I was 26, alone at home, summer day. 3 blotters (~200mcg, guesstimate).
I'd read about the psychedelic experience for a little over half a decade and was very interested in exploring that area.
Some months ago I'd had low dose sclerotia (mushies) experiences, but nothing like what happened that summer day.
I wrote down the time of the beginning of the experiment and put the blotters under my tongue. Waited for 15 minutes or so and swallowed them. No going back now. Laid down listening to music, a playlist that I'd been preparing for the past few days.
The first thing I remember was some sort of "energy" (I dislike the word in this context but got nothing better) going on in my body. I stretched my arms & legs, felt very pleasurable. At this point I still had my eyes closed.
Opened them for a while, and I could see the outside world beginning to be transformed.. the living room and it's contents were beginning to wiggle, and things were breathing as I did.
Closed my eyes once again.
I have little memory of what happened in the next 10 minutes or so, with eyes closed -- Music hadn't been altered yet (I'll never forget the first time I heard music "like that" on acid, and it wasn't then. It would be another couple of hours until that moment) and visually there was nothing going on.
I do remember being engaged in thinking, possibly some worries because at some point, while (some egyptian) music was playing, I became convinced Anubis was coming to take me away (lol, yes, I know
).. at that point I took the headphones off, moved around a bit and was repeating variations of "this cannot be, it is not possible" to myself.. went to the kitchen to grab a few more bottles of water, much of which I spent on getting my face wet to try to sober up. While it didn't work, the sensation was fantastic
The Anubis drama was quickly forgotten but it was enough to set the mood. The outside world was getting more and more changed, I was beginning to forget simple things (like I had the laptop nearby and all the water around me back in the living room, and I vaguely knew that somehow this wasn't a good combo).
Suddenly, subjective time began crawling to a halt. Sounds began lasting for eternities, and visually, things were stopping mid-motion. I became convinced that I'd be stuck in this eternity forever, that this was it, I'd never see anyone I loved ever again, because I'd be here.
Feeling my sanity fading away, and looking at the mess I'd made in the mean time (moving things, walking all over the living room, splashing water at myself etc), I had a very positive thought.. since I'm gonna be spending eternity here, might as well make it nice for myself!
Instantly I got up and started rearranging things and prettyfing the place (which I'd done before the trip as well, but then made a mess of it:lol
.. went to the office (nearby room) to grab a piece of pinetree that I'd brought from NL once on a shroom trip and held that in my hand for a long time, like it was a piece that allowed me to remember who "I" was so, oh so long ago.
In retrospect, that thought "might as well make it nice for myself" changed the trip completely.
The next hour or couple of hours are hard to describe.. I wasn't scared anymore, just present, marvelling at the sounds & sights (there was strong wind outside and a window was open, so periodically there'd be a small bang and the curtains would move).. internally I remember something that's very hard to put in words, like when you shift gears in a manual gearbox but it doesn't go in properly, the noise it makes, you know? I felt something like that, but internally in thoughts.. like they weren't clicking in properly.
At the top of this period of the trip I had no idea of who or what I was, or even that I had taken something.. It all slowly began coming back when I vaguely remembered LSD from looking at what I'd managed to scribble at T+0 and from before being overwhelmed. I thought.. LSD... Timothy Leary.. oh yes LSD, I took something.. when? how long ago (subjectively it seemed like a LOT more time had elapsed)..
For awhile I sat there contemplating the Egyptian box where the remaining unused blotters were kept - I'd arranged it so that a Buddha statue had this box on it's hands. Fantastic stuff, the drawings on the box were dancing and vibrating, the Buddha statue transformed into eyes and alternating back to normal. I wondered for a long time, how can such a minute quantity of this molecule shift perception this much. But it wasn't over yet.
I remember feeling like I had aaaaalllll the time in the world.. a bit later I put the headphones back in again and music was totally transformed. It had texture, notes lasted forever, and the emotional meaning of it was so clear! It was a perfect moment: I became entranced by the song playing and closed my eyes and for a few timeless moments forgot about everything else, becoming the music.
I felt so many things and understood so many things about "my" initial years, and how these things made me perceive the world in certain ways.. and for the first time, I wasn't critical of myself or avoiding seeing this stuff, I felt accepting and cried at my own earlier situation.. but it wasn't pity, it was understanding and empathy. I openly cried for the first time in many years.. for as long as I remember my first pre-conscious reaction to feeling like crying is surpressing it, but not this time.. and it felt amazing
When I opened my eyes again, the most amazing colors were all around me. Beautiful reds, greens and yellows.. everything was breathing. It was stunning, definitely one of the best moments of my life.. I had no idea such thing was possible. The level of visual detail present in whatever I chose to focus attention on was unbelievable.
You really have to see it to believe it!A little later when the colors started slowly fading away it made me a bit sad, to see them go, but I knew they wouldn't last and had resolved to enjoy them until they disappeared.
Then I went outside, to the beach. The sun felt so good on my skin. I'd not noticed tracers and "frame skipping" before, but these became apparent when a gang of seagulls flew nearby.
I sat there in the sand, happy, for a long time, just listening to the ocean..
That night I had dinner with a couple of friends and tried to explain to them the events of that afternoon, but it didn't come out very clear. I was still utterly amazed and incredulous, so I'd mostly begin speaking then stop mid-sentence, as I was searching for words to match what I'd experienced and finding none.. and then trying again.. until I realized it was no good, it is ineffable so I mostly just sat there smiling.
More than anything else, it was that experience that landed me here, because that's when I made a commitment to myself to explore these wonderful substances responsibly, in due time, and in depth (by then I was already aware of the existence of DMT). To this day it remains my top #1 psychedelic experience -- because it was the first hardcore psychedelic experience and because of how it changed my life (many new and good things sprang from that trip, more specifically from the thought mentioned a few paragraphs above; It didn't only change the trip, it made me realize a few things)
I've had epic trips since then, for sure, but nothing with the impact that first LSD trip had.
I know they'll come, in due time. When I'm ready.
From that day on I had no doubts - these are powerful tools that can help us grow. As I'd learn later, they won't do the work for you, but they can surely show the possibilities (as endlessly repeated here and elsewhere)
After this experience I felt like I had to share it with everyone I cared about! If only they could see what I'd seen! Some thought I was nuts, others distanced themselves, a few listened friendly but remained skeptical, and 2 decided to have the experience and had amazing experiences themselves.
Spreadin' the love..
This is the time to really find out who you are and enjoy every moment you have. Take advantage of it.