i doubt i have ever lived up to my expectations, but then neither did reality.
but i gave up giving a f@$* a long time ago.
i think im too lazy too have a major guilt complex or beat myself up about how much of
a shitty human being i can be. i don't know if that makes me a better or worse human, i don't think i care all that much.
perfection is overated.

The only thing SWIM regrets is not taking art more seriously in life. He is getting back into drawing, but really would like to spend more than just the 30 mins to an hour a day he's been doing.

SWIM really likes entheogens and they have helped his anxiety and such immensely. But to him, there are very few things more important than these. He'd give up entheogens in certain situations (not counting legal ones, but regarding life in general).

I really only have one goal I'm working towards, but I don't take even that too seriously. But it's something I work to get better and better at. If I don't have something to strive towards, I get bored, frustrated, etc...

shoot for the stars, land on the moon...

I've found it easy to be very happy with life and myself. I've always been the type to deeply think about reasons of existence and its purpose. I've always seen everthing in existence as equal, not just people. Even in kindergarden, i rememmber one day they where having every student in my class walk up to the middle of the room to a mike over the intercom and say god blessings to how ever you wanted. I watched as people came up with long lists of people and thought to myself, why hasn't anyone said god bless the world? Its only right isn't it? So when it was my turn i said god bless the world and they acted shocked, but i was still shocked that they would make a big deal out of something that to me was so obvious that everyone should have thought of. I've kinda made a leap of faith, to just feel that i will live forever no matter what happends. Maybe not as a human, but i feel my existence cannot be faded. I've never really beleived in the bibble or god even as a kid. Sure i said the god bless the world thing, but to me that was really just the correct answer if there where a god to bless. In sunday school i got in trouble for insisting on an answer that made sence to explain how if god created everything, who created him? Now i have also learned to never think you 100% know something, but it does only make sence to want to help others and not cause trouble and not hurt others, steal meaning all existence. Some things have to be done, like you have to eat, so you have to kill growing food, weather meat or plant. But you kill that food to eat it, not just to kill it, thats the big difference in right and wrong. You kill thoughs bugs to protect your food, not to just go out side and burn ants with for fun, that is wrong. I feel if you try to be the best you can and making sure that your a good person and have faith that you'll never fully be wiped out of exsistence then nothing else is but a bullshit game corrupted others made this world into. This that has been created isn't life, its bullshit. You spend your life obligated to work for others. Only the rich are almost trully free, but then they have there addictions which aren't evil but can keep you from being happy.

I'm happy with myself as long as I feel I am moving in the right direction with my life. Just a few months ago I was depressed because I wasn't going to school and was working a job that I hated and would bring me no-where in life. Sure, the job would bring me money and stability, but neither of those things are important to me. So in this time of economic crisis I quit my good paying and stable job, moved out of my parents house, and armed with only a high school education I moved to an area of the United States that has one of the most educated work forces per capita. Seriously, the guys who push around carts at K-mart have degrees here, it's nuts. But I was confident that I had more charisma and a better work ethic. When my account had dwindled down to the last 30 dollars and it looked like my new bright future was over, I pulled through with a better job than my last one and as an added benifit, it pays good enough for me to put myself through college and have fun. Funny thing is, that I got this job because of my experience at the last one. Shoot, this one aint to much different, but for some reason, its just better. The guys I work with are kick ass though. And I'm sorround by a bunch of blue collar red-necks, which makes me feel at home.