First of all I want to say, stick with the VG. That gave you what you want, thats what your shooting for (although I recommend changa as well!). NOW just to refine your technique so you can put 20mgs in and get to the same place. Next time have your friend HELP you lay down and PUT A BEANINE on your head before you dose. Either you or your friend PULL that thing down over your eyes. This will ensure that even if you dont close your eyes you will not see the room.

To touch base on your insecurities like when you say "All of the sudden it felt like people were watching me or listening to me" and "I also want to note that on many of my sub breakthrough attempts I get paranoia about posting on here." MANY MANY members feel the same way.

Read the link in my signature. Why I cant have a breakthrough. Long story short, I get paranoid too. I get anxiety. And its all part of the spiritual journey learning to either overcome or deal with them.

Awesome man, DONT GIVE UP!

Just wrote this for people in your shoes. Maybe it can help.

Thanks for the props (I think).

If you're driven to explore this thing, I encourage you to stick with it. You won't get it until you get it, but once you do, I guarantee it will both surpass and defy your expectations. Olympus Mon has given you a pretty fool proof road map to getting there. A friend/drill sergeant to help coax you through the fear of imbibing a sufficient dose can also be very helpful.

I was in a similar situation until yesterday... not able to synth my own and had a limited supply. The only time I was able to breakthrough was on my last few mg.

Funny enough the plan was to just smoke pot and finish off the last of the spice together. Usually when I do this I don't put as much as 'not to waste' ... I think that was my main error in starting out. Someone wrote about not stressing too much about exact measurements and more on how you draw the vapor in.

And ofc there is changa which I haven't tried.

Hey everyone...

It seems I can't do it.

The left/right body issue has gotten worse. For the last week I have had an upper eyelid twitch in my left eye as well, so I am sure that did not help the situation.

I am sad. I don't wish to be to sad, but I am. I loaded the genie with as much spice as possible, I did as many hits as possible, held them in... My whole body feels unbalanced every time. I lay back... Thoughts of life flow through me, I have a hard time keeping still.

Am I the only person who absolutely has a hard time staying still? Everyone else seems to calmy just lay there as if in a dream, and my body wants to do nothing but move. It constantly reminds me it's there. This eye twitch certainly didn't help, constantly reminded me of myself while I was trying to give in to the experience.

I try to concentrate on looking through the patterns, as I know there is more behind it. I can feel it. I know it's there. I can see how it should tear away but it doesn't. I do not have enough left to take off now, my heart is saddened.

I feel as though there is something wrong with my body. Not my mind, but my body. I am now actually slightly worried for my health, although not at all due to my spice usage. Something tells me that something is wrong, and I don't know what. This eye twitch I've had for the last week is certainly getting annoying and slightly worrisome, as is the apathy that I seem to be experiencing this last week.

I love you all, I love everyone. I love this molecule, but it seems I cannot use it to it's full potential. I am hoping one day I will meet someone in my life who will help me along, who's experienced with this. I hope I am healthy enough to partake. So much I...

I hope for positive perspective, I have lots to be happy about in my life, but the other side was something that touched me to my soul, and my inability to reach it is a blow to the ego, as much as I try to not let it affect me.

I will concentrate on love and continue my life always wondering what I was not allowed to see. <3

PS. I have no idea how anyone can breakthrough on 20mg, or even 25mg after all this. I don't know how much more I could of refined my technique with the VG, I took long slow hauls and produced huge milky hits with 60+mg in the pipe, and I held them in with ease. I do not understand how 25mg could be enough, I cannot comprehend it with my experiences of gobbling so much.

I cleared my mind, did breathing techniques before hand... I am sorry, I am just ranting on my disappointment now. I do not know why the universe has played this trick on me.

I understand where you're coming from, whatever it is causing this difficulty may be something we have in common. We used the same extraction tek, maybe that's something to do with it. I'm going to try a different one next time. But I think it may just come down to an extreme inability to "let go". Since my caapi/dmt session I'm having an easier time getting sub-breakthrough experiences that seem more similar to what others describe compared to what I was getting before, and that's exciting to me. But no matter how much I smoke, either with harmalas or without, I've never lost awareness of my body and surroundings or experienced what I'd consider to be anything like ego death. If anything it almost seems to intensify my ego. During the peak of the experience I'm constantly distracted by thoughts and concerns about my everyday life, and discomforts in my body. The feeling is very intense, I become dissociated from time, and there are colorful patterns and such with my eyes closed, but it's nothing like the immersive environments and entities others describe getting from much smaller amounts. Like you I've also had a hard time keeping still, or even just getting comfortable. I'm looking into getting a "zero gravity" chair to help with this, or at least a regular recliner.

