opposite from one another. When people talk about us as a couple they say we're good together because we compliment each other very well. Very different, yes, but it works for us.

I've always been very sensitive and have my feelings hurt pretty easily, so I try to stay aware of that and not get upset with him when he's just doing a little teasing or kidding around. But those little insults, even when they're framed as a joke, are the way he really sees me and the things I do. But like I mentioned earlier, he's very stubborn and not very quick to change his mind on things so it could take another couple years of communication between us for him to possibly open up. If he doesn't ever want to live the lifestyle I choose, that's fine with me and it doesn't bother me much. I just get upset when he puts it down and makes fun because he chooses to stay ignorant to it.

/rant

Sorry if I took over your thread 0neir0naut. We have similar problems though, don't we?

the term subjugate, if I understand it rightly;

sub·ju·gate
ˈsəbjəˌgāt/Submit
verb
1.
bring under domination or control, esp. by conquest.

Is wrong, in any direct application of itself. Because control and dominance comes out of ignorance, it's limiting in its applications; it's a power play. You don't want control, and you don't want dominance, you want direct and penetrating understanding into the thing itself. Through direct and penetrating understanding, you gain wisdom of it's direct function and application, which allows you to use it harmonically when needed, where needed. I'm not sure I fully understand the ego myself yet, but the one true thing I can tell you about it is that if it does have beneficial applications, they're clearly limited, but that doesn't mean that it cannot be used properly and appropriately. But the only way to that, is through direct understanding of the entire thing itself.

And if, through direct understanding, you realize that the whole thing is a poison to begin with, then it drops of its own accord, because you see it through and through and understand its total function; not because you tried to control or dominate it, those are simply wrong approaches to any aspect of life

Thank you

No problem! You should check the rest of the shows out if you enjoyed it. I really love On Being. I take a moment every day to just sit and look out my window whilst I listen quietly to this show. It is very calming and the wisdom and ideas shared are invaluable

True story is true

Many people are turned off by the list price, but in fact, that price is meant to entice the rich to learn to meditate as the wealthy set the trends and fashions of society and "the rich don't shop at poor stores," to quote the old monk who set the price so high a few years before his death.

The strategy to get the wealthy to learn seems to be working, and the David Lynch Foundation uses donations from the wealthy to pay for TM instruction for free to the most needy.

And the wealthy and elite really DO set the trends and fashions of society. The President of Brazil learned to meditate some years back, and now the government of Brazil is setting aside money to train 48,000 TM teachers, one for each public school in Brazil, so that all 45,000,000 (45 million) school-age kids in Brazil will have an opportunity to learn TM for free.

The kind of organization that is able to work with the governments of major countries at that level didn't arise out of charging the absolute minimum price for its services. Even so, the local TM center has resources to make the cost of TM instruction more reasonable, and wealthy individuals often donate funds to bring the price even lower for people who otherwise can't afford to learn.

Not trying to convince you to learn, just pointing out that there's often more than one side to a story.

Thanks for sharing this side. I was unaware of that angle, and I appreciate it. I haven't thought before about targeting the rich! Very interesting indeed.

Well self control is important and domination of our pulsions and ego also. These two words have a negative connotation, but it doesn't mean for the least that to "subjugate" our ego is a bad thing. People, most, are under the dogma and the caprices of their ego. By subjugating it you gain more freedom of tought and of action.

I believe you go to the point were you are right now in your life because you learned to control and dominate your intellect and your emotions, since you give very good emotional advice you must understand your very well. I know understanding doesn't come from control or domination, but for those people with over powerful imagination and emotion control and domination IS understanding.. Theres no negative aspect to these notions in this situation...

I think a truer statement would be that there is positive application to these notions in this situation. I understand entirely what you are saying, and yes; in the cases that total understanding of the impulses you speak of is missing, a certain level of self-control is absolutely vital when it comes to avoiding mistakes out of ignorance of action, but then I still think that personal consciousness should ultimately work to evolve towards total understanding of the relative intricacies and interaction of energies (thoughts/emotions/impulses/desires and their relative interaction), because only through total understanding does one ultimately gain the true wisdom to use these in a creative and productive way without bringing harm on self and others; for the purposes of positive and fruitful enrichment of all

The best and truest utility always comes out of clear understanding, not dominance... tho in some situations it may be necessary to control and "dominate" until full and clear understanding is established.