I guess where we differ is that for me, even after months of this, giving up on it is the furthest thing from my mind. I've only got one good dose of elf spice left, but even with the MHRB shortage I WILL find a way to continue exploring. Honestly I'm not really even disappointed, it's just where I am right now, and even my "failures" contain important lessons. I'm trying to look at it as a long-term process of development, rather than expecting instant gratification. If others get to meet aliens on their first try, good for them. That doesn't mean I should expect it to be the same for me, or that there's something wrong with me if it isn't. Bit by bit I refine my techniques and try different methods of ingestion, and get more accustomed to the intensity of the experience. And I don't see any reason not to think that sooner or later (probably when I least expect it) I'll be able to turn my back on this world and my attachments to it, at least for a few moments.

So my advice would be try not to take it so hard, or consider it to be something you can't get past. If it's important enough to you, you'll find a way to keep going. If not, that's not any kind of a failure on your part, or a rejection by the spirit world. It's simply a decision to stop trying.

Syrian rue tea + changa = Problem solved.

Keep in mind that some people, like myself, just need more. A lot of people here will tell you otherwise based almost solely on the Strassman study. But a few dozen volunteers hardly represents everyone now, does it?

Stick with it, you'll get there one day. It took me a long time to break through, and the first time I did I was also on acid, which obviously helped a lot.

I'm curious if you, and/or Zeroflight, are particularly large people, like myself. I'm 6'4", 280 lbs. I've read that size isn't supposed to affect dosages with this stuff, but I can't help wondering if that's really true...

I am larger, 220 Lbs. Maybe that is it?

I don't want to give up, I just don't have much choice. I've searched far and wide for a way to continue, and other than growing tree myself there are no other options. I cannot even find clones like AQ1 to attempt that way.

Crazyhorse, exactly. We are exactly alike in this regard. The problems in my body become extremely apparent and I cannot lay still.

Strassman study only had roughly %60 percent (I think) that encounters entities. Perhaps we are unable to? I've had amounts that people here say are scary, and the scariest one I had I just thought I has trouble breathing, no body disillusion or anything of the sort.

If the universe wants me to continue it will find me again. I have to stop thinking about it, it consumes my
dreams every single night and between the lack of supply and lack of experience it's becoming extremely disheartening. I must distract myself.

Well if your only option is grow a tree, then I'd say, better get growin'! Maybe by the time it's ready, you will be too. But you know, MHRB isn't required to make Aya... the two plants you need (caapi and viridis) are, at least for now, still available. You could even do an extract from the viridis, if you still think you'd prefer vaping.

Interesting to know about the weight thing. Maybe there's something to it. I wonder if Strassman's studies included any football player types, or if they were all in a more average size range.

I'm not judging by entity contact alone, I know that's a maybe. Personally, if I just got away from all the usual stuff that's in my head for a minute, or even saw myself as being someplace else, I'd be satisfied. Even some kind of recognizable "vision" that doesn't just look like a screensaver would be nice. But as far as I can tell, in spite of briefly tripping harder than I ever have on anything, I still haven't made it. So far I just stay stuck in my head. I feel connected to eternity, which is very meaningful to me on it's own, and I'd keep doing this even if that's all I ever got. But even then I'm mainly just worrying and watching my brain's screensaver, bouncing my legs along to the icaros without intending to.

But really you should do whatever you feel is best for your particular path. If you need a break, take a break. If you want to try again later, there are always alternatives. I'm sure this community will still be here to help. But one way or another I intend to keep banging on the gates until someone opens up!

What about switching plant sources, as CH suggested, to caapi/verdis, or delivery methods such as a longer ayahuasca session with diet ahead of time? It maybe that your body and mind would like something that takes a little longer, to help you feel more comfortable letting go little by little? Or maybe even a gradual set of microdosing caapi to ease into it?

Just suggestions, maybe it's just not quite the right time yet. Surely you'll know when it is