That said, I suppose you're right, subjugation of the ego may be a necessary step at times

Just to add to that; indefinite control and "dominance" over the inner energies and emotions will ultimately lead to pressure build up of these emotions and impulses, which in the long run can at times be damaging (where there is pressure, there is always the chance of the bubble "popping" or erupting, which can be damaging if not intelligently released)

That said, I think the occasional healthy indulgence (or healthy "release" of too much pressure from too much control) at times may be necessary to avoid being homeopathic while working to fully and properly understand the inner energies and their relative functions. The ultimate point should be harmonically and freely-expressed interplay, not forced control (tho at times it has it's applications)

I still somehow feel that self-control is one thing, and has positive applications, but total dominance to me somehow seems to imply improper utility. It's a split in your being between your own imposition of will on the total expression of one, or a number, of your own ego impulses which causes separation and suppression of personal energies; the energy that's dominating is suppressing the energy being dominated... the idea is to unify and harmonize this split through understanding of proper function for healthy expression of all of your energies; of your total being. I know it's a bit vague, but I hope that made sense

simply put; dominance creates inner conflict, which we are ultimately wanting to avoid... we want to create inner harmony. But as mentioned, at times it may be necessary, in order to gain the understanding required

I completely grasp what you just said and I think you got me convinced.. Although to subjugate it is the first step before truly understanding it imo..

I like the pressure building up analogy, it's very true! Makes me wonder if Einstein meant dominate and control tough... Maybe just to be more than our egos... Make the ego become "sub" ...

Anyways, good taughts .. Maybe we have prejudice towards the concept of domination tought ? Lol just an idea

I agree with your rephrasing of my last statement btw

To me, as far as domination is concerned, it's not far off from control;

dom·i·nate
ˈdäməˌnāt/Submit
verb
1.
have a commanding influence on; exercise control over

And in this light, it can have a number of beneficial applications. But it's just at best, a necessary step, because that still means that you are fighting within yourself with something. So, you're suppressing energies (hence, dominating). I think the negative implications come when one power dominates over another power, or one energy dominates over another... this is schizophrenic and splitting, you want inner harmony. But at times, self control is a necessary function, just don't stop there... you want total and healthy integration of all of your energies into a full and healthy harmonic expression of your total being...

So, if you have to dominate, that means that somewhere there is a kink in the works, that kink means there's no free-flow of energy; it's like a stuck gear. You want the gears to be functioning smoothly, so it's essential to understand why the gear is stuck and why you're having to dominate on that specific aspect

Couldn't find a happier picture of Einstein. In any case, I guess in the end it doesn't matter, both statements are true if that's the standard by which you choose to measure a man.

I think everyone here might enjoy this

Our planet Earth

In complete agreement with you

:lol haha! That's awsome, I actually prefer it phrased this way...

Oh man, I love this video and everything CONTINUUM does in general. I actually used the concept of 'The Overview Effect' in a recent paper I wrote about humanity embracing the Cosmic Perspective as a way to guide us to a more ecological civilization. I don't think there is a single astronaut who hasn't been profoundly changed by seeing the earth from such a unique perspective. The atmosphere is like varnish on a bowling ball, and we are one sphere in a huge abyss! Spaceship Earth is a wonderful place.

In regards to 'dominate' vs 'understand'. I think words will always fail us when describing consciousness and the act of being conscious. It looks like you were both on the same page, anyway Personally, I feel my ego differently when my perspective shifts to something outside of it; pure awareness. At that point there is no effort involved. Indeed, it's actually the melting away of effort that reveals consciousness. Thoughts, imaginings etc are consciousness - as an energy - being funnelled into a particular shape, if you will. This is my understanding so far.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17jymDn0W6U

“Instead of an intellectual search, there was suddenly a very deep gut feeling that something was different. It occurred when looking at Earth and seeing this blue-and-white planet floating there, and knowing it was orbiting the Sun, seeing that Sun, seeing it set in the background of the very deep black and velvety cosmos, seeing - rather, knowing for sure - that there was a purposefullness of flow, of energy, of time, of space in the cosmos - that it was beyond man's rational ability to understand, that suddenly there was a nonrational way of understanding that had been beyond my previous experience.
There seems to be more to the universe than random, chaotic, purposeless movement of a collection of molecular particles.
On the return trip home, gazing through 240,000 miles of space toward the stars and the planet from which I had come, I suddenly experienced the universe as intelligent, loving, harmonious.”
― Edgar D. Mitchell (Apollo Astronaut